Is this the way its suppose to be..plz help?

Question

Okay soo my in laws are over and staying with us for a while from India.. today in the morning i fell a sleep because i was tired.. my husband called buh i was sleeping so we couldnt talk.. then when i woke up i called him back and he was like why were you sleeping./. i said because i got tired.. and he was like why are you tired you should help my mom with the cooking and stuff... i was like wtf.. hes been doing that for a while now.. if me sitting and his moms doing something he will tell me go help my mom.. is this right?? i dunno like i always wash the dishes after eating.. i cook at times myself.. i help her with the cutting and stuff, i have two dogs which i feed and take out.,. i also go to college soo yah me busy at times too.. i hate that he doesnt understand that.. is it right for him to say that to me.. like i was planning on talking to him about it tonight.. should i or just leave it..plz help

Answer 1

My mother in law was here for almost two months this summer.  I work from home and practically kill myself trying to take care of 5 clients needs.  She would not make her own coffee, breakfast, snack, wash a dish and if she wanted to change the channel on the television she would call me to do it....the remote was in front of her.  This week his daughter is here, she has not done one thing.....except for make a mess...she will make her own snacks...and there are a lot of them so i come out to a sink full of dishes and sticky counters, food on the floor etc.  (she is 17)  I just take care of it all....just because I love my husband.  I have told him though that next year if everyone is going to be staying in our home, he has to be here at least half of the time to help.....Good luck.

Answer 2

Try talking to him first. He should be helping u wit that stuff too. U seem really busy. He's lucky to have u.  

Answer 3

You should talk to him about it if it sincerely bothers you that much.  Maybe I can shed some light on the situation, though.

I think the reason he's being so anal about you helping his Mom is because they live so far away.  In India, I'm sure it's probably custom for you to be up helping your guests do everything that needs doing, and catering to them - especially if they are your elders.  Your husband probably wants you to make a good impression on his mother, and feels that if you're up helping her out and doing more with and for her, that you will make a good impression and she will be impressed with you.

If you sit your husband down and explain that you're trying your best, I'm sure he'll understand.  Tell him that you're trying to be the best hostess you can be, but you don't feel that includes running around like a chicken with your head cut off doing everything his mother is doing.  They're there for an extended period of time as guests - it's not like they're over for a couple hours so you SHOULD be running around for them.  Just tell him that you feel uncomfortable when he's constantly asking you to be doing things for/with his mother, and then ask him WHY he's constantly nagging you about it.  Maybe the answer will surprise you.

Good luck!

Answer 4

i had the same problem with my ex.  whenever we were over at his parents place or vice versa he would always wanted me to help his mom with the cooking and cleaning.  just think of it this way you gain a new mom and just be nice and help out.  it is not going to kill you for being nice to your mil for a little while.  she will be gone and then you will have the house to yourself.  it important that his mom likes you and that you are treating her son with love and respect.

once in a while will not hurt.  you will only gain the respect of your mil and it will make a better relationship.

good luck  

Answer 5

Unfortunately, when you marry someone, you get the whole family.  Do you want to be right, or had you rather have peace?

Answer 6

Try letting it go until they leave but if it gets worse talk to him about it. He probably just doesnt want his mom thinking you're lazy. Not that you are, guys always want their mom to be happy with who they pick to marry.

Answer 7

He wants you to spend time with his mother while she is here. I think  you should spend some time with her. She will not be here for long. Would you want him to spend time with your dad if he was visiting? I understand what you're saying and what he is saying.

Answer 8

I don't think it has anything to do with what you normally do, I would be up just to be a good hostess.  I know when I go on vacation and stay at my parents house I don't do any chores though.  

Answer 9

Tell him you are in america!  Where the women rule and the men just play golf!  Tell him to do his bit and you will do as you please!  

Tell him if he does not "chill out" you will not put out !  

Tell him.  

Answer 10

Well it is slightly rude to have your guests cooking while you sleep.  They ARE your guests not the other way around regardless of whether they're in-laws.  Just suck it up.  They aren't here forever.  Be a good hostess & avoid the confrontation.

Answer 11

He probably could have worded things in a more loving way & had a better attitude when speaking to you BUT he's got a point.  With his parents in town, you have the unspoken role as hostess when he's not around to visit with them.  They are your family afterall too now!  That means entertaining them, making sure they are comfortable & have what they need, especially when it comes to food.  If I had my in-laws over from a foreign country, I wouldn't dream of allowing them to cook while they were here unless they just absolutely wanted to.  To me, that would be rude because they are guests in my house.  

when you talk to him, tell him you're sorry for not being a good hostess to his parents & that you'll try harder but you need to stress to him that often the message will be heard if the messenger speaks with kindness & love.  Often the message gets lost if the person speaking chooses to do so with an attitude.  If he wants to be heard, he needs to learn that simple lesson.

Answer 12

Personally, if my fiancee's parents were visiting I would be assisting her or at the very least spending time with her while she was cooking. You have to take into account his family's upbringing.  Even if you are going to school and busy yourself, in his family-it might be looked bad upon for you to be "napping".   He may be more protecting you then "nagging" or whatever you want to call. He loves you and wants you to make a good impression on his family and for his family to fall in love with you too.  It is also considered rude to let YOUR guests do the cooking.  I understand that moms want to cook, especially for their sons, but you could at least offer to help and maybe even learn a new dish from her.  

He is not only being a good host, but a good son and wonderful man by getting up and helping his mom whenever he can.  That just shows respect in my book.   I would personally follow his lead.  

Answer 13

You def. should talk to him ., He sound expect you to help his mother with things! It is your house remember and they are guest so they should be cleaning and cooking if they want to ... It sound like it might be some kind of part of the coulter for you to help his mother . what would you do if it was your parents thats where your arguement should be would he do the same for your parents that he is requesting from you?