Is this killer story good?

Question

It was dark,quiet and scary in the house the day that liz moved in.The house was abandoned for years (an old country house) and had been rumored cursed."Ah this house is nice and cold" liz's father said."cold for you im heating up" liz's mother panted ."Im gonna set up my room" liz shouted upstairs.liz walked in her room and screamed."What liz?!?!" her mother shouted."I saw a clown statue" liz cried."Come on liz" her mother whispered.They ate dinner and talked.Then in back of the father was a clown with a bloody knife."What the ****" liz's father shouted.The clown killed her father."Hehehe" laughed the clown."Liz run upstairs" her mother shouted.Liz ran upstairs only to hear her mother get gutted."Ahhh" she screamed as the clown slowly walked up the stairs."Liz wake up!" her mother shouted."You just had a nightmare" her mother said."Are you sure mother."Hehehe nope" the clown laughed finaly killing the mom.Liz reached for the phone but it was to late.3 Months later a family of six moves in....... To be continued.

How was it? oh they really couldnt find help beacuase its in the country.

Answer 1

It could use some work.  

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The first sentence is good, but if you used a thesaurus to find words other than the obvious ones, it would be a lot better.  Explain that it was an old country house rather than use parenthesis.  I'd like to see more of a build up to the "cursed" part of it.  Create a spooky atmosphere first rather than just tell your reader it's cursed.  It's a little unclear about the clown.  Was the statue animated into the clown?  Or was the clown a spirit that resided in the statue?  

I think your biggest trouble is that you're rushing this.  I would rather see you set up the mood of the piece in that many words than see the whole story play out in it.  This almost feels like a summary of a bigger story.