Is this socially acceptable?

Question

Taken away by unwarranted constraint

Holding glass within her hands

tightly clasped, from high demands

‘Don’t let go, or you may find

just like her, you’ve lost your mind’

I wish to God that I could see

the way to ease her pain to glee

but as she walks she shuns my heart

and this shunned gift is torn apart

But still I wait to give her joy

if she’d see the hate of boys

and welcome me into her arms

Long name for a relatively short poem… but what do you think?

Answer 1

It is socially acceptable.

It needs expanded with more detail

Forget about rhyming and your poetry will open up.

I'd rate it pretty low, but keep writing, that's how you get good.

Answer 2

Yes, this is completely acceptable as it is a natural and honest expression of love and longing, as well as the soul draining feeling of hate. Wanting with all your heart to "ease her pain to glee" is honorable and selfless.  It speaks of giving of yourself to another.  How can that be anything but acceptable, even exemplary.  You have also given of yourself to your readers in this honest poem.  I, for one, appreciate that very much.  Thank you.

Answer 3

But still I want to give her joy

If she'd see the hate of boys

And welcome me into her arms.

Right there I think of a woman wanting another woman. And with you asking if it is socially acceptable, it seems to be all tied together.

Frankly, I don't care. And neither will anyone else in society outside of the people that read your question and to whoever you will give the poem to.

So, yeah. If it is between two people and the details are more clear, it is ok. If not known between the two people, add more details because it is a poem with very little details.

Answer 4

I think that is a beautiful poem.  You definately have talent.  I'd like to read more of your work...

Answer 5

Don't worry about social acceptability, you're on Yahoo!Answers.

Answer 6

Yes i agree to long a title

My opinion is  that the Last line isn't needed this would make the rhyme sequence better, as well as ending on a strong emotional point. Also L6 sounds to cliches.

There is not enough information to decide on whether socially acceptable or not, as you could be a girl just looking out for your friend

Answer 7

I like it but I miss the old Siren... the one that had more freedom bound up in her poetry... This is good, just not the same...