Is this s*x addiction... or is it worse?

Question

I've got a problem either way...

I've been living with my ex-girlfriend who I love and adore for the past month... we broke up 2 years ago and she waltzed back into my life...

Things are going well, but we're not dating. I know it sounds like I'm being used, but I'm not.

Since we're not dating, things aren't like they used to be.. In public situations we both show that we're single so that the rumor mill doesn't spin out of control (we live in an apparently small city where everyone talks c**p).

That's fine with me most of the time but seeing as how she's my ex, I feel as if there should be something more.

We have had casual s*x since she came back so I thought things were going to be O.K. ... however it only happens when we're both intoxicated and feel the need to suppress our primal urges.

The other night I felt the need again... but she was very intoxicated... and now I feel like a creep... because while she was in la la land i felt the need to start touching her. And the more I touched her the more I wanted... eventually I broke down and had s*x without consent with her...

The only reason I did it was the more I touched her the more she subconciously respdoned to my touch. She seemed to be enojoying it but she was half-asleep...

We were both intoxicated. when I was done I felt like the worlds biggest creep. Its killing me to know that I've done something this bad and this wrong...

The sad part is this isn't the first time I've done something like this...

When I'm laying next to a girl I feel these urges that I can't control... and when I snap out of my delusion... I feel disgusted that the thought even crossed my mind.

I don't want to do this again and I think I need some serious help. I don't want to be a sexual predator or a creep and I'm scared that this will ruin what my friend and I have.

Please help

Answer 1

Did you two talk about it when you sobered up?  If not, then you need to.  You need to know that she was "there" with you while you were having your own fun.  Dude,  either you're with her or your not.  There is no in between.  If you two are broken up, then break the h**l up and move on.  If you're together then shout it fro the mountaintops and be PROUD that she's with you.  If she keeps coming back every so often, then she's playing you.  And if you let her, she'll keep coming back and then back out of your life again.  You need to move on with you life, with or without her.  Damned the opinions of the yahoos around town.  It's time to grow up and be your own man!!  

Answer 2

Well, that definitely does pose a problem. Every guy has raging hormones and they are very hard to control. You have to try your hardest to control them or things could get very bad, especially since this isn't the first time you've done this.. I think the first solution here would just be to pray about it every day for those strong urges and feelings to go away and maybe talk to a therapist or something about it. I'm really glad you are seeking for help now and realize the problem. That shows a lot! Good luck and I'll be praying for you too!

Answer 3

You seem to have the smarts to understand what is happening. Further you have the means to change it. So just do what you know you need to solve the problem. I am sure you will succeed.  Good Luck

Answer 4

I had to re-read your question (which I would encourage others to do as well) because your long story regarding the break up, move back in girlfriend bit is not the point. Whether you had s*x in the past while intoxicated is not the point. You may have been drinking but, you were aware enough to know what you were doing and you were aware enough to know that she was NOT! You knew it was wrong but chose  to go ahead and do it anyway, knowing throughout the act that it was wrong and still you didn't stop.. You admit to having 'delusions" of a sexual nature that i can only assume are of a similar style, ie;forcing yourself upon a girl, conscious or not, I don't know. Correct me if i am wrong but,THAT is the point of your question. So your answer is YES. Absolutely you need to get ahold of a counselor or a facility specializing in treatment in this area and get to the root of why you feel the urges you do and start immediate treatment for it. Also, be sure to avoid drinking alcohol as you need your judgment to be as clear as possible.  

Answer 5

Congratulations! You just confessed to a rape. I'd leave town if I were you!

Answer 6

the trick, i think, is in why you say you 'can't control' whether you touch them or not

the best thing (my opinion) is to talk to someone- and soon! not because i'm afraid for your ex's well being so much as i'm afraid of where this goes.. as in you feel like a creep, which'll make you want to deal with it less and less. the whole thing can spiral real badly:

my huz has had a similar thing- he's so into immediate feeling good that he lets himself believe it's ok for the moment. then he feels like you do. and that's hard to handle so he ends up looking to feel good again and take his mind off it... circular misery!

you can straighten the whole thing out, ok? maybe quit hanging around with girls until you get a better way to deal with this though- otherwise you'll just get into it worse, make sense?

good luck

Answer 7

Dude, I read that whole thing and was thinking that you really have feelings for her still. But then I read the rest and thought "well, it's with other girls too..."

I think you could benefit from some kind of counseling. I don't know what else to say...

GL,

Adrian

Answer 8

Addiction? No.

Booze impairs impulse control and your judgment is gone. Knock off the booze and likely you not get yourself into situations that would compromise your values.  Such as getting drunk with and banging an EX..

Sounds more like consensual intoxication and intercourse under the influence.

I fully agree with "firefite...." grow up and move on. She was gone for a while for a reason. She waltzed back? But you allowed it.



Lapse of judgment yes, don't beat yourself up. EZ does it.

Booze is probably the issue that impacted this situation and not anything more malevolent.

Answer 9

you s*x is the best theing for you becous i hade s*x with girl like every day and fells like you are in the air and and you can see ther bodys every day and fell good