Is this normal? Does my Husband love me?

Question

I am currently the only one working. He has a knee injurie from football and has had 11 surgeries this year.Hes is alway on me about spending money. Well I made it..I can spend some of it. I mean its not like im out spending $300. And hes always on me about being over weight. He always tells me I need to loose weight. Im 5'7" and 125. And everytime we get into a fight he calls me bi-polar... I dont know how to fix this. What do you think?

Answer 1

when my boyfriend was out of work he become an absolute T*at and dd my nut in about spending money and that.

Once he got a job he become so much better,

however it is out of order and shows no respect for you being out there bringing in the money he should be grateful to have someone like you!

Personaly i would move out (if possible) for a few mounths and tell him you need some space.

hopefull he will relise how much you do mean to him and start respecting you more.

when you do come back lay down some rules tell him you do not like the way he speaks to you and if it ever happens again youl walk.

hopefully that will set things straight,

but if it carrys on you deserve better go out and have fun and find someone that respects you.

But honesty being on top ofeach other in a stressful atmosphere wil not be helping.

And do think about his side they do say being unable to work can be harder than looseing some one you love!

Hope i helped

sarah x

Answer 2

If you want to be married to a Football player then marry one that is currently playing in the NFL. If you want a winner you go to drop that chicken dinner.

Answer 3

Kick his butt to the curb! He sounds loser-riffic. You should never let  a man the "loves" you talk to you like that!!

Answer 4

Underneath his happy face, he's really feeling inadequate and insecure because HE is not the bread winner.

Men are raised with such a strong "provider instinct" that unless they really don't mind role reversals, a disruption in being about to "provide" really gets them rattled.

Here's a bit of trivia:  In Roman times, it was customary to go to a pool or fountain next to one of the statues of a Roman deity, and write your problems  and wishes on little bits of lead.  These were then thrown in the god's/goddesses' pool.

In Bath, England a piece of lead was found saying something to the effect:  "I wish my wife would not spend all my earnings."

So, this has been going on for a LONG time!

Answer 5

Dump that chump.

Not worth it.

Answer 6

Give the best answer to Craze.

   He's absolutely right.

See, I can't stand 95% of the women in here who feel they're qualified to answer other people's questions with man-hating propaganda. Dump him this, loser that.

Look, what he's doing to you isn't very nice, and it's not fair. But Craze is right. He's unable to work or support his family. He probably feels pretty low about himself. Fair or not, when guys feel bad about themselves, they take it out on whoever else is nearby.. usually the one they care for most.

I wouldn't say he doesn't love you or that you need to dump him, but you definitely should have a long talk with him. Tell him that he's treating you unfairly. Try not to let it devolve into a big screaming and shouting match. Talk honestly and openly about how he's making you feel.

And BTW - you're not fat.

Answer 7

Go back and read your question.  You don't need us to answer this one. (You were smart enough to type the question. . . . )

Answer 8

He sounds like he is depressed and taking it out on you.  tell him that either he starts treating you with respect, or you will be leaving him.  do not allow him to verbally abuse you like that.  You are the one taking care of him.  Make sure that he knows that he is going to lose his meal ticket if he does not start acting right.  Tell him that he needs to get therapy!!!

If he can not work anymore, he should be able to collect disability.  Look into it.  

Answer 9

5'7"  and 125 is too thin, i don't know whats wrong with your husband.

Answer 10

The funny thing is that if you were talking about a woman she would be be off the hook with the hormone excuse. Since it's a guy, everyone gives him the jerk tag.

btw. He's trying to handle self esteem issues. Rather badly, I must say.

Answer 11

hes the one thats not normal.  

Answer 12

Honey, it sounds like you deserve better. I don't know either of you, and he really may be a great guy. It is unfortunate that he has been injured, but he certainly has no right to tell you how to spend the money that you have earned when he is not working. It's a bit hypocritical. He may be saying things / acting this way out of frustration of his injury. It could be a few different things.

You were spot on with the 9-1-1 comment. I am also a 9-1-1 dispatcher, us good ones are few and far between. :)

Keep your chin up. If there is love in the marriage, then it is always worth working through it.  

Answer 13

Seek counseling.  He may just be lashing out at you because he feels less of a husband/person for depending on you so much.  Sometimes people do that.  I would talking to him about his hurtful comments and ask him to seek counseling for the time being or else you fear for the loss of this marriage because you can't keep living like this.

Answer 14

Tell him to get his lazy *** off the lounge and go out and contribute to the household. And as for the weight issue, it is his so if you are happy tell him to get lost and worry about getting himself a job instead of how much you weigh.

Answer 15

He's taking his insecurities about himself (unable to support his family, unable to provide, etc.) out on you.

Often times, men do this when they are feeling depressed about not being the man they want to be.

I disagree with those who reply that you should leave your husband based on the little information you have provided. This behavior is normal, but don't let it get out of hand to the point where it becomes unbearably disrespectful to you. You should know that you are not fat. Don't let his insecurities effect you to the point of questioning youself, but if you love your husband you should try to understand why he is doing the things he is doing so you can help him to overcome his diminished self-esteem. He is hurting you because he is hurting. It's not right, but it is not uncommon. It's like older people (grandparents, etc.) who become mean and ill-mannered when they are beginning to deal with the fact that they don't have much time left on earth. They can be some of the nastiest, most disrespectful people, even to those who are caring or providing for them. Would these same people suggest you should leave your mother or grandmother for being verbally abusive? I'm not saying you should accept it, but counseling should always be considered before leaving your spouse. Especially when it is obvious that there is a hardship that is heavily affecting your spouse's judgement and behavior.

Along with seeking professional assistance, which is covered under most health insurance policies, communication is extremely important, but make sure you communicate at times when you can be calm, loving and understanding. Don't wait until he pisses you off to communicate because you will only wind up making him feel like less of a man and his behavior will get worse. Men are very sensitive when it comes to their ability (or lack thereof) to be a provider for the ones they love.

Good luck.

Answer 16

I think you know the answers to all your questions.

No, it's not normal among married couples to treat your partner the way you're being treated.

And no, he doesn't love you.

There is no way you can "fix" this.  You can however remove yourself from the situation.  Let him find someone skinnier to look after him and his "football injuries".  You need to move on.

Answer 17

leave him, he is controlling and abusing you

Answer 18

Your response tells me enough.  You described how horrible it was and how horrible he was to you and when people told you to dump him... you defended him.  Best of luck with the rest of your life, hope it isn't too miserable.

Answer 19

divorce him...

and please..football injury..whatever..thats stupid

Answer 20

Yes, I know how to fix it... Leave this loser and find a guy who respects and appreciates you. If you are in doubt about your weight, talk to your doctor, and they will probably tell you that you are somewhat underweight - because you are. If you live with someone who is belittling you, controlling you and calling you names, you are asking for trouble.

Answer 21

what? This guy sounds like a friggin @hole!!! You are NOT overweight, literally, you are not. Your BMI is in a normal zone, and you sound pretty skinny actually. He shouldn't be criticizing you about this and that all the time and discredit you due to "bi-polar" or whatever. Tell him he needs to treat you better or hit the road! You are way too good for this has-been jock jerk.

Answer 22

I think you dont realise you are being abused, The controlling , manipulative behavior is textbook abuser, Regardless if He has hit you. There are many forms of violence upon women that fall under the domestic laws 273.5  These types of abusive dynamics rarely spontaneously revert to allis well now! These behaviors are learned and canbeunlearned ,But only if He is forced to attend!  I suggest youcall the police atyournext fight , Or better yet pick up the phone dial 911 , wait for answer and when the dispatcher comes on givre your adress slowly and clearly say you need an officer dispatched now, tell them not to call back alerting him they are enroute,  As they approach thehouse they will hear the fighting , even if all is calm at moment officers arrive you can request a protective\ restraining order  and he has threatened you. He willattend classes and be the better for it a few years later!  

Answer 23

What your husband is doing is called mental abuse and he has the problem at 5'7" you are suppose to weigh around 140.  I think that you should leave him!