Is this problem gambling? What to do?

Question

I think my boyfriend is addicted to gambling. He plays poker several days a week (driving over an hour to reach the nearest casino) and often plays online for hours when he doesn't go to the casino. We have moved into a new home two years ago and have a lot of renovations that my boyfriend promised to do. So far, he has only painted one room since we moved in, which I'd say is about 5% of the work that needs to be done. He owns his own business which he maintains, but doesn't seem interested in growing it like he used to. He has hired other people to do his work and I would say he only works on his business 1-2 days per week. The rest of the time he spends at the casino. He even gets up at 4:00 a.m. sometimes to drive to the casino so he can "catch" the people that have been up all night. I am really worried that he has a problem. He lies to other people (such as his mother!) about how often he goes to the casino. It is really hurting our relationship, he even goes away to atlantic city and las vegas to play in tournaments, only giving me a day or two's notice. He doesn't see this as a problem because more often than not, he wins. I love him and don't want to leave him, but I am at my witt's end. Help!

Answer 1

It can be considered an addiction, but if he is winning, that could be the reason why he does it.  I'll use the example of a professional poker player.  They decided to play poker, and make their living off of gambling.  Do you consider them to have a problem?  With the large interest in poker lately, I'm not surprised.  

If you own a business, make your living off the business, and only work 1-2 days per week, that sounds like a good life.  When you can pay people to do your work, and just watch over here and there, that shows a promising business.  

If it's hurting your relationship, then you need to talk to him.  Maybe even a little intervention, or a plan of action could be used.  Explain to him your concerns, make sure he knows you love him, and appreciate what he does (he does win, so I hope he shares the money), but that it's hurting the relationship.    He probably lies because he doesn't see it as a problem, but doesn't want the hassle of other people seeing it as a problem.  

Talk to him.  

Ken

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Answer 2

If your boyfriend is neglecting his business and home life and he is lying about his gambling, I would say he has a problem, but if his winnings cover all financial needs, then you`re going to have a hard time convincing him he has a gambling problem. Should his luck change and he starts losing at poker and his business starts slipping for lack of attention, maybe then he`ll admit he is addicted. There are many addicted gamblers who have lost their homes, savings, wives, everything, before they seek help. Your only recourse is to accept what is or leave. If he does not see a problem with his gambling, there is little else you can do at this point, especially if he`s paying his bills and putting food on the table.