Is this marriage headed for a divorce? Please help!?

Question

Here is the situation my husband and I have been married for two years and we have a very beautiful 5 month old son. Since I have had my baby I feel as if my husband is a different person... my feelings get constantly hurt from the things he says so naturally I say things to hurt his feelings back, but they are never as hurtful as the things he says to me for ex. "your a horrible mother" and "you are reason for all my stress". Words cut really deep in my opinion so deep that if we ever have s*x all of those words come rushing right back and it off sets the mood. We have sat down and explained to each other what we both needed in order for us to be happy in our marriage, I have tried to do everything he has mentioned although I do not feel he is putting forth the effort. For about two months I have been talking to an old male friend and I think that I am falling for him he just treats me better than my husband ever has... I feel as if I were with him my self worth would come back into my life. I told my husband two nights ago that I had been talking to this other guy i told him the complete truth, he left and is staying with his brother but has called me several times just to yell at me and make me feel guilty and to tell me that he is done with me.And Then this morning he calls and lets me know that he is not ready to lose me yet. Im not in love with my husband anymore, the only reason I would want to work things out with him is for our son. But Im not sure that is the right reason. I just feel like In order for me to better care for my son I need to be happy. Please help any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

First of all have you been evaluated for postpartum because you did just have a child and that is a serious condition. Second the new guy will become old as well people always put there best foot forward in the beginning this to will change and you guys will argue as well. Look at it this way is your husband your first relationship if not think about all your relationships and why they ended were you arguing did things change after a while did you feel you lost love for them or they you. This will always happen and you will never be with one person for the rest of your life if you don't learn how to cope.

Answer 2

I'm sorry life is so difficult right now for you guys. Having a baby really adds stress to a marriage, it's added stress to mine too! I don't believe in divorce especially when there are children! I suggest going to marriage counseling. It really does help. And stop talking to the other guy, he is not helping your marriage and it's not fair to your son or husband. My brother and his wife went through all the c**p you can imagine, even worse than your c**p and they made it through it and are still married. My point is, if they can do it so can you. Don't give up on your marriage and go to a counselor.

Answer 3

I think you guys have hurt each other a lot (him with his insults and hurtful words) and you by betraying him by talking to another man. At some point though you loved this man enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him and he with you, so I think you guys should give it one more chance. He's already taken the first step, now the ball is in your court. You've been wooed by another man and you say you've been talking to him for 2 months, everything is great now and you say he treats you well but is that enough to give up on your marriage? Remember, everything is always peachy in the beginning of a relationship, I'm sure the same can be said for your marriage.

I think you should think long and hard before making any decision. Don't stay for your son, that's not fair to either of you, but don't be so quick to give up on your marriage either. If you do decide to give your marriage another shot, I think you should seek counseling with your husband to mend the wounds you both have caused each other. It will make your marriage all the more strong. Good luck to you in whatever you decide.

Answer 4

it seems like hes trying really hard to please u and be respected he really must love u and he wants to be the best dad he can be and u are trying to hard too u guys need breaks and alone time together and doing that dosent make u selfish its the only way ur not going to blow urself up  

Answer 5

Take the other man out of the picture altogether.  Try to work on your marriage for what it is and see if your husband can stop being such an a** and treat you with respect and courtesy.  If after awhile you feel that things are not changing and you want out, leave him.  But NOT for the other man.  The other man can be very misleading because he gives you all the romance and attention you need right now but it is fanasty and not reality as you are not married and in a long term relationship with him.  End it now and work on your marriage.  Good luck!

Answer 6

Working things out for the sake of your son is not the right reason.  Neither is running into another man's arms.  It's called rebounding.  I did the exact same thing.  I really didn't have feelings for this other guy--I was in love with the fact that someone made me finally feel good, that I wasn't always wrong, etc.  I was in love with a life I wanted, not the person I ran to.  Be very careful.

Answer 7

This is a tough situation. If you truly don't love your husband anymore, I would leave him. It won't help your son any if you are with someone who treats you bad. It will teach your son to do the same. However, you shouldn't start dating the other guy. I agree with gunieapig on that one. If you are going to leave your husband, take time to yourself and figure out what you really want before you start dating again.  

Answer 8

You probably are the reason for all the stress in his life. You probably over analyze everything and always come up with negative scenarios. You probably add nothing but negativity and stress to his life and never do things to help remove it.

You probably feel that he should kiss your feet while you wade in your own S**t, which you no doubt think does not stink. Prime example you had/are having an emotional affair. How did you think he would feel about that??? How would you feel about him doing the same???

Do you really think that if he wasn't around and you were with this ex flame you would be able to care for your son better? I'm sure after a few years of your attitude he would either be gone or the same as your husband.

If you had of spent a few minutes thinking about how you could change to make things better rather than blaming him for everything and sneaking behind his back and having an emotional affair, things would be a lot better.

Get some counseling for you and/or both of you and try to mend things. If you want to do the right thing for your son then that is what you need to do.

Answer 9

HELLO, the grass is never greener on the other side of the fence so dont go near it! You are married and you married your husband for a reason! Now, are you being a bad mother? Did you have your son and all of a sudden forget your husbands needs and wants? When was the last time you cuddled up next to your husband and told him you loved him? Maybe you should put your son to bed early and slip into something lacey and tell your husband you love him and you appreciate everything he does for you and your son!

I would read Dr. Laura's Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands!!! It is up to YOU to make this marriage work!

Answer 10

Do what feels right. If you wholeheartedly believe that you aren't in love with your husband anymore and that it isn't coming back, then you're right.  You being happy is what's best for your son.  It's what makes you a good mom.  And the fact that you're communicating with your husband says a lot as well.  I think you're absolutely doing the right thing here.  But I'd also say that staying with this other man right now might just be the equivalent of a rebound relationship because you have been so hurt in the current marriage you're in.  Be careful there.  And good luck :)  

Answer 11

Easy.

The two of you bought into the c**p that kids are bonding, and sweetie, that is just that---c**p.  

Kids are divisive.  Into your little cozy relationship is now this third demanding thing, and you thus went from his huss, his foxy, lusty babe to mom.  

And he went from being the stud, Mr. Erection, the man, the s*x machine to father and provider... and alas, no one told you this was going to happen, did they???.... he is now insecure, since your attentions are diverted, and your relationship is now different, and he really doesn't know why,  you don't either, and he only feels his testosterone levels are down..  and again, he doesn't know why.

You two were obviously not prepared for this... it is as common as sand on a beach.  

And if you don't get some help for your marriage, he will spill enough acid on your marriage, and you will as well, that by the time this kid is 18 months old, you will be a single mom.... I promise. He will leave, or you will.....

Then you will be joining the 30% of single moms raising children alone. (And if you are black, 62% of kids live with just mom.)

Both of you need to realize that when you are now parents, life is no longer about you, nor about him, nor his nor your petty little differences.  It is about the two of you getting into therapy, and learning (since you don't know) how to become the best parents on the planet.  It isn't a natural thing....It is a learned skill.  And your child deserves the best.... the two of you together as a functional family, not a disfunctional mess that you have now.  Get into therapy, hon.... 4 sessions will be the best $$ you will ever, ever spend in your entire life.

Answer 12

be very careful with this guy. he keeps backing and forthing with his opinion of u. he seems very abusive/ an abuser in the making. that's how alot of the abusive relationships start. u need to be happy. and if ur happy, i'm sure ur son will be happy. i'd advie u to get out of tht relationship b4 it gets dangerous.