Is this tacky? wedding question

Question

I have a great aunt who is quite elderly but would really like to come to my wedding (a week from today). She lives about and hour out of town and would need someone to take her. It would be a great hassle for anyone in our family to have to go pick her up on the wedding day, so my mom wondered about asking her cousin, who was not invited, but lives in that town, to bring my great aunt to the wedding and take her home.

Would it be incredibly tacky to ask someone to do this? To ask them to bring someone to a wedding they weren't invited to? We aren't sure how else my great aunt could come and this seems like the most reliable and efficient way.

Answer 1

wow, take it easy on her everyone!  

I have a similar issue, but it's my mom who is very ill.  I don't know if she'll make it to the wedding, and certainly is too ill to make it to the wedding and reception.  My wedding is also about an hour away.  I know everyone that I talk to says 'if there is anything I can do' but I want all the people I invited to the wedding to enjoy it and be there the whole time, not have to drive my mom back and forth and miss the reception.  I think if you explain to your cousin your situation, she may be happy to help.  she obviously wasn't invited for a reason, either you aren't that close or your wedding isn't very big.  If she has an issue with that, that's another story.  I would offer to pay for her gas and maybe give her a gift.  would you be including them in the reception as well?    

Answer 2

It really would be tacky. Put yourself in the cousin's place: "why wasn't I invited, anyway??" If your reasoning is that there just wasn't room for him/her, and of course you couldn't expect the cousin to sit in the car for a few hours till the whole thing is over, then your reason for not inviting becomes completely bogus. If your reason was less subtle, such as bad blood between you, then you wouldn't really have a good reason for that person to be there anyway.

It would be easier but more expensive to hire a driver who is unrelated who can wait for your aunt and take her back after the wedding and reception is over.

The best answer is for someone from your family or group of friends to suck it up and go get her.

Answer 3

Yes that is tacky.  

Answer 4

not really tacky but really rude...thats like kind of rubbing it into there face that they are not invited.

Answer 5

I understand what you are trying to do but I would try to avoid that it possible.  

Maybe you can arrange another way to get here there... maybe a cab (thought that would be pretty expensive).  Or you could make it a little "vacation" for her.  Have someone pick her up the day before the wedding, and let her stay with you or your family or even a cheap hotel.  She can stay the night and someone can take her home the next day.  that might make her feel special, ensure that you have her there on your special day, and also not insult anyone.

Good luck

Answer 6

Yes it would be very very rude. spend some $ and hire a car. Look up limo services. It will be well worth whatever sacrifice you have to make

Answer 7

i say ask, it is your great aunts cousin not yours . If she wants to do it she will if she does not she won't that simple. If you or your folks have extra dough send her a pre-paid gas card.  We are adults we understand that weddings have guest limits and everyone in the world can not be invited to a wedding and their are last minute invites.  

Answer 8

that is very rude.. why can't someone pick her up maybe the night before and have her stay with family  

Answer 9

Well, from an outsiders point of view I think to myself... if you didn't find me good enough to invite to your wedding but now you need me to do something for you so it's ok if I come why should I help you out? I'm not trying to be mean but if I were the cousin that's what I would think. I believe that it would be inappropriate to ask someone to do that. Why can't you just have a family member pick her up the day before and she can spend the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding at a family members house and then the morning (or night) after the wedding someone can take her home. But I REALLY advise against against asking someone you didn't invite to the wedding to do it.

Answer 10

yes it is love .........ur best bet is to go get  u aunt 2-3 day befor your wedding and have her stay in town with family if every one sees going to get this aunt as a big prob why invite her and if u truly love her and want her to be part of ur big day just go n get her your self.

Answer 11

The escort couldn't come to the wedding? If she can't come to the wedding it's not acceptable to ask this big favor of her. What is the escort supposed to do while this is all going on?  

Answer 12

not really, that's okay  

Answer 13

Yeah, that is pretty tacky. Try to get your cousin a seat at the wedding if you want her to bring your Aunt. Maybe someone could go pick her up a couple of days before or the day before the wedding. It is not fair for your cousin to make the trip if she isn't even invited to the wedding.

Answer 14

It's not tacky, it's offensive. I can just imagine that converation:

"Hi Joe, look, I know you're not invited to the wedding, but Aunt Mary needs a ride, so come out, and then sit in the car while we all party down, okay? Thanks, you're a peach."

