Is this something good??? poem critics..?

Question

well..my teacher asked us to do a poem for our brother it's okay if there's no such rhymes as long as we can express ourselves..and this is mine..be honest..but please bear with me i'm only a 13-year old girl..

Younger Brother's Life

A younger brother's life

so pleasing, so kind

can really be so annoying

yet has the spirit of loving..

such a naughty boy!

but the one that brings joy.

one of the most important person in my life

I care for him and i will always will

I can be so irresponsible

and taking care of him feels like a burden..

but if he only knew how much i care

all will be alright and fair..

---that's it!!!

so what can you say about it???

my teacher loved it..and so as my classmates..

Answer 1

its very very good, i have to say. the more poems i read on here the better they keep getting. your rhyme scheme is apparent but weak. but its still pretty good. it doesn't lack any details. oh, i just noticed something about another poem, i would love too see that. i will definitely comment on that one. great job. and its definitely no surprise your class liked it. good luck on future poems.

Answer 2

Coming from a 57 year old poet, it's sweet and familial.But it's kind of simple and you don't use much in the way of metaphor, simile or other poetic devices such as allitteration. Keep writing though, most poets started as teens!

Answer 3

For a 13 yo girl, its nice. U have expressed Ur feelings explicitly in a innocent tone, especially the "so annoying" part. I mean U made me live the situation and bring events of my own. and that is good, to have impact on the reader.

Now, in future poems, make sure not to contradict Ur thoughts, or give the reader a sense that a contradictions is there. If U look closely, U 'l find that the second stanza barely goes w/ the 3rd.In addition try to keep lines short, son not to loose the rhythm.The second stanza for ex: could use shorter lines. Keep on writing, and good luck !

Answer 4

My dear young lady,

It pleased me to read your poem of the love and affection which you have for your brother, also that like all brothers they can be annoying at times.

In this effort it is the sentimentality that is important and not so much the poems layout. This is something that you will learn as you progress in your poetry writing.

Look at some poems of this nature and see just how they are set out. There may be some styles which you may be inclined to try. Of course it it your own style which make you the individual.

Keep up your writing young lady.

Robert

Answer 5

That's a nice effort. specially for your age. You've expressed your emotions quite clearly. And you've also divided into quatrains, which sounds good. Just use a bit more poetic devices and you'll be fine.

Good luck,

P.S And I'm no critique, I'm only 3 years older than you.