Is this likely to become an affair? What if your husband acted like this?

Question

Two married people work together – the woman is in her 20s, the guy is 10 years older, both very attractive. He’s way above her, but keeps staring at her at work, following her around, initiating conversation, giving all the signs of a man who’s interested in something more. There has been some verbal flirting, he compliments her, says they have to work “more closely together” – even at a work function with both spouses around, they can’t keep their eyes off each other and flirt all night.

At work, he maintains his distance by being professional and friendly, but shoots her suggestive glances, stares at her from across the room, holds her gaze as he walks by her desk and is always watching her. He gets flustered if he’s talking to someone else and she walks by, acts shy and reserved around her (although he’s outgoing), and sometimes immediately lowers his gaze and seems embarrassed when she catches him watching her from a distance.

But, neither one of them will make a move. Is this likely to become an affair? Or is it a crush?

Answer 1

by the time you wrote this article they arleady did the deed.   DUH!  AFFAIR written all over it.  

Answer 2

Until I read..but, neither of them will make a move..I was saying this has "affair going on" written all over it.  So if it isn't an affair, I would say it's likely to become one unless one of these two people is very, very anti-adulterous.

Answer 3

sound like u need to give her the high hard one  at least once  u never know she might spread like warm butter?

Answer 4

attraction? crush? affair? all three go hand in hand. if there isn't a mutual attraction, the man can do all the looking he wants - if a woman does not find him attractive, she will be distant and give him the "cold shoulder." same with a woman - if she likes a man but he doesn't find her attractive, he will try and be nice about it and, if he's trash, will go as far as to sleep with her and then pretend as if she doesn't exist. most of the time, he just won't even be bothered.

the workplace is a breeding ground for affairs and cheating spouses/significant others; after all, you spend a huge hunk of your time at work usually around the same people. if you happen to be attracted to one of them and you both work everyday together in a close proximity, this attraction can easily turn into a crush and these feelings just escalate until the two find themselves engaging in activities that are the beginning of affairs. i will get to this later

you say the guy is always staring - i'm guessing you're the woman who has noticed this man back? it's very obvious that this guy is attracted and is showing all the signs that he wants the relationship to be more personal than business. he keeps it professional at work - after all, you two are married and this is playing with fire. but keep in mind that playing with fire always has a possibility of getting burned. dealing with a married man is never a good idea - and neither is dealing with a man you work with. now, you're dealing with two worse case scenarios. starting with a man that has a wife: for one, its immoral - what would you do if your husband (considering you still loved him deeply) decided to go and mess around with his co-worker? for two, he is married to her and if you get attached, don't bet he'll leave her, especially if he still has some kind of feelings for her. also, if she finds out, things could get serious - it isn't worth it. and say you deal with a guy you work with - unless he works in another department, if things dont work out, you can not get over him easily because you have to see him everyday and face him moving on even if it means with someone else in the office.

so, if hes married and you work with him, its bad to start anything. youre both taken, and you work together - yes he's over you professional-wise, so what if he doesn't want to continue the relationship and has you fired? someone is going to get hurt here

back to how the affairs start...after you are at the "crush and more feelings" phase, the conversations get a little more personal by being outside of the office. he doesnt want people to know he is having an affair and doesnt want his wife to know about it - that's why he isnt bold enough to take breaks with you. but usually taking "innocent" breaks together leads to the exchange of personal information (direct phone lines, meeting locations, etc.) and possible places you guys can come to after you get off work.

this is the beginning of the affair...trust me, once the two start meeting outside of work, that's entirely too much time together - at work, after work, sleeping...and eventually someone is going to want more or less while the other wants the opposite. who knows? to answer your question, yes - it's the beginning of an affair, especially if you start talking outside of work. should it be pursued? absolutely not. keep it professional...you are already taken. the thrill and thought that you have met your true soul mate does not outweigh the tremendous consequences.

if i knew my husband worked with a very good looking woman who he was attracted to, well, i'd be upset of course - he gets to gawk at her rather than me all day - but if i knew i was doing things at home and handling business with him right, she'd just be the pretty girl in the next cubicle he'd bang if he didn't have his trophy at home.

Answer 5

Duh! Of course it's likely to become an affair!

Answer 6

Who the heck cares if he makes advances he is a loser.  He is a married man who devoted his self to his wife.  It is ok to be attracted to others however he has already crossed the line.  He sounds like a pervert if you ask me or your writing sounds like a horrible B rated love story.  

Answer 7

Given the right circumstances they could cross the line, all the signs are there.  He is helpless around her, and fascinated by her, she is just responding, but the flattery may win her over. He is trying to keep it low key to protect his job from a harassment suit.  If her husband finds out, this guy could be in for big trouble, and I hope he does.

Answer 8

It depends.  This is a scenario to a flirtation that may never get past it.  It could lead to an affair if one instigates it and the other follows.  It could also lead to sexual harassment because one wants an affair and the other only likes the flirtation (tease can lead to trouble). The other is blackmail from another.  My solution?  if you are going to flirt keep it away from the personal life and a nice smile is totally natural.

Answer 9

It could go either way. I would definitely be concerned that there may be something blooming. Good luck.