Is this not a piece of poetry?

Question

Dateline: N.O., LA August 31, 2005

And one day I knew

Like as a child when we learned

Lessons for life

All doing stopped

It.....is over

Emptiness brutally assaults you

You aren't

Complete nothing

Memories floating

Visions with no links

Amidst the other visions

No shelves of mementos

Your legacy washed away

You were

Back then

And now.....you ain't

Answer 1

And now you is! and always will be a new.

Change more then not is painful, especially honesty, and the hardest person to be honest with is ourselves, but it is the way out.

Another super poem from you as is today, yet not tomorrow.

Answer 2

i think the aint ruins it abit.

Answer 3

"Hi!"

This is the first poem you have written that completely went over my head. all i got of it was, that i am dead.

it's OK though.

: )

Answer 4

Kicker last line - loved the "you ain't" language ♥

Answer 5

This is indeed a poem. You write of Katrina from an intense perspective, that of the victim..."No shelves of mementos" and " Your legacy washed away" are two very visual and poignant lines.  This is very well done.  Thank you.

Answer 6

The house where my kids were born...gone

friends...some still unfound

"you ain't" is just right on Magazine St.

Powerful poetry.

Answer 7

yes it is poems don't have to rhyme

Answer 8

Without googling it I assume this is the Katrina story.  Well said.

Answer 9

Wow, thats good, but the ain't isn't a great idea. I like The beginning about a child learning, but i don't like the way it melts into darkness,add some memories to brighten it up. Yes, this is an excellent example of a poem, and in art, there is no error, only things that may be improved on. We really shouldn't be judging this work for it is art. Good job!

Answer 10

i think the aint .....also shows the tempo of

the times your writing in!

But theres much more

recognisable .....times up cant be going back

whats done is done.

Answer 11

It's quite spartan in its words.  Wouldn't have had a clue what N. O. was without an added clue later.  You might spell it out to New Orleans right in the Title.  I was enthralled with the piece no less.  

Yes, it is poetry and compelling poetry at that.

Answer 12

First, in answer to your question, yes this is certainly a poem and a well crafted one at that. I like the way you anchor the poem with the title.  I like the use of words like "floating" and '"washed" in ways that only suggest the image. There are two things I think you should reconsider. One is that when you use adverbs (like "brutally") they generally are weak and unneeded. They usually get stuck in because the writer knows the verb they picked isn't strong enough to carry the impact but you have a really strong verb and the line would work better without that word. The other issue is the "ain't" at the end. To me it's a change in voice and takes a great deal away from the impact of the poem. I really like your line breaks and while I usually don't like indicating pauses any other way, your lines with the .....work well for me.

Keep up the good work.

Remember, all critique is opinion. This is mine. You may use it, lose it, or give it to Goodwill.