Is this normal behavior?

Question

My friend lost her mother six weeks ago to congestive heart failure and she seems to be doing well, but I am concerned about one thing in particular. She keeps saying that she can't "understand" or "grasp" why her mother isn't alive anymore. Although she understands logically why her mother past away, she said it seems as if its like her mom is on vacation and will be back soon. Should she get some help?

Answer 1

Yes, it's called the "denial" stage when you lose someone close to you. Next is anger, or bargaining (can't remember). She shouldn't get help just yet, unless she is actually going around telling people her mother is just on vacation.

Answer 2

Unless she's actually sitting on the porch seriously expecting her mother to arrive home that is absolutely normal behaviour.

I don't know whether you have gone through losing somebody very close, but it is the most normal thing in the world to need some time to get to terms with it. Your friend understands perfectly well that her mother is no longer alive; it is just a feeling that she cannot yet fully grasp that her mother is gone forever.

I daresay most people get that feeling when a close relative or friend died - some of us voice it such as your friend, others keep it to themselves. :)

Answer 3

Your friend is going through a natural stage of grieving. Grieving comes in many forms but have been documented by Kübler-Ross ( a Swiss-born psychiatrist and the author of the book On Death and Dying) as having 5 stages:

The stages are:

1. Denial:

          * Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening." or " I can't understand, it doesn't feel real"

2. Anger:

          * Example - "Why me? It's not fair!" "NO! NO!  I hate her for dying and living me!

3. Bargaining:

          * Example - "Just let it not be true, let it be a bad dream and I'll be good. I'll be a great person, I'll pray every night", etc.

4. Depression:

          * Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"

5. Acceptance:

          * Example - "My mother is dead" I am so heart broken but I have to accept it" I have to find a way to live on"...

      Some of this stages may overlap, she may have a draw back ( they don't necessarily happen systematically), but you can count that at some point your friend will have a break down and let it all out, she'll have a good cry and somehow move on. just respect her pace and understand that grieving is very personal and everyone has to do it in a way they can cope with. You are a kind a caring friend and by being there for her, you are giving her the opportunity to recover from her heartbreaking lost at her own pace.

God bless you,

Monik.

Answer 4

It's normal.

Answer 5

That is totally and perfectly normal. when my uncle died i was the same way. its really hard to make yourself believe someone that was always there just is gone now forever. i still sometimes think his on vacation for alittle while and he'll come back. it'll take her time to realize shes really gone so dont be scared or anything.

Answer 6

its normal but if it gets worse (like asking when she will come back, or actually BELIVEING that she is on vacation) then yah get her help