Is this responsible parenting?

Question

I'm always left with my two half sisters aged 9 and 5 while my parents (Mum and step Dad) go gallivanting in other countries. I'm 18, boy and know absolutely nothing about taking care of youngsters. I mean is it fair that they just go on holiday whenever they want without even considering how i feel being left with my half sisters and doing all the stuff that parents do in a household. Are they being responsible parents? It annoys me whenever they tell me they are going out of the country after they have already booked and i have no choice but just nod. Don't get me wrong i don't hate my sisters its just that im still a teenager and supposed to be doing my own stuff. Are they being reasonable?

Answer 1

At 18 you are an adult. Your parents think it is their prerogative to leave you holding the bag, and as long as you are in their house, you are stuck with their rules.

You need to learn how to play "keep-away"... in other words, have your schedule so full that they can't dump the kids on you. Get a job, and get started with the local community college. Have as many evening classes as you can stand, and go elsewhere for study hall... the student union building is great. There are multiple shifts at grocery stores... use them to your advantage.

You need to take steps to get out of there.  

Answer 2

This is some irresponsible parenting...you are 18 yeah old enough but barely to take care of yourself, you really need to talk to them and let them know how irresponsible they are being..it seems to me that you are very responsible because you have been taking care of your sisters..but come on!! other 18 year old will just don't give a dam and leave....

Answer 3

no its not for you to be looking after your sisters you need to tell your mum s/dad your not doing it again so not on you should be doing what you want to do with your life you will have to have it out with them good luck

Answer 4

I think it's wrong of them to do it, especially if it's often.

Answer 5

If they are leaving them with you then technically they are being responsible. Reasonable however, is a completely different question. At 18 you are an adult and, even though I understand you want your own life, it shouldn't be too much to ask of you to look after them for a little while. If they do it often without giving you any say that is a little unfair. Try talking to your parents about it

Answer 6

You do have a choice besides just nodding. It might be a bit scary, but will be worth it.

Tell them you have plans. Unbreakable plans. And you won't be here. Stick to your guns.

The hassle of rebooking along with any fees and penalties will educate them.

You teach people how to treat you.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Years ago, when I was your age, this happened to me too.  At the time, they saw it as a "fait complait".  In other words, they just assumed that I would take care of my sibling and they did not consider my feelings, indeed they booked what they wanted to do and just upped and left and assumed I would get on with it.  So I feel for you because I have been there.

At the time, I did not "rock the boat".  I wanted to get along with everyone and I did want to help, just not be taken advantage of.  I also could not decide whether what they expected was reasonable or not, because everyone around me just let me get on with it, so the fact that I was not happy with it made me wonder if it was me who was wrong?

Anyway, 20 odd years have now passed.  With the ability of hindsight, I can now tell you that this is UNREASONABLE, this is TAKING ADVANTAGE and USING YOU.  

I am sorry you are in this situation.  Somehow you need to tell them, when they are not going away, that you cannot go on doing this, because you are only a teenager yourself.  I think it will help finding support, either within or outside your family unit, to back you up on this before you have the chat - and preferably be there when you speak.  From my history, I can tell you that I tried to do the chat on my own and it went badly wrong (at least I am telling you the truth) because they could not see how selfish they were and tried to blame me and accuse me of being selfish. I can tell you now, years later, that I was not selfish, just doing my best and wanting to live my life as I should have been able to, with feeling worn down with their parental duties.

Yes, please seek help and support, and some guidance on this for you.  Maybe an authority figure at school, your doctor or someone senior within your family - even one of your friend's parents?  I do feel for you and I hope you find some satisfactory resolution.  It is such a tricky place to find yourself.  Please remember that the situation you are in IS NOT YOUR FAULT or doing.  Take care.