Is this good writing for a sixteen year old? It is my daughters....?

Question

I used to be able to go for days without thinking anything special. I would live on meager sentences and cut off stories. I influenced the outside world and the world could not change me. I made my own good day and could live off of a memory.

He was the asterisk, a wrap around my ankle that forced me to live in a land of actions, consequence and maybe even karma.

The first thing on my mind was a wild cry, a prayer to God.

Please, God, don't let it happen, please.

The way I let him take and twist my heart was nightmarish. Why can't I enjoy a sunset without feeling the fire? My life is a jerky rhythm, a dependable letdown and I follow it with a certain aura of tough stupidity.Why do I always choose to balance,stagger across a wire?

I throw it all in on a hiss of a chance. Here I am, knowing my weakness, knowing how the pain will slice and yet I close my eyes, blind my eyes and jump, unable to resisist the seduction of a flickering flame. Why is it that when I manage to pull myself back I feel dissatisfied, guilty and unsettled?

Maybe I'l l come to a page in my life where I can embrace if not enjoy every emotion, every day, every moment. Listining to him stutter about stuff, seeing him with her, knowing he's with her, coming and leaving. It all becomes a story, a bittersweet song. It feels like walking into the wind with a bag strapped to my shoulders. My shoulders are sore,my legs are tired,and I have to close my eyes to protect them from the wind yet somehow....it's exhilerating.

Answer 1

*Ye, that's really good... you should be proud =]

Answer 2

yes its very effective and a use of a variety of vocobulary. its deninatly something to be proud of!

Answer 3

Thats amazing! She's so poetic! You should be proud! =D

Answer 4

wow your daughter has a real gift with words. you should encourage her to take up writing!

Answer 5

yeah i liked it!

Answer 6

its really really good tell her she shoud right a book =]

---ily.

Answer 7

is this a poem, not gona lie I'm not really into poetry but it seems as good as anything else I've read, just goes to show anyone can write

Answer 8

yes

Answer 9

very good!! when she gets older she is gonna be even better. i never saw anything like it before. its spectacular. there is not one thing wrong with it. perfect!!! i give it a 10 out of 10. excellent. she is gonna make it places in life!!!!!

Answer 10

I liked it. I am a writer myself.

Answer 11

Wow. o.o

That's... beautiful. I'd have never thought it was a 16-year old. Looks more like a 20 job to me. Congratulations, I still can't get my wording that precise. Though I guess i just have a few years ahead of me to try. You have a pretty talented daughter ^^

Answer 12

yeah actually thats pretty good.

Answer 13

This is great writing.   Encourage your daughter .....she is very talented!!!

Answer 14

Wow. She has a lot of talent.

Answer 15

It's incredibly amazing- she has a great talent.

Answer 16

Wow, she's sixteen?  You've got a talented writer on your hands!

Answer 17

It's normal for her age, maybe a little creative.

I'm 16.

It would be quite good if it was written in decent format.

Answer 18

Sorry no.  I would expect this out of a 12 year old.  It's very choppy and there are many misspelled words.  As far as the subject matter, sounds like perfectly normal teenage angst to me.  It might be better if it were looked at and written in a poetry format, but as an essay, no.

Answer 19

wow! a very mature 16 year old... with a possible future in journalism!

Answer 20

Tell your daughter she made my day

Answer 21

deffidently!! she's got major talent at such a young age. i would buy a book from her anyday.

Answer 22

woah, thats really good yer :)

Answer 23

I'd say it was your daughters writing if she is in AP classes and she is original. It is good writing, not too advanced. Check if she is OK. She sounds very depressed.  I would check her in with a counselor immediately.

Answer 24

It's GREAT!!!  I teach English, and I find that most kids struggle writing creatively.  They usually write better when given a literal context, but your daughter has done something great.  She has taken an experience and explored it metaphorically.  

There are a few grammatical errors and sentence fluency can be improved.  She needs to vary her sentence beginnings especially.

She has a general good rhythmatic flow, which enhances the experience.  What is really nice is her rhythm matches the expression.   I don't know if it was intentional or not, but if it was, that is brilliant!

I do wonder how versatile she is.  She has a great future with this style of writing, but to truly be a great writer, she would need to master many styles.  I wonder how she would be with a more formal academic writing style.

But what she has done is beautiful and to be commended.

Answer 25

It's very good.  Your daughter is quite talented.

Answer 26

Well it really depends, I personally thought it was great but there are many different types of writing. For this one though she did really good.