Is this site more beneficial or harmful to you?

Question

I'm trying to figure this out for myself and am wondering how others feel about this. A few recent answers about rape and adoption have affected me very deeply (not in a good way) and I've been struggling with this question.

I'm really interested in how those from all sides of the traid view this.

Answer 1

I am sorry that comments others have said have been harmful.  For me, I do like coming to this site, althought maybe I come too often!!  (likely won't once my three children come!)

I think sometimes there are two people who say inflammatory things about PAP and AP that it can be hurtful, but then I see someone say soemthing inflammatory about adoptees and I get annoyed with them too.  What I do find harmful is when you truly want to ask a question that you really don't know the answer to but don't ask because of getting yelled at by people who think you are just being a jerk, when all yolu wanted was to better your horizon.

Answer 2

I missed the rape question but i saw the adoption question.

I am so sorry to say i don't think this site is safe for adoptees.  Especially adoptees in pain.  I am so sad to even say this....

Sure i can get ripped on being an A-parent but its nothing in comparison to what has been said to Adoptees here.

I'm so upset, it breaks my heart that someone can take the time to open their heart and lay it on the line to have some @$$ trample on and dismiss their feelings.  Oh and while their down they kick them again with an insult like they should be grateful.

It makes me sick

ETA:  oops i guess i should answer the question. he he  For me it is beneficial, for adoptees imho, it is harmful.

Answer 3

In the past couple of weeks, i've exchanged emails with some people surrounding international adoption and I've learned a lot. That has been extremely beneficial to me.

Was it my reply about a woman being raped and told to just get over it? that upset you? IF it was I am sorry. I was using it as an anaolgy to loss and trauma that is serious, shouldn't be so commonly dismissed.

Lately, I've learned some here as well as helped searchers :)

I am very concerned though about Problem child and I'm very upset that someone could write something so powerful, and so painful and have another person take the opportunity to publically and intentionally dismiss her pain and the pain other adoptees express.

I believe this was intentional after an exchange of emails she wrote to me. Shes not a regular poster, but told me how shes never liked me, shes dressed in a cop outfit, and told me to go back to my "click" ( bad speller too.)

Total pot stirrer.

Why anyone would come in here and take that one opportunity and moment to do something like that....bothers me A LOT. She needs to back off away from Problem Child.

Birthdays are THE absolutely worst day of the YEAR for me, hands down, no doubt about it. I'm going to have a hard time being respectful to that poster again.

So today in general, was not beneficial at all. Today was negetive. But overall in the last couple of weeks i've found it to be positive overall from the information I've learned and exhchanged via others I met on here who've adopted.

Answer 4

Usually I find it pretty beneficial.  Today the mean-spirited, hurtful question that was posted caused a lot of problems.  It's unfortunate, because I enjoy learning how different people feel, how the adoption process occurs for different people and being able to share about equal rights for adopted persons.

I saw that the nasty question was triggering for some folks, and this is terrible.  It's not what this is supposed to be.  I'm very sad and disturbed that this question appeared.

Answer 5

Today?  Harmful.  I couldn't imagine asking a group of people, "hey, has anyone else here experienced something similar to this horrible pain I'm having?" and being attacked for the remainder of the day.  My heart aches for Problem Child, and ALL the adoptees who have been triggered by this.  I've been triggered, too.  If I had a nickle for every time someone told me to get over it, move on, etc...I'd be a rich woman, but I'd be in the poor house compared to the adoptees here.

Most days, though, this is a great place to learn and grow as a PAP, and to share experiences with other PAP's, AP's, and adoptees.

Answer 6

Mostly helpful but I do not like all the bickering among members.

Answer 7

For the most part- beneficial.

Answer 8

I have been on the internet forever in a lot of different ways...  When it starts to effect your daily life and how you feel in a negative way--then it is not good for you.

It could be time to step back and call some real life friends... and remember that people are people and will say things here they don't in real life... If it is hurting take a break.... it will still be here when you come back....sadly these same hot topics just will never go away.

I have done this often and everyone should balance real life and what happens with words on a computer... A good shake off can just help make your feelings more clear and let the raw nerves heal a little....

Answer 9

I've learned some important things here, no thanks to the attitudes and hatefulness of those who bashed me.

BUT at the same time, I have enough self-esteem problems that I'm working through, enough "issues" that I certainly didn't need my inner motives and desires questioned to the core, and didn't need to doubt myself or my "being a good person" anymore than I allready do.... it certainly hasn't helped my mental stability, which is shaky enough. Thanks people.... the self doubt gives me something to talk to my ED therapist about!!

(FYI that instability is why I'm not pursuing adoption right now, I have to work through alot of issues before I'd be a good parent, but It's just my personality to try to "learn more" or "research" into things I plan on doing, even if it's in the distant future..hence why I'm here..)