Is this too rude?

Question

My wedding was supposed to in septemeber of 2009 but then i reliezed that my brother would already be shipped out for basic training by then so i needed to move it to the end of June or Beginning of july. However you obviously cant do it the weekend of the 4th of july. My dilemma is that my fiances half sister (we arent close to her at all) is getting married july 11th...would it be rude to move my wedding to June 27th, which is 2 weeks before hers. IDK if this matters but she has been with her fiance for like 6 months and i have been with mine for over 3 years.

So is it rude to have mine before hers?

Answer 1

Honor thy soldier!!

Go w/ what needs to be done

for yours and his schedule, if she

doesn't understand, OH Well!

Answer 2

Unless they live in a different country and need a week to get to the wedding destination (or you have a destination wedding), it's not rude. You don't plan to have it on the same day, and she will only have to spend half a day at your wedding.

If your fiance's family is really involved in planning both weddings, then it might be a bit unfair to them since you will overwork them. If they are just guests, it doesn't matter. You have a valid excuse to move your wedding.

Answer 3

I don't think so. You really don't have much of a choice so she should be ok with it as long as you talk to her about it first.

Answer 4

Why can't you get married on July 4th weekend?  I know many couples who purposely pick that date for their wedding because their guests have time off work!    

As for your fiance's half sister, I don't think she should be upset if you schedule your wedding for 2 weeks before hers.  After all, late June-early July is a very popular time for weddings, and she doesn't have a monopoly on the entire summer- just that one day for her own wedding.  As you said, you're not that close to her, so her guest list probably won't include many of the same people on your list.  I don't see a problem with it at all, but you'd better hurry- June books up fast for weddings!

Answer 5

I think it's rude and I would be offended.

Since you can't really talk to her about it and explain and see how she feels, you should wait until after her wedding......7/25 or August.

Answer 6

A couple of things to consider:

--It's not just your 1/2 SiL's feelings-- moving in a wedding date this close to the original plan is going to limit your options, cost more money and impact other family members who may already have plans (inccluding your parents who may have a budget linked to your timeline). I would avoid this if at all possible.

--Have you spoken with your brother about this? When is BT completed? I'm sure they won't give time away during Basic, but would likely grant him leave afterward to attend your wedding. Why not push it out instead of back? A Winter wedding can be so beautiful....

--Getting married on a holiday: Unless you are prepared to have a service and invitation list that synchs up with your family's regular holiday plans, you are best to avoid a holiday wedding. As guests or family, we may paste a smile on our face and go along with this. My sister got married in grand style on Labor Day--The whole. freaking. long. weekend....did I mention *longgggg* weekend? Yes, I love my sister and changed my yearly plans accordingly. After about a day & 1/2 of full bore family and friend wedding activity I was ready to throw myself off a bridge--and I might have had to wait in line behind many other guests who were similarly overwhelmed. Okay--vent over ;)   Please don't do it. Holidays are for holidays--weddings are for weddings.

--If you really feel you have no choice but to move in the date, why not use the opportunity to set up a win-win with your SIL with an eye to the future? Make her your ally in the matter. Call her up, invite her to lunch, tell her about your brother. *Without* bringing up who was with who first and how you guys don't have the same guest list, etc...that just makes you look like you're setting her up for what you've already decided. Instead, let *her* present some creative suggestions--which may or may not include getting married on an earlier date than her wedding. You'll get a good feel for how she would feel about the issue and plus you will have made her an ally to help you rather than an obstacle to get around. Much better dynamic for future relations.

Hope any of this is helpful. Regardless of your decisions, best wishes for a wonderful wedding and married life together.

Answer 7

She probably think it is rude when she finds out but you need to change the date to accommodate your brother so you have a good reason to do what you are doing. Your wedding day is just as important as hers and you would love for your brother to be apart of it before he goes to basic training.

Answer 8

I would just explain your reasons in that case I do not think it is rude. I would just get moving on your new date, time is ticking!

Answer 9

No i say go for it why not my own family did it to me i supposed to get married on July 26, 2008 but then my Sister decided to get married on June 28, 2008 (shes been with her husband for 1yr and i have been with mine for over 6 yrs.  then if that wasn't bad enough my father announced that he is going to marry his girlfriend on August 2, 2008 (they have been to together for 3 yrs) so i decided to push my wedding up to July 18, 2009 so no one gets married around the same time.

They new about my wedding date 1 1/2 yrs. before they got engaged and they still decided to pick the same yr. (summer)

any ways i am over it so like i said go for it your not even close to her anyways. your brother is more important so do what you feel is best. (which i have a feeling is having your brother there on your big day.)



Congrats and Good Luck

Answer 10

Go ahead and plan your wedding for