Is this normal during an engagement? Bride is stressed and not herself, groom misses his "girlfriend".

Question

My fiance and I got engaged at the end of May. Our wedding is this August. Not only are we planning a wedding that's 2 weeks away, but we close on our house in 4 days and move in the next day. For the past 2 months, things have not been the same. I have been very stressed and worried with the planning and moving. Since my fiance is working and I have off in the summer (teacher) I have been doing all the organizing when it comes to the wedding, buying of home, and moving. Obviously I have not been my normal relaxed self, and he says he can't wait for it all to be over so he can have me back. I totally see where he is coming from, but I can't help but be high strung. I am wondering if this is normal? We both love each other, it just seems ever since we got engaged, it's been "business".

Answer 1

It's completely natural to lose sight of the person you're marrying (and yourself) when you're planning the biggest event of your life so far.  I can totally see why you're stressed out- for one thing, you had a really REALLY short engagement- I mean, you've basically had to plan a wedding in three short months since you got engaged.  Also, I think that in our culture, with such a high importance placed on weddings, people tend to obsess over minor details, wanting their wedding day to be "perfect," and sometimes forget that it's ultimately about the marriage, not the wedding.  I think it would be wise, in these final weeks before the wedding, to start letting other people (mom, friends, family, etc.) take some of the responsibility from you and help tie up any loose ends, so you and your fiance can reconnect and talk about something other than the wedding.  I know it's hard to think about anything else, especially so close to the big day, but if all he hears all the time is "Wedding Wedding Wedding," he may forget who this incredible person he's marrying really is, and start stressing about it, and you don't want that!  Starting now, designate a "wedding-free" day this week to go on a date with your man.  Do whatever you want, a movie, dinner, a walk, whatever- the only rule is you can't say one thing about the wedding.  Not only will it remind him who his fiancee is, but it will take a lot of stress off you and calm you down.  Best of luck!

Answer 2

Oh my.....you both have a lot of stuff going on!  But yes, it is very "normal" for you to be "all business" and for him to miss the woman he wants to marry.  You've had no choice but to be all business because of all the things going on in such a short time frame.  The best thing is that you realize it and you will be so relieved (and maybe even bored.....lol)  when everything is over.

Good luck and try to take a day off from business after you've moved in to remember why you're planning a wedding.  Maybe a candle light (the electric hasn't been turned on) dinner (delivery pizza) on the floor, surrounded by boxes....

Answer 3

Of course it's normal. You're under a lot of stress with planning a wedding and moving into a new house! Just try to be as calm as possible, set aside some time for the two of you NOT talking about the wedding or the house, money, etc, and just have fun like you used to. Once the wedding is over things will still be busy for awhile with finishing decorating your house, bringing in wedding gifts, writing thank you notes, etc, but once you get all of that caught up, things will calm down and be better than ever!

Good luck! =)

Answer 4

Well you are planning several stresses in your life at the moment.  I got married June 28 and we are supposed to close on our new home too in a few days.  But you can't let it get to you.  Just enjoy the planning it will all be over soon.  Exercise is a great stress reliever.

Answer 5

Of course its normal, you're about to make a life changing move and to be worried or stressed is what anybody in your situation would feel. Just relax and tackle things one at a time and don't forget to make time for just you and him and maybe ask for his input ever now and then so he doesn't feel like an outsider!!!! Good Luck

Answer 6

yup, i know what you mean - same with us and i think it is normal. You have so much to do you just don't have time to be you and relax and do fun things together without the stress of the wedding. Every free moment you have you are working on wedding stuff, especially because you have a short engagement!

I think this is normal. We are going through the same thing and our wedding is 3 weeks away. It seems like every free moment is wedding stuff and if you aren't doing wedding stuff during a free moment you feel like you should be doing wedding stuff because you have a free moment! haha i hope that makes sense.

As long as you know that things will go back to "normal" after the wedding is over, you will be fine.

Answer 7

Of course it's normal. You only gave yourselves 3 months to pan the wedding and you have to worry about your house? Plus with him working, everything is up to you. He needs to be appreciative that you are doing it all by yourself and be supportive of you or perhaps, offer you some help!

Answer 8

Yes its very normal. Try to relax and realize that you are doing TOO much in a small amount of time. Make sure one night you ditch the wedding plans and worry about the house and just go out like you used too. Nothing will fall through or make the world end by one relaxed night.

Warning to future brides who overload themselves!--- buy the house either after the wedding or way before the wedding. allow yourself at least a year to plan the wedding, it's a stessfull time but by spreading it all out, it makes life easier.

Answer 9

This is extremely normal, so do not feel guilty. Your fiance is right: you will be "back" after the wedding.

Moving and having a wedding at the same time has taken a toll on you both. As a mather of fact: moving, having a baby and a wedding are considered the most stresfull events on a life time.

Give yourself some credit for keeping your sanity and for not being at each other throat. It will be all over in a few weeks.

Advice: Take a day off from moving and wedding planning. Have a date for two and do something fun together... the word "wedding" being off limits for that day.

Good luck and congratulations

Answer 10

Hello,,you screwed up planning a wedding in so short a time and you wondered why it seems like business??where's your head at?, you should have just eloped and had fun, you can always do the "other" wedding stuff later, he misses having fun with his woman during the summer??,wonder why having fun during the summer seems so important?, maybe because that's the fun time of the year, you're gonna regret this whole thing before too long. sorry about his luck.

Answer 11

It's absolutely normal.  My fiancee and I are in the same situation -- she just got her Ph.D. and doesn't start her job until September (although there are still remnants of her Grad Student job that she's dealing with), I'm working full time.  She's very nervous about the wedding--how she'll look, whether the guests will have a good time, how everything will work etc., and it keeps her up at night.  I think she resents the fact that I haven't volunteered just to "take care" of more, but I really don't know what it is that she wants me to "take care" of and I'm afraid that if I do something, she won't like how it turns out.  So I wait for instructions, but there's not that much I can do.  (Oh, and we're moving in September 1300 miles away, too!).

Don't worry about it-- things will get better.  But the advice I can give:

(1) Delegate.  As much as you can.  And don't "hint" about what you want done.  Tell your fiance.  If you have specific instructions, give them.  If you can trust him to "take care" of something, tell him that. Don't look over his shoulder or second guess... just let it go.  If you don't like it, ask yourself whether if it's REALLY something that will ruin your day if it stays that way.  If it's not, the let it go.

(2) Don't sweat the really small stuff.  My fiancee and I have spent at least 8 hours designing our ceremony program.  Probably not worth it.  She also spent hours worrying about how to properly address each invitation ("Mr. & Mrs."? Alphabetical by first name? Mr. [boyname] and Mrs. [girlname]?) Then she realized that each invite will probably be different, and no one will likely notice.  

(3) Rely on each other.  Just relax for at least an hour or two each day.  And, if you can help it, don't talk about the wedding one day per week.  Just don't.

Good luck!

Answer 12

Weddings can get stressful.Its normal.Congrats.

Answer 13

yes it is very Normal its just because you gave your self 3 months to plan a wedding and that alone is very stressful and now you are having the closing of a house (a house is very stressful) doing both at once i got to give it to you cause if it was me i would probably go insane. but why dont you take a day off with you fiance so it can be just you two with out any talking of the wedding or the house both of you can use some time together.(with out the stress) (go for dinner, a movie something mellow)

Answer 14

yeah i mean that can happen..just make sure not to lose sight of what's important. what he means to say is that maybe youve just been acting differently..and its his way of saying dont stress out. keep in mind its a happy day your working yourself up over. so dont let it become angersome and stress inducing.