Is this sexual harassment or miscommunication?

Question

Last week, Im sitting inside my room at this boarding house ( with 6 other guys who have their own rooms ) when I get a knock on the door from a friend whose room is upstairs. He asked me to come upstairs for a drink with another guy. So I go since in korean culture, its rude to turn down a drink from someone older than you. I went and this other guy who is 56 years old tells me and friend that he wants to go to golden corral restaurant. I say yes.

Now fast forward 2 days later. A co worker comes to my desk and ask if I can speak with her in private in the conference room . I thought the boss was telling her to tell me that Im fired ( since I work for a small korean company who cant speak english except this girl whose english is limited to translate for my boss ). So I ask her once we are alone what is happening. She told me that her and her husband is divorcing. I said why would that matter to me. She said she wants to improve her english before she goes back to korea at the end of this year. So i remember that me and the guys are going to a non korean restaurant and since we go there and we will be speaking in english also ( because those 2 guys want to improve their english ) , I suggest that she should come along and learn english with us. She agrees.

Later that night, I go back upstairs and I see those 2 guys drinking and watching a movie on tv. I told them that I will bring a co worker ( female ) with us. They said ok and then all of a sudden this one guy says " hey ask that co worker if she can bring that older lady "

Few weeks before all this, everyone at this boarding house knows that I work with few males and 2 females only . They ( not just these 2 guys but everyone else who lives at this boarding house ) keeps pressuring me to bring the ladies over. I keep refusing.

So the guy is saying " hey if you dont bring over that older lady i am not going to the restaurant ". I told him " dude, wtf? you agreed to appointment, dont back out" then he said " im not going if you dont ask her ( the girl I invited ) to bring that older lady"

then the friend said " hey, if this guy isnt going, im not going either. I dont want to go to a restaurant with all guys and no women "

I asked him then why did you say yes to go to the restaurant and he said " honestly, i didnt want to go but i change my mind now"

Then I said I cant force my co worker to ask that lady to come because thats rude.

( in korean culture, most guys invite women to party with them and hang out. Most korean guys drink alot and go kaoroke dance clubs with women. In korea, you normally dont see all guys hanging out together unless there are women ( either girl friends or female co workers ) involved. Thats how it is in korea).

So I said you serious to that old guy and he said " yes , then he looked ****ed off"

I called the girl up ( because disobeying a elder person in korea is disrespect ) and she answered the phone. I asked her if she can ask the other girl if she wants to come to restaurant with us. She replied no she cant.

Then the friend and the older guy starting laughing out loud, then my friend slapped my leg ( implying that they were drunk and just f*cking around with me ).

So I guess the girl on the phone heard the laughter and assumed I was part of this entire conversation. She got upset and said " hey, i dont want to come and join you and your friends, got it ?"

Then I said I will call her back later but I think she hung up the cell phone.

After few minutes, the friend went back to his room and the old guy went downstairs to eat. I went outside to call the girl up to apologize and explained that it was not my intention to cause this problem . No answer after 2 calls.

On saturday I called my boss saying I will be at the office to do some work I missed on friday. Everything was good until he said " hey can I ask you one more thing?" I said , sure. Then he said " what happened between you and your co worker?" I said, what do you mean? Then he said , you know what I mean.

I didnt want to get the boss involved in this mess so I told him everything I just explained in this post to him. He said he will talk to her about that and that I can come to the office.

He told me at his office room that I need to becareful because this can be considered sexual harassment. I apologized to him and explained it was not my intention.

Later that night I told my friend and that older guy what my boss and the girl said. They were suprised and said " how is that sexual harassment? " then he kept saying " i dont even know them, this is outside of work not inside, how is this sexual harassment?"

So now im trying to figure out how she ( female co worker ) will respond to me on monday. Is this my fault?

Answer 1

Actually, it depends on what the girl thinks. It CAN be considered sexual harassment if she can give evidence of any offense. However, I think you should just ask your boss to supervise a meeting between the two of you on monday so you apologize for any offense she thinks you've made. That way, you wont be alone with her and she won't freak out on you and run away.  

Answer 2

Firstly it would have been wiser to direct your female co-worker to a english speaking class, and kept out of it. It is a wise person who keeps their work and private lives separate.

Secondly, those two guys you are not your friends and I would suggest you slowly distance yourself from them, they are going to get you into trouble. You said it is considered to be impolite to refuse an elder who wants to drink. Maybe that elder person should also be one you can trust and respect.

As to dealing with the female co-worker it can be very frightening to anyone who gets phone calls like that with two drunken idiots laughing in the background. Also to keep ringing her is a type of abuse and harassment. I would apologise and be polite and courteous to her and try and let things rest, or you could be in a big mess.

Remember the men are not your friends they were using you to have fun, and who knows what they had planned when they took you out, these sound like dangerous men to be around.

Choose carefully my friend there are some people who you do not get mixed up with.  

Answer 3

Miscommunication.  

Answer 4

A misunderstanding for sure. She was a bit over sensitive but maybe she did think people were making fun of her. Maybe she doesn't get along with the older lady and didn't want to socialize with her outside of work.

Sounds like your boss is trying to be nice and help out.

Not sure if they do this in Korea but maybe bring her a flower or something on Monday like a peace offering.Or a card of some kind.

Answer 5

Wow, first I'd like to say you told the story well and I followed it, I think.

I dont know about Korean culture, so I don't know how this woman will respond. But,

Your response or attitude about it all should be one that says "hey I did everything I could to make this work out and it did not. I did nothing to harm but only got caught up in a cruel joke. You would like to make it up to her and have another opportunity to take her to dinner and practice english."

Good luck.

try not to be to soft toward her, not harsh or mean just not to soft. In doing so you will show that you have lost some respect in the whole thing just like she did.

Answer 6

It's a simple misunderstanding. And I wish I had never read all of that.

If she is mad at you, apologize. If she doesn't believe you that you weren't part of the joke, just say "well, but it's the truth." Keep your answers short. Trying to explain everything, the way you did above, will just make people hate you.

Answer 7

tl;dr