Is this the norm now?

Question

Ok so I was invited to a 2 day bachelorette party-1 day is a $25.00 a person exercise class plus going out to a bar, plus being expected to bring food and liquor to the after party: Day 2 consists of $90+ baseball ticket (minimum $40-$50 parking) plus bar hopping before and after the game

In addition to all that-gifts for the bride? Do all bachelorette parties these days cost guests $300? I had told one of the hosts that it's ridiculous to expect that we bring gifts on top of spending all that money-that it should be a NO Gift party? Am I wrong? The Bride planned all of this-which is fine but is she being selfish

Answer 1

To answer your Q, Yes I think unfortunately this IS becoming the norm now.  It seems like weddings in the past few years have become months and months of pre-wedding events, all requiring a gift or lots of $$ to have to cough up. Multiple showers, Jack and Jill parties, engagements parties, rehearsal dinners, pre-wedding get togethers, bachelorette parties, then the wedding, post wedding after-parties, next day brunches. It is all a LOT when you aren't dripping in cash (not to mention time and perhaps you have a family or other obligations as well?).  It all adds up so quickly when you are in a wedding. I don't know that she is being selfish as much as not really being considerate to her girls. It kind of reminds me when you're a kid and it's you're birthday. You want a "friends party", then the "school party" and then finally the "family party."  Like you just don't want it to ever end. But eventually you have to grow up and see it's not all about you.

Answer 2

No that is ridiculous!!! I would never spend that. If you are then don't buy a gift. The bride is asking too much. The wedding I am in...we have to get our bridesmaid dresses the last week of August, the shower is in September, then two weeks later is the bachlorette party. There is no way I can afford all of that.

Answer 3

It is ridiculous and your husband should talk to her to tell her that it simply isn't in your budget. Is there anyway you could just attend part of it? That way it won't be as expensive and you won't be totally declining her invitation. Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds selfish to me. If she wants you to do all those things, she should pay for them herself, or at least take into consideration that not everyone can afford it. By planning these events, SHE is the 'hostess', and should supply the food and liquor- if she wants a bachelorette party SO badly.

Answer 5

Waaay too much. Plus, she'll still want a wedding gift. Save your money

Answer 6

thats rediculous... no you shouldnt have to spend that... try only doing 1 day..

Answer 7

Batchelorette parties are no gift parties.....and a two day party? Way to much if you ask me.....I would just decline the invite saying with the cost of the shower and the wedding, the batchelorette party is out of your price range/budget.....and a bride has absolutely NO business planning her own batchelorette party anyway...it's up to her maids & girl friends to do that...jeeze....

Answer 8

This is not the norm. One of my bridesmaids wants to organise my hens night (that's what we call them in Australia). She wants to do some outrageous things too, they might not cost each guest $300, but it'd probably work out close to that. I told her to tell me what she's got planned, since she isn't even the MOH so it isn't her job, and we're very different so I know it would be something that I wouldn't like.

It's crazy to expect people to fork out so much money, for a party, as well as gifts, as well as the bridal shower and THEN the wedding gift too, not to mention the engagement party gifts probably already given.

If I were in your shoes, I would just be honest with her. Tell her that you cannot afford it, but would happily send her a gift instead. If she starts asking questions, tell her outright that it is unreasonable of her to expect that everyone is able to (and willing to) part with $300 for something that is not particularly their idea of fun (if that's not your type of thing).

Please take a look at my question...

http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Answer 9

I think it's pretty tacky to invite someone to a party and then tell them they have to pay their own way. I can understand buying your own drinks, but if your going to have a party at a venue that charges admission (a baseball game or an exercise class) that admission should be paid for by the host.

That's like inviting someone to your birthday party and asking them to bring the cake.

Answer 10

Thats horrible! I dont know why brides need a big bash for their bach. party, and presents on top of that! I didnt have any bach. party at all. My bridesmaids had a small breakfast for me the day of the wedding, and I was very grateful for that, but I didnt ask them for it.

People are getting so greedy over their weddings. Spend more time on here, and you will see there are a lot more brides just like your sister in law.

Answer 11

Who the heck plans a 2 day bachelorette party!  Pick one of the bar hopping evenings you want to join and go, with a gift.  She isn't a bride, she's a Bridezilla!

Answer 12

This is sadly rude and very very selfish of the bridal party to organize something that is beyond expensive for no reason whatsoever.

Some people just don't realize that just because they want to "go all out" doesn't mean that everyone else deems it as important to waste so much money.

If you can't afford it then politely say that and don't go to the second day or meet them after the game.

All the best.

Answer 13

One always has the option to decline.  If one declines, one is not expected to send a gift.

This could be one of those cases where you "have a previous commitment."  No need to tell anyone exactly what your plans may be.

Edit:  Even if she is family, one still has the right to decline.  If the bachelorette party is not in your budget, then get your hubby to tell his sister.  If she is family she should be understanding when hubby tells her, "Look, sis.  We just cannot afford all this."

I look at it like his family, his problem.  If he wants you to go, he comes up with the money.  If it is simply not in the budget, then he tells sis that.

And yes, I can see where if all the others are bringing gifts . . . you would naturally want to participate too.  Don't want to be the only one there without a present.

And as always, it is still an etiquette no-no for bride to plan/host her own bridal shower and/or bachelorette party.  But what is done, is done.  One either accepts the invitation, or one declines.  Those are the only options.

Answer 14

Wow... thats a lot of spending.