Is this just manipulation?

Question

Whenever I find a good place to rent, my mother asks me where it is, and she tries to make me feel fearful about moving there, saying there could be bad people living nearby...she also tries to pour cold water over my yoga teacher's idyllic studio, where I attend classes, saying, "her candles are too dangerous, the landlord will probably get onto her.." (she's an experienced practitioner of yoga who has used these things, safely, for years.) Are these really her feelings, or is she just trying to destroy my sense of contentment?

Answer 1

hi sweetheart youre mum isnt trying to destroy youre life .....she is scarred of lossing you ,its this thing about being a mum (and i am one )where we have this little person who needs us for everything and we are needed,then one day youre all growen up and you want to do things youre way which is how it should be .....but us mums start thinking will you be ok ?what if you get hurt ?a fire ...candles bad combination ....youre moving to another area ...what about it will you be safe !?,i know that sounds a bit daft but youre mum is just doing what she has done for all of youre life worried about you ,and now things are changing she doesnt know what to do but panic ....you know the best thing to do is sit down and talk to her and explain how much you love her and you will be only at the end of a phone if she needs you and you will be round to see her and if she wants tell her that she can do youre washing ......turn it into a giggle let her know that she is welcome to come to youre place .....and give her a cuddle .....this is the bit of parent hood that we are never told about that one day the kids do grow up and want to lead there own life its just really hard for mums and dads to let go .....good luck with youre future and dont be angry with youre mum she really does love you alot ......and i didnt understand that with my mum she was the same ...until my girls grew up ......take care xx

Answer 2

IT sounds like she doesnt want to lose you and wants to keep telling you what you can and cant do and control your life. If you like a place that you want to rent them it is your choice if you live there or not or if you enjoy the yoga sessions and dont see any danger or harm then do it. Your mother sounds like she is trying to pull you down and squash your self esteem stay strong and do what you want to do and what feels right for you your mother will cope with it :)

Answer 3

Some parents fear so greatly for anything bad to happen to their child...they see bad things behind every corner and they can't protect them like they used to.  The truth is just living does have risk, but you can't not live.  So she's a super worrier, but it's only cause she cares so much.  Let what she says roll off your back, make your own good judgements.  I saw a twilight zone type episode once where every bad thing this mother said might happen actually did (because of some talisman she had) It was so funny cause it showed how ridiculous the things she worried about were when everything actually came true.  Bad things don't happen at every move, but few bad experiences can make you afraid they may.  You just have to trust yourself, and live your life.

Answer 4

ignore her. She is just trying her hand at bitterness and you are helping her find it works. Just think for yourself and don't try and change her because it wont work. My technique,

Smile and Nod - whilst thinking in your head the truth.

Answer 5

It sounds like your mum is trying to look out for you. But she is stepping over the line a bit about the yoga incident. Tell her you want some breathing space, and you want to be an independent person or tell her how you feel, but if it's bad, say it  politely.

Answer 6

I have a mother in law who does the same thing - she will say things without even thinking and they are totally ridiculous. She has to find the worst thing and comment on it, and if there isn't something bad she'll make it up.

I'd just ignore her and follow your gut instincts really, that's all you can do. By the sounds of it it doesn't matter what you do there's going to be a reason that it's wrong or could have been done better.  

Answer 7

How old are you and are you an only child?  If you are over 18 and have other siblings then tell mum to go bother one of them.  Be nice she reallllllly loves you it is hard to sit back when you are a mum we are all so full of advice,  Maybe it is a bad area but then bad people live in good areas too.  Well I think mum is bieng a bit over protective and needs to let you go to make your own mistakes as we all have.  Good luck.  Have a good day from Sandy.