Is this the way the average marriage is?

Question

We have been married 13 years. We have 3 younger children. He works full time, I work part time. I take care of the majority of household chores (laundry, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, yard work, cleaning up after family dogs and cats, washing dogs, walking dogs, household repairs....most of everything). My husband averages 1 hour per day playing playstation hockey and another 1 hour per day working out. He will brush the kids teeth if I ask him in the evening. For the most part I do it all and he will agree with this. He doesn't like me to mow the yard but 3 weeks of growth in the summer and I can't stand it any longer...and the HOA has a fit. He has done the laundry, all of it, one time in the past 9 months with the encouragement of our marriage counselor and has not done it since that time. Thanks in part to his spending habits we have now filed bankruptcy as well. My question? Is this the typical marriage? I am considering a separation again (he just moved back in about 3 months ago). I just don't know if this is typical or if there is more out there. Is this how men typically behave? Cranky to the kids, rarely play with the kids, won't cook-order out only, plays hockey games, will not clean house-period...I am just heartbroken because I wanted things to work out but I can't keep being a 100% partner when he puts in the bare minimum. He works a very easy job according to him so job stress is not in the picture. He thinks I am no fun because I won't smoke pot and do X with him...but that is not the mom I want to be. I don't drink or do drugs. He has no complaints in the s*x dept. as I am a very sexual person and we both are very happy in that area.

Answer 1

Its time to move on.  He is doing exactly what he wants to do.  NOTHING  you can thank the pot for that.  I have a lot of married friends including my marriage and this is not typical.  

Answer 2

i dont think most marriages are that way.. im sure women end up doing most of the household chores but not the way u described.. ex..in my house my husband handles all the "manly" chores..ei:garbage, all repairs all outdoor work.ocasional load of laundry.he will cook 4 the kids if im not around, will give them their baths and brush teeth nightly.. is patient and will play with them...maybe ur hsband  dsnt know how to help u??

ps. i commend u 4 not doing drugs.just think if u were high and ur kid had an accident or something, as a mom.. ur always "on"

Answer 3

I remember you.  The issue here is not house work...no one wants to do it...it is the drugs.  Leave.

Answer 4

Eeeew.  Are you really asking this?  You are already living the life of a single parent, only you've got 4 kids, not 3.  DIVORCE!!!  Don't wait. Don't feel bad.  He's already moved out once, you've already been to couselling?  What is it you're trying to save?  Get a lawyer, move on.  You will find someone amazing who will also be great in bed I'm sure.  You CAN be happy!

Answer 5

if you both dont seek and follow counseling its not going to work.

Answer 6

Is filing bankruptcy normal?  No.  The other stuff?  No.  I would say I truly have a great husband who does more with the kids than most men do.  But I do not believe men are typically that self absorbed.  Now my husband does not cook either - at least nothing I would eat but we have a balance that we are both happy with.  I would never ever tolerate drugs, EVER.  Not to mention, if he did, he would s***w his career and s***w over our family as well.  This all sounds like a pretty big mess.

Answer 7

I have only been married for 5 years so I don't know how much help I will be. My husband has his jobs in the house, he takes out the trash and does the lawn. If I work late he makes dinner...at least he attempts to.

You sound like you are in 2 different places in your life though. I am sure you have tried to talk to him about this already.

Just for the record..men are supposed to help in their house and certainly with their kids.