Is this sexist?

Question

When me and my girlfriend fantasize about having kids, I always imagine a son. I imagine teaching him how to use tools and how to build stuff at a young age, exposing him to real music, how to throw a ball, etc. I tell her I wouldn't care if it was a boy or girl as long as they were healthy, and this is mostly true, but I still want a son. Is that sexist? Also, do most people still wish to have sons? I feel that most people prefer sons... Is that true?

Answer 1

No, it's not sexist.

I don't know if most people prefer sons, but whatever the preference, it omes from human nature.  

I was hoping for a girl, and I've done all those things you mentioned with her.  Especially the real music part, however you define it.  (Post-punk, in our case)

Answer 2

Your own preference for a son does not seem to be all that sexist...but when you project that thought on to "most people"  as you do at the end of your question, then, yes, it is sexist.

Answer 3

no, thats not sexist.

Answer 4

I don't think that's sexist. Men tend to want sons, because they feel like they can relate better and "bond" easier. Some women want little girls so they can dress them up and do their nails together. My dad is the father of three girls, and he defiantly isn't as involved in out lives as my mom is. Most people want sons because most girls ages 11-17 hate everything about their family and cause a lot of "drama". I wouldn't worry about it! Alone, the fact that you are concerned shows your going to be a great father either way.

Answer 5

No.  As long as if you do have a girl that'll you'll still love her just the same as a boy.

After having a very spoilt sister who is a drama queen and then my bros who were laid back, I'd always wanted to have sons rather than daughters, plus I'm not into girly stuff.

Answer 6

It is only 'sexist' if you would not do that if your child were a daughter.

I've been blessed to have two wonderful children, both girls. I've had the great fortune to be able to teach them how to use tools, help in coaching their sports teams (including tackle rugby), etc.

My older child is mechanically inclined and enjoys working in shop class at school, often getting one of the top scores in class. I can trust her to help me do anything when I'm working on our cars. My younger child prefers sports to working with her hands -- and she excells in the sports she participates in, playing on the #4 ranked team in the state for soccer. Neither would be considered 'tomboys', but confident in who they are and not afraid to mix it up. I'd love to take them dirt bike riding, but that crosses a line in the sand drawn by their mother that isn't worth the battle.

But to answer your question -- your thought process is only sexist if you limit it to having a son.

As for your second question: I can't speak in absolute terms, but most men, on some level, wish to have at least one son to continue the extension of the family surname. Part of it is cultural, part of it is more primative -- just my $0.02

Answer 7

Yes! This is sexist.  Why cant you imagine teaching HER how to use tools and how to build stuff at a young age, exposing HER to real music, how to throw a ball, etc. ?

Answer 8

Have raised five kids, both male and female. Girls are easier they want time with their parents were boys want play time. I work 10-12 hours a day in construction I'm sore every day after work and playing ball is difficult.

As far as sexist....NO

Different life styles bring different abilities and different desires, that is not sexist.

Answer 9

Not at all. A lot of people want to have sons to carry on their name. I am a female and I want mostly sons (but at least one daughter) because I think they're easier to parent. A lot of people don't realize how much they will love their child, no matter what the gender, as soon as it is placed in their arms. You will love your baby, whether it's a boy or a girl.

If you didn't love your daughters and only loved your sons, THEN you would be sexist (and a horrible parent).

Answer 10

not at all

Answer 11

Yes it is true, but if you get a girl you can teach her softball and you can still listen to music and teaching kids at a young age helps them learn alot so if you have a girl or boy you'll still love them very much!

Answer 12

Yeah its common to want the same s*x child so you can teach them these things, i dont think its sexist unless you go to extremes like pretending your daughter (in the future) is a boy.

Answer 13

I don't think there is anything wrong with you wanting a son to teach things to, however, you could also teach a girl how to use tools, throw a ball etc, some girls are interested in those things as well.  I am not sure what 'real music' is (something horrible and loud I suspect) but most young people tend to like the music of their own generation best, whatever that might be.  Also bear in mind that not all boys like the same things.  You may want to teach your son certain things but he won't necessarily want to learn them.

I never cared much what s*x my children were, though after I had had two boys I did find myself thinking that it would be quite nice if the next one was a girl.  However I got another boy and I am very happy with him.  I do sometimes think that it would have been nice to have had a daughter though. I think most people would ideally like some of each.  My ex-brother-in-law had six sons, and always longed for a daughter but never got one.  He eventually had some granddaughters though, which cheered him up a bit.

Answer 14

No that's not true...

Many people  - especially women... have the same fantasies about DRESSING THEIR DAUGHTERS up and having TEA and going shopping and talking about BOYS.

You can do everything you suggested to a daughter too!

I don't find PERSONAL DREAMS - sexist.

Any more than you might want your child to inherit your "blue eyes".

Answer 15

And if I had a puppy, would I still need a goldfish?

Answer 16

Well, valuing one gender over the other is sexist I suppose.  But everyone should be able to have their own fantasies about what kids they want......

To answer your last question, I don't think most people prefer sons.  I don't have any stats to back that up, but.....

And finally, I just have to add this: Talk to someone who works in a hospital or in a school about how crazy it is to be so focused on the gender of your children.  I see kids where I work with all kinds of crazy medical problems, kids who have suffered more in their lives than I have in my 37 years, and I THANK GOD that I was given two healthy children.  I think people who are set on having one s*x over another are taking for granted that their babies will even be healthy.  (I know you mentioned that you didn't care as long as they were healthy; I'm just talking about people in general.)

Answer 17

I think so cause do u relly want a girl who wants to buy LOTS OF CLOTHES AND SHOES AND PERFUME or a boy who wants a football?

Answer 18

If you never consider the possibility that all of the children will be girls then you may have a problem.     All of those things you could do with a girl as well.  There is nothing in the rules of children that would make your son interested in those things!

You would really be a sexist if you both had decided you only wanted 2 children and they were girls then wanted to force the issue and keep demanding your wife get pregnant - or force her to abort female fetuses.

Answer 19

And if you had a son and then started to fixate on having a girl, would that still be being sexist?

It rather depends on what you mean by "sexist".  If you want to have a boy because you believe it is the only way to continue your family - then yes, you are being sexist.

Answer 20

As to whether *most* people want a son, that might have as much to do with culture, background and your own life experiences as anything else.

But as for whether it's sexist to want a son, I don't see how it could be, really. You want what you want, not what you think you should want.

But if you do happen to have a girl child, you might be surprised by the depth of affection and bonding you might have with her.

Sometimes people have a much wanted son (or daughter) and it's not all that.

At other times, it's wonderful.

Every child should be wanted and loved, regardless of gender.

Cheers :-)

Answer 21

Believe it or not dude,  men usually see themselves having a son and women usually see themselves having a girl.  This isn't true for everybody but in most cases it's true.  This is because we as men can identify with a son than with a daughter because we were once little boys.  The same can be said for women.  Not sexist at all.

Answer 22

that is not sexsist at all because thats what youu whant

Answer 23

it's cool! if you want a son to teach him about sports,cars,tools then it's not sexists

Answer 24

No it is not sexist.its just human desire for teaching someone everything you know and the easiest way to do that is to have a child your own gender.I dream for a girl so i can teach her about life.Its just what humans desire.

Answer 25

It's not sexist.

Aborting girls because you are only allowed one child and want a son because your government and culture has made girl babies a burden on the family... that's sexist. (See: China and India.)