Is this just something that i should put up with?

Question

i have been thinking about this for a while now. i am married, have had 5 children, but only 4 survived. one was still born, i am now 28 weeks pregnant with 6th child. i am 27 years old. (i can manage with the kids on my own, so the amount of kids we have isn't an issue, obviously it would take me a little while to get on my feet with getting back into work but i am sure that i could arrange childcare and such in time) but anyhow, my husband never helps out, he works 4 days then has 4 off and goes in for 4 nights. they are 12 hour shift and having worked at the same place in the same job before i got pregnant with child number one i can appreciate that it is hard work and tiring. but the thing is with 4 days off out of 8 would it be too much to ask for him to do a little diy or help out around the house or with the kids, i don't think i am asking for too much as i am now feeling really tired and as he puts more work on me by expecting me to do everything in running around after him, such as even picking up his dirty washing whereer he chooses to leave it, fetching him food and drinks on top of cooking his meals (which i do expect to be doing i admit) but aswell as cleaning up after the kids...the eldest is 7 the youngest is 1 i have to clean up after him. if he eats something he leaves the rubbish for me to pick up for him and he won't even take his plate into the kitchen, let alone offer to wash it. tonight i decided to give myself a night off and walked over to kfc, which is only about a 10 minute walk away. i was waiting for the kids to finish and decided to go for a bath, i asked him if he would help the second youngest with his nappy if he needed help and asked my eldest son to put the rubbish in the bag i had left in the room for them. when i came out the kids were hanging around the bathroom door waiting for me to help the second youngest with the nappy (i had already put the youngest to bed) and when i said to the eldest why didn't he put the rubbish in the bag i had left him he said because my dad said it was not his job it was for me to do. i know this is rambling on a bit, and i'm sorry. thanks for reading it and i just want to know is this exceptable of him or not

Answer 1

Short answer NO WAY!!!!!, Do not accept that behaviour. He helped create your children with you and if hes unwilling to contribute to the upbringing of them then ditch him. he will only get worse. he wants the power and for you to be so downtrodden you will never leave him,because you will feel he's all you deserve, believe me you need family to step in and help you get out. the kids are who you should be thinking off. do you want your boys to grow up treating woman that way??? If you get out there are soooo many people who will help you and organisations who will help, go see your G.P or health visitor. You work 24/7 365 days a year when do you get a bloody break, men like him make my blood boil, sorry if its not what you wanted to hear but good luck and if you are staying get help from family tell them exactley what hes like. they may step in.

Answer 2

Not acceptable

You need more help and looking after

Answer 3

I have to admit that my wife does most of the housework but I can/will help out with things if asked by her.Your man just seems to be taking you for granted and giving you no respect if he's unwilling to do anything.

What do you do about it ? That's a decision for you. lol.

Answer 4

To me, it is very unacceptable.... my mom would have freaked out on my dad, and we only had 3 of us... but, i can understand on the days that he works, he is tired, but his days off belong all to you and the kids. He should be more than willing to help more than he is. He needs to step up already. there is more to it than a paycheck involved with stepping up. good luck

Answer 5

you need to talk to him, tell him how you feel, hopefully he will understand and help out, he is there father and should be more involved.

if its really getting you down and he wont change, i would get rid. you don't need a fully grown man to run around after as well.

hope you can sort things out with him

Answer 6

Well, no you shouldn't put up with someone like that, but you seem to do it, so what can we tell you?