Is this ok for a parent to do?

Question

This is how I've lived since I was about 8 so I know nothing else, so of course I'm not sure if this is the way all parents raise their children. (i live with my dad only) He leaves for work at 4 am, I wake myself up at 6:30 and he calls to make sure I'm up then I'm off to school. I get home at four, He calls to ask if I have homework, tells me to clean something blah blah blah, he gets home at about 8pm, watches tv for about an hour then goes to bed. This is the normal routine every day except sunday, when he sleeps the whole day. We're not poor so it's not like he has to work that long for us to live. so Is this normal and is this how you raise your kids or see other's rasing theirs? (im 14 btw)

Answer 1

Seriously this has been a solid routine for 6 years? So you going to talk to him about this soon, i hope you can find some ways to point out your concerns on here.

Make a list of things you can go without. Include in that your expectations of your dad. keep it simple and get specific.

A financial expectation list.

Things you expect him to pay,

and things you plan to pay for yourself.

That will help it be clear to him what his kid wants from him.

example:        

                 im concerned that there is not enough time or energy appointed to me in your work week. Im looking to find a comprimise in order to feel like you are interested in me and really want to be an active part in my life. Then tell him how much you realize and appreciate that he works and would be willling to give a few things up in order to lighten his load.

DAD PAYS:

RENT/MORTGAGE+

UTILITES+

FOOD+

YOUR SPORTS+

SETS ASIDE SOME FOR LEISURE ACTIVITES,

MOVIES WHATEVER

YOU PAY:

CELL PHONE (or go without),

CLOTHES,

SOME FOOD,

GAS, etc

If you havent opened an account, do so now, and be proactive about this. Start saving some money and tell him in a few months, i have saved this much and ill use it as a contribution to my college, or whatever just to lighten the load on you. thats how important your time with me is. And not just sleeping around all day when you are here.

Realize that this may also be an avoidance.

(i dont know he or you, can only guess on bare facts here. you didnt say alot abou this behaviour or what he does or doesnt do)

He may be trying to avoid the fact hes i presume  single parent. (its not because he doesnt love you, but if he has alcohol or drug, or loss any kind of trauma issues,) Loss or pain effects people in weird unobvious ways. Working a lot or always trying to keep a nice house and not really wanting to sit down and relax are some sypmtons. usually mixed with some form of addiction though. anyway tell him you need him to be around to really feel that validation of his love and that the fancy house and all the comfort that money is buying, isnt giving you a peace of mind. hope it helps a little. good luck, happy easter!

Answer 2

well no. My parents work alot too. but i think you should talk to him and tell him that you want to spend some time with him. maybe on Sundays instead of him sleeping all day why don't you too do something fun. Hope i helped!

Answer 3

Kiddo that is not normal. I understand hes a single parent and from experience that is tough. I do everything I can to spend time with my daughter! She is the world to me. Maybe your father doesn't know that this bothers you. Have you tried talking to him? Good Luck! Hang in there!

Answer 4

no, I wouldn't say that its normal at all. When I lived with my mom just she and I she worked a lot but not that much. There may be more reasons as to why he works that much, debts that you don't know about or things of that nature. You should talk to him about it though, he's lucky to have a daughter that wants to have him around and hasn't gotten into trouble with so much self reliance. Congratulations to you for handling yourself so well and still caring enough about your dad to want to see him.

btw, I like your sn :)

Answer 5

No it is not how children should be raised.  In fact leaving a child under the age of 9 home alone like that is against the law in most states.   It's a wonder no one turned him in to CPS.

Answer 6

It is very good he calls you and makes sure your ok and doing what you need to but if you want more time with him you just need to tell him. You could always just ask him to go somewhere or hint about a place you would like to go together.

Answer 7

I would talk to him about it. You are old enough to understand his financial concerns. I am a married mother of two. I stay at home while my husband works. He makes a great income, and we have a very nice house. We don't see him much during the week. He works 7AM-8PM. He is lucky to see our kids for an hour a day during the week. He also works a lot of Saturdays. He has most Sundays off and it is family time. He tries to make up for the lost time, but it still isn't enough. But that is how the world works. Have to keep working hard and putting in lots of hours to get by. Even for us as a 2 parent family. Our kids have me yes, but they miss their dad all the time. It is fairly normal, but he knows when to slow it down. I would just discuss this issue with your father. Maybe he can find some free time from work and take off early to spend the afternoon with you. Or maybe change jobs to have better hours to suit each of your needs. I'll bet there is some kind of arrangement that will make you both happy! Good Luck!!

Answer 8

its alriight since you're 14.

but at 8 it seems a little risky.

Answer 9

that is wrong what in the world would ur dad sleep and if something bad happens 2 u how whould he know.

Answer 10

Listen, from experience. My bf works like that, and in top of that he's grouchy becuz he's over worked, tired and eat terrible.

But here is what you should think about and maybe talk to your dad about. You have all those nice things and they do still need to be paid for. I bet he's paying on some bills that you might not know even exsist and adding to a college fund for you??

We are headed into a recession and honey real jobs are VERY hard to come by and to keep! He is probably working as much as possible while its available. There is so many costs to ruining a household and he probably fears not providing enough for you. If your struggling and want to see him try setting up a date way out in the future where he can make for and take some time and u 2 can go hang out. a lot of work a holics do it out of fear of faliure. you dad doesnt want to fail you!

Answer 11

I HOPE THIS HELPS!!!MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOU FATHER //  I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD BUT..TRY!! SIT HIM DOWN AND TELL HIM HOW YOU FEEL!!IF THAT DON'T WORK...DO YOU  HAVE SOME  ONE ELSE  YOU CAN CALL AND TALK TO THIS ABOUT...YOU JUST NEED YOUR DAD!!!DON'T GIVE UP..HE'LL BE THE ONLY FATHER YOU'LL EVER HAVE...GOOD = LUCK !!O.K.!!!

Answer 12

he should spend more free time with you

Answer 13

thats not normal not really at some point you coould go wrong and he wouldnt know it.

Answer 14

i work 6 am to 6 pm one week then swing 6 pm to 6 am the next and then work saturday  on my daylight weeks  gotta make money we live in a 2 bedroom apartment because my ex wive takes a ton of cash off of me and i got a baaby due next week or so  its hard but money isnt easy to come by

Answer 15

A lot of men base their 'manness' on their income. He feels successful working long hours, making lots of money and providing for his child. The fact that he calls to make sure you are up, that you are home, that you have homework, and giving you a chore are all signs of a good parent. However, if you explain to him that you need some quality time with him and ask him to cut back on his hours at work you may be surprised at the reaction.

Talk to your father! Let him know how you feel about it (just like you did here).

Answer 16

It is different in every household. Maybe your dad has to work the hours he is just so you guys can live a comfortable life. I know it sucks. Have you spoken to your father about the way you feel?? If you haven't, then you should, he may think your fine with the way things are.

But on sunday he could defintily spend some time with you instead of sleeping all day. I can understand that he is tired, working those long hours anyone would be, but you need some time with him too.

Talk to him. He's not going to change if you don't let him know how you feel.