Is this scene too violent for a YA novel I'm currently working on?

Question

In my novel, "Jane" is the daughter of a witch who, after years of being persecuted by her town, moves with Jane faraway into the mountains so they can live in peace. Other witches and town pariah get wind of this and move to live near the mother and daughter.

Over a 10 year period, the groups becomes a small, close-knit village with Jane's mother as their leader. They stay in the mountains and keep to themselves.

The townspeople from the original village discover this and decide to destroy the mountain village because they fear the group is getting too powerful and will harm them. "John" leads the townspeople up the mountain to destroy them.

One of the witches spots the invaders and quickly alerts Jane's mom, who has Jane take all the mountain children into a cavern hidden beneathe her house.

Jane and several other teenagers are all huddling in the cavern trying to comfort the younger children, when the invaders somehow discover them.

John and his men enter the cavern and force a young child to expose which of them is the lead witches daughter (it's Jane).

John is expecting Jane to appear all gnarled and ugly since she is a witches' daughter, but is surprised to find she's attractive. So he takes her out of the cavern and rapes her in front of the village.

While he is raping her, his men kill the children. When John is done, he beats Jane, then throws her battered body into the cavern and seals it closed.

Unbeknown to him, though Jane is badly injured, she lives. She manages to unseal the cavern and is horrified to find the invaders have cut off the heads of all the children.

When she climbs out of the cavern to discover the village has been ransacked and there are no survivors.

Answer 1

Rape will provoke extreme reactions, no matter the age group.  Definitely inappropriate for YA.

I really liked the premise of your story, aside from the rape aspect.  It's been well-documented that rape has nothing to do with how attractive or appealing an individual may be -- it's an issue of control.  For him to do that "because she's pretty" seems beyond barbaric.

In my opinion, it would be more powerful for him to meet and fall in love with Jane without knowing her background... but then he could learn it and reject her.  

Answer 2

I think the rape is enough. The cutting off of the kids' heads is far too graphic. Killing the entire village is enough without needing to make an example out of the children.

Very rarely are you going to have characters who are so purely evil as to purposefully decapitate kids. Whereas, if an accident happens and the bad people shrug and say, too bad they all burned to death and good riddance - that is evil in and of itself, but a more realistic sort of evil. People reading your story can relate to that because everyone knows someone who has stood by and let something bad happen by not caring enough.

The rape is acceptable in a YA novel because it is about control and power, not good or evil.

Personally, I think that killing off the entire village would be enough to change a person dramatically like that. Place yourself in Jane's situation and image her stepping out the cave and walking through the village to discover that it is completely burned out, with dead bodies of friends lying everywhere; mothers who died trying to protect their children, men lying in a line where they fell as they defended the last stronghold (maybe their place of worship, like a temple or holy wiccan place). That is graphic enough.

Jane doesn't have to be protecting all the kids in the town, she could simply be one or two (maybe a mom went off to help an older lady) and have them ripped away from her when the bad men discover her. They could pull her out of the basement or cavern, rape her in front of the village, and then her last memory can be seeing the roof of the holy place (where everyone else is hidden) go up in flames and hearing screams of fear before hitting her head or passing out in the sealed cave.

I would read up on invasions, like the Mongols or even Indian attacks, to see what they did. Even though this is fantasy, history books would be very illuminating to see what kind of pillaging people did and how you could use that to your benefit. For example, if you had hoped this was a world similar to medevial times, then look up what kind of attacks the Scots did to each other then. Sure, they killed all the people, even the kids, but they usually reserved quartering and decapitating for the leaders of the village, as they wanted to make an example of them.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It was okay until you got to the killing part.

I have read about rape in young adult books and if you write it in a sensitive way that portrays the violence of the act then it can be done. Remember that rape is about control not because this creep suddenly thinks she is pretty. What about the other witches? They wouldn't just stand there and watch passively as one of their own was hurt in sure an evil way.

Killing the children was too much and there is no need to go into how they murdered them.

A warning to you. Men writing about rape from a women's point of view is often done badly. You would need some insight from a woman to know how this affects them.

There has to be more then revenge or the story will be shallow.

Edit: Revenge could be a part of why she first starts down that road but people are more complex then just one reason. Maybe she feels abandoned by the "normal" town that rejected her and her family. Perhaps she wants to search out another home or find someone like her, past or present. Does she ever question "why her" or "why now" both of which could be an unanswered question that would make the story deeper. What does she plan to do after this revenge? I just think there needs to be more.

Answer 4

One thing that you have to remember about YA writing is that many publishers won't touch a manuscript with such violence against children.  Teens facing rape is one thing...but decapitated youngsters could immediately send your story into the trash bin.  You have to remember that parents are going to be the ones paying for the books, in most cases, and so publishers don't want to rock the boat TOO much.

Basically, editors, publishers, and parents will only tolerate a "push of the envelope" so much.  They are allowing more than ever before (terminal illness, STD's, teen pregnancy, drug use, and problems facing teens today), but it's a slippery slope that can get you quickly blackballed from publishing society if the push goes too far.

Is there any other way to make Jane bitter?  Seeing her village destroyed, being beaten, or the villagers killing her mother...I just think you need to look at this from all possible angles.

If you choose to keep this, be sure to discuss it ahead of time with any literary agent you think you may decide to work with.  They would know for sure how far is too far in today's YA literary industry.

Answer 5

if you write it so that the rape is not excessively detailed then it should be ok. but also if the rest of the story is not so violent then it seems weird that all of a sudden you have this really violent part (mass killings and rape)

Answer 6

I don't read much young adult, but speaking as a parent, I would not want my child--even if they were a teenager--reading a detailed description of a rape, beating, mass murdering of children, etc.

I can see why it would be important to the story, but I'd suggest finding a way to let the reader know that it happened without actually showing it.

Answer 7

Definitely a bit too much for a YA...depending on what level YA. If it's for older teens, then it's fine, just don't go into too much detail with the rape.

Answer 8

A good writer will be able to express things without directly telling.  I'm sure there are ways you can artistically articulate that she experienced things that would have affected her without telling it directly.