Is this normal behavior and if so does anyone have any advice on how to handle it.......

Question

My daughter is 21 months old and she throws the worse tantrums ever, especially when its time to take a nap or go to bed. She screams so loud I think she is going to lose her voice she becomes all red and hot and sweaty and nothing you do can calm her down she wont let you touch her or hug her and if you try to pick her up she makes her body stiff. It is so terrible i dont know what to do, I dont know if she is just really spoiled and or if something is wrong. She is a strong and dramatic girl in general and has to get her way. It is so hard for me to get her to do anything such as trying to get her to sleep in a big girl bed, she is still in her crib because she still cries at night. If anyone has any advice on how to handle a very spoiled, stubborn, dramatic 21 month old please give it to me.

oh by the way during this tantrums, she totally tunes you out, like as if she does not see or hear you.

Answer 1

Geez people, lighten up! She's not spoiled - she's TWO (almost). At 21 months it's impossible to be spoiled.  She just doesn't have the cognitive ability to think she can manipulate you. If you think she does you're projecting.

Now that doesn't mean  that you shouldn't deal with it.  I agree that it will only get worse if you don't. Right now she understands that when she throws a tantrum you comfort her.  (That's not spoiled that's perfectly logical - it's working!) My son used to throw fits at bedtime (although admittedly not bad ones) and this seemed to work. Do your normal bedtime routine then put her in the crib. She'll start screaming and you tell her (calmly) that it's bedtime and you'll be back to check on her in 5 minutes.  Then walk out and close the door.  She'll go ballistic. Let her, it won't hurt her.  Use a stopwatch (because it'll seem like forever) and at exactly 5 minutes (calmly) go back in and ask if she's okay (so she knows you care and so you know she hasn't hurt herself). DO NOT pick her up or take her out of the crib (you can comfort her in the crib if you like) If she's safe say "Goodnight" and walk out again.  Keep repeating this until she stops.  Every child is different so be prepared to do this for several hours.  I was prepared for a sleepless night but my son gave it up after about 15 min.  It may take several nights but she'll get the message that bedtime is bedtime and throwing the fit won't get her what she wants.  If you keep picking her up and comforting her she'll understand the equation "tantrum = mommy comforting me" and she'll keep doing it.  She will learn to self sooth but only if you give her the chance to do it on her own.

Good luck.

Answer 2

She is spoiled rotten...and if you dont stop this behavior NOW you are going to have a rough road...put her to bed and let her scream..she will stop and it should take about 3 days of consistant timing with you..same time same routine..do not go in..just be able to peak without her seeing you..good luck..and watch nanny 911..

Answer 3

well its like this yes she is spoilt and she will carry on bean so if you stop right now giving her what she wont and is attention be it negative or positive which ever way you look at it .it is attention just start given this attention when she is being good .as long as you no you have feed her change her winded her if she needs it bath her .then it is time to put her to bed an let her scream 20 mins at any one time just take a little look through the door if she ok then it is another 20 mins an so on sounds hard but it to sounds like it is time for tuth love it will be ok ps stick with it

Answer 4

First off u need to be stern... what they means is put ur foot down... the more u let it happen the more she is going to feel that it is okay... start taking things away from her or no dessert at dinner... throwing a tantrome is the worse case of being spoiled so u need to nip it in the butt

Answer 5

My daughter use to do the same thing, she would throw a 45 min tantrum about once a day. I never new whether to put her food on the coffee table or to hand it to her to do for herself needless to say I was always wrong so then came the fit. There is nothing you can do about it. It is just a phase and it will pass, I would say to just let her throw the fit and walk away and pretend it does not bother you. That is what I did and eventually she stoped doing it because she did not get the attention and reaction from me anymore. She may seem like she is not hearing you but she is just getting what she wants by your reaction even if she seems not to notice. Best of luck!!!

Answer 6

CONSISTENCY! When you tell her to do or not do something, then that's what she has to do. If it concerns bedtime, then that bedtime rule should be the same all the time. If it's something else, it should be the same rule at all times. If she throws a tantrum, ignore it. If she gets out of bed after you put her in bed, then just keep putting her back in bed. DO NOT ARGUE WITH HER. Just continue making her do whatever it is. It sounds harsh but honestly, you are doing her no favors if you give in. You want to raise a child that is enjoyable to be around. She will be happier in the long run. Stay focused, consistent, and firm, but never argue with her. You are the boss!

Answer 7

though tempting to scream back or give in to her, you have to be calm and say when you stop screaming i will talk to you, then walk away.  as long as she is safe, then let her work that drama out.  i have a niece that did this all the time, my sister always gave in.  when she came to stay with us, i would be calm and tell her if she didn't stop she was going to quiet time to calm herself down. i would put her in the room, shut the door and just check back every 5 minutes, most of the time she would be asleep or just staring at the walls and blowing bubbles within 10 min.  she is emotional scarred either.  we try to use the same approach on our dramatic daughter.  sometimes when they are done fussing they just want to be heard or they are just really tired and wake up like nothing every happened.

Answer 8

I have a 2 yr old that does just about the same thing. the one thing that we do for our daughter is when it is time to go to bed we go lay down with her until she is asleep but at her nap time we close her bedroom door and let her play by herself until she falls asleep on her own. Yes she will scream and throw fits but that is one way for her to learn when it is nap time.If you have not taught her where the time out chair is then I would try to start now. The time that she spends in the time out chair depends on her age. For example she is 21 month old so that would be a little over 1 min. when she turns two then it will go to 2 min and so on and so forth. as far as tuning everything out just ignore her when she throws her tantrums. she will thehopefullyly start to understand that nonone is paying attention to her and she wilhopefullyly stop with the tantrums.

Answer 9

well first off when she gets that worked up she is in her brain stem so she cant think rationally or listen to you. when she is at that point just do what you can to calm her down.  As for the bed time just be consistent. Your mom your boss not her i know its hard i forget that sometimes to. my daughter is a brat to. she is 21/2. but its hard to be firm but in the long run its the best. i would maybe call her doctor? because it sounds like she takes it almost to far. good luck. you can email me if you would like.

Answer 10

Actually, tantrums are normal.  The extent and how long they go on are up to you.  First rule of thumb...don't get upset.  No matter how it feels on the inside, do not "react" to these fits.  She's old enough for a time out spot.  When she starts, as soon as she starts, pick her up, put her in the spot, tell her why she's there, what she has to do to get out (get quiet), and then walk away.  I guarantee you will very likely spend a LOT of time putting her back in the spot.  Each time she gets out, put her back, saying nothing.  Eventually (and it may be two hours later) she will stay where you put her.  She doesn't have to be perfect, just stay and get quiet.  As soon as she does, go tell her how you expect her to behave, tell her you love her, and give her a hug.  Then let her out.

She is behaving for your reaction.  The fact is...kids are very smart and know exactly what they are doing.  Once she learns who is in charge life will get much simpler for both of you.  Remember, this is a lot of work for her, too.  Don't argue with a two year old.    

Answer 11

She's just spoiled.  My son was the same way.  You should take control now before it's too late.  The way I got my son out of most of his bad behavior is showing constant love to him.  You've got to show your daughter boundaries.  When she is throwing a fit put her in time out and make a specific spot for time out.  If she gets out of time out keep putting her back in time out spot until she stays.  Whatever you do don't give in to her demands.  It will be a trying and stressful time, but once you teach her it will be worth it.

Answer 12

well it sounds like your having troubling' twos ...their gr8 fun times lol. all i can say is to make sure you don't let her get her way all the time b/c then she will be really spoiled. well best of lucks

have a blessed day!