Is this selfish of me or am I justified?

Question

My wife and I are planning a trip to Europe for 3 weeks where we will go to 4 countries. We are to visit her relatives in Greece and then travel to Istanbul, Rome & Paris. Her parents live in Australia we live in Canada as such they don't see each other much. They will be arrivig in Greece aroud the same time. We are expected to be in Greece for 6 days then start our travelling.

She has invited her parents to travel beyond Greece with us. Is it selfish of me to want to spend time in Paris and Rome with just her and not her parents as well? Sorta like two's company, three's a crowd, anymore's a mob.

I feel kind of bad because I don't know if her parents will ever get to go to Rome or Paris any other time, but at the same time I feel if you are going to two of the world's most "romantic cities" do you want your parents/in-laws coming with you?

I told her if her parents do decide to come, I don't want to be with them all the time and definately want alone time with her.

Answer 1

I don't think you are being completely selfish, but I don't think you are completely justified either. I can understand that you want to be alone with your wife in two of the most "romantic cities"; however, you can make a trip with her parents work if you plan things out. Think about your wife; she rarely gets to see her parents, so she is also justified in wanting her parents along the trip. You don't have to spend every moment with her parents, and you can even plan days when you two and the parents will spend time apart. You should come to a compromise with your wife so that everybody wins. You're wife will be happy that she has such a compromising husband who is willing to work things out with her and because she can see her parents, and you will still have your days alone with her in Paris and Rome, which will be even better because your wife will be even happier with you.

Time spent alone should be about quality, not quantity. She might not be upset by the time she gets to Paris and Rome, but she won't be as happy and thrilled as she would be with the knowledge of how great a guy you are because you won't be that guy. With her parents along the trip, you might not have the quantity, but you will certainly have the quality alone time together. However, your wife and her parents need to be on board with your plan to separate for a day or two as well so that the alone time is ensured.

Telling the parents if they decide to come, you don't want to spend all your time with them is not selfish at all. In fact, if they have a problem with that, then they are the ones who are selfish because this is you and your wife's trip, it's not your wife and her parent's trip.

Answer 2

I don't think its selfish, but you need to understand her point of view- she has known them all her life and gets to see them only once every couple years (if she's like my husband who's family is in Russia).

She just wants to spend more time with them.

Ask her if you guys can spend a romantic evening together in Paris and that will make you feel better - also have seperate rooms part of the time and some nights, just decide to go to the hotel early - watch a movie (if there are any english ones) and snuggle.  If they are like my parents, they might turn in early anyway - if they are like my husbands' parents, they will outlast you at the bar and you can go home without them.)

Good luck and try to be understanding.  Don't ruin your trip before you even leave by making her upset.

Answer 3

I think that you are very much justified, to want to be able to travel alone to those other countries. Because one they are romantic countries so why would you want parents tagging along becaue then the quality time you wanted to experiment with her will be gone because the parents will want to be with you 24/7, and you guys will have no time to your own.. So you bet you are more then justified, i would do the same thing!!

Answer 4

Remember that your wife hardly ever gets to see her parents.  Why not ask her how she feels about your thoughts?

First:  your wife has already extended the invitation to her parents which: 1.  Means that SHE wants to spend the time with them, and 2.  Means that you'd be putting your wife in an awkward spot if she now were forced to retract that offer.  Remember too that her parents may be excited about seeing these places too--and if plans are already in place, what are the parents supposed to do now with those 12 extra days?

Second:  Remember that you can be romantic ANYwhere--but your wife CAN'T spend time with BOTH parents TOGETHER except on rare occasions--like this trip! [talking on the phone is NOT the same as spending real time with them].   If you love your wife, then respect that she wants to spend precious time with her rarely-seen parents.  Also do you think your wife's going to feel very romantic towards you if you hurt her and her parents like this?  Your wife will love and respect you more if you respect her family's needs.  

Third:  However, there's no reason why you can't have BOTH.  Ie., there's still room for romantic moments.   I suspect your inlaws would be willing to let you and your wife spend an evening alone in Paris and Rome--most parents would respect this.--and you'll ALL want some breaks from each other during a 3-week trip.

Whatever, have a nice trip. You'll love Greece, Paris and Rome no matter what.

Answer 5

How about you stay home and then you won't have all of these "problems"?

Answer 6

no it is absolutely not selfish of you.

i had a friend who's husband brought his parents the entire time to a trip to italy and she was so bummed there was zero time for romance. of course you want time alone with her, it's friggin paris!!!

even her parents, if they are sane, would get this.

tell her you are fine with them seeing you as planned in greece and that's it. it is not unreasonable.

everyone should sincerely understand. if anything the parents should think it sweet that the two "lovebirds" want to go off and enjoy paris and rome together. to be honest, i think your wife should ahve asked you first before going and inviting them, that wasn't very considerate on her part.

put your foot down, now!