Answer 15

Yes I think that is tacky.  You could just call your cousin and ask if they received the invite to the wedding.  When she says no just blame it on someone else who was responsible for getting her address or something.  Then tell her you would love her to be there at the wedding and at a later time call her and ask if she can bring the great aunt.  That would be my idea otherwise call a cab or ask someone to drive up there to get her that is invited.

Answer 16

So how would you feel if you were phoned up and asked to attend a wedding with an elderly relation because you are only worth inviting if you can be a car service?  At least I hope you'd ask the cousin to actually attend, because asking her to be a driver and then do something else while she waits around for the aunt to be done with the party is really rude.

Don't cause more problems.  If your aunt's location is a hassle, then phone a car service in her town that can drive her to and from.  A car service is paid for and therefore much more "reliable" than a miffed cousin, and just as efficient.  It won't be cheap, but what is your reputation worth to you?

Answer 17

are you kidding?  it should be obvious to you how tacky that is.  are you going to ask this cousin to sit outside the reception the whole time alone?  you're not going to feed him/her dinner?  you either have to invite the cousin and add them to your seating chart and headcount, or send a limo to pick up your great aunt.

Answer 18

If this is your best bet then it would be a good idea.  just be prepared for your cousin to not be happy about the last minute invite!  

Answer 19

Frankly...yes.  It is rather "tacky".  First of all, is there a reason why the cousin wasn't invited in the first place?  If it was an over-sight simply be honest with the cousin and explain your situation.  The cousin may be understanding and happy to help.  

If there is a really good reason the cousin wasn't invited then you may want to rethink your idea of having the cousin bring your great aunt.  

Also, she doesn't live that far away so maybe someone could pick her up one or two days early and let her stay with them through the wedding; driving her home afterwards.

Basically, if it is important to you and your family to have your great aunt at the wedding, then someone will need to NOT see it as a hassle to pick her up.  

Hope you find a solution.  Good luck!

Answer 20

i think it would be fine - your mother's cousin is family and I'm sure would understand that you cannot invite EVERYONE to your wedding.  Let your mother handle it.

Answer 21

Yes, that's very tacky.  Your cousin is not a chauffeur.  If you want to ask your cousin to bring her, you need to invite your cousin.  If not, find another solution.

Answer 22

Would you have extra room to be able to invite her to stay?  I think if you are going to ask somebody something like that, you should tell them they are free to stay and enjoy all the food and festivities.  Otherwise, I agree that it's really tacky.

Answer 23

tacky, no...rude and inconsiderate, yes.

Why don't you take two hours out of your shedual to get great-aunt and drop her off at someone's home who can put her up for 2-3 days...someone going to the wedding....she can stay with them and hop a ride on the big day...and see if a realtive is willing to bring her home...if the bride and groom can do so after the reception, and before their honeymoon, it would be a wonderful gesture and I guarentee would thrill the ol' gal.....good luck.

or better yet, bring her to your home....she can be part of the getting ready before the wedding, can ride with your parents to the church/venue.....she'll be thilled!

Answer 24

Yes, that would be very rude. If your cousin is not invited to the wedding, then they shouldn't be bringing someone. How would you feel if you were asked to drive a friend to a party that another friend was having, but you couldn't come inside? If you want the cousin to drive her, that person needs to be invited as well. Otherwise you need to hire a car service to do it or ask a friend or relative to do it for you.

Answer 25

Hire a taxi for her, or invite the cousin...

I feel like it would be a bit disrespectful to have someone come as an afterthought, only because you need them...

You could have a taxi/van from a transport service bring her and take her back afterwards, without hurting anyone's feelings...

Good Luck.

If there's no other way, then ask the cousin... I would just do something else to make it up to her...

Answer 26

I think you already know the answer to this question. Why don't you just invite the cousin and then ask her to pick up your great aunt. Don't make the cousin drive the aunt unless they are both invited.

Answer 27

You would have to invite that person to the wedding as well.

Answer 28

It's not tacky it's rude. Someone in your family should step up and go pick her up. I'm sure if you asked a friend of the family and offered to throw in some gas money they would help you out. Good Luck

Answer 29

That is tacky. If you do ask your cousin, invite them