Is this poem trash, good, too cryptic or abstract?

Question

Reflection

----

Reflections dwindles and melts;

in the heat of the moment,

Restraint battles passion;

a war of conflicting thoughts,

Doubts materializes and vanishes;

in the capricious state of mind,

Conscience and patience;

flails in retreat;

Utterly and completely;

Engulfed,

The burning self that is me;

Staring into that blurry mirror,

Seeking for myself;

Looking, but not finding.

Answer 1

Personally I disagree with bestpianochick. Poetry is not free from criticism, nor is it designed to ignore the rules of grammar and punctuation. There are poets who have used these devices in a different way than intended, such as e e cummings, but their presence has always been there.

As for the poem itself, your capitalisation seemed a bit sporatic. You capitalised some lines and not others, if this was deliberate I don't think you displayed its intent forcefully enough for the average reader to understand.

Personally I would have put in a line break or two. There are some places where you can use line breaking instead of punctuation to indicate a pause, and it works better if your poem isn't being read out loud, allows the mind that moment of silence before the next word.

There was one line I wasn't sure about; "Doubts materializes and vanishes". I think it might read better as "Doubts materialize and vanish". Other than that I thought you didn't need to refer to the fact that the "burning self" was you in the fourth line from the end, the implication is there.

All that said your metaphors were sharp and focused while the imagery was intense, dragging the reader into your head space.

Short but by no means lacking impact. :) Well done

Answer 2

Good poem

Answer 3

This is the best poem I have ever read. Terrific.

Answer 4

Oh, this is a very good poem.  It is deep.  On the surface you have a personal battle that is reflected back through the mirror. Beneath, you have a dynamite sensual dance between the lover and his love (reflected in the mirror).

That heat radiates!

T.

Answer 5

i think its good, kind of deep, yet, i get it the whole idea. i like it. :]

Answer 6

As an English major, I think the concept is good. But you absolutely don't need all that punctuation. It majorly takes away from the poem and makes it difficult to read. Here is how I would punctuate it: (Remember, you don't pause at the end of every line of poetry UNLESS there is punctuation, so the way you're punctuating it, it's very choppy-sounding.)

Reflection dwindles and melts

in the heat of the moment;

Restraint battles passion:

a war of conflicting thoughts;

Doubt materializes and vanishes

in the capricious state of mind;

Conscience and patience

FLAIL in retreat;

Utterly and completely

Engulfed,

The burning self that is me;

Staring into that blurry mirror,

Seeking for myself;

Looking, but not finding.

It is not clear what is being engulfed--is it you, or "conscience and patience"? If it is the latter, I would put a period after "engulfed" and put "is" after "me" and remove the semicolon. If it is the former, I'm not sure how to, but you need to make it more clear.

I capitalized "flail" to make sure you remove the S.

Remember a semicolon is like a period and should only be used to separate whole sentences.

I know I tore apart the grammar but I really do like the poem! I don't think the concept needs any revision at all.

Answer 7

Poetry shouldn't be made to be criticized. I think it is fine, and you are free from grammar and stuff like that cause its poetry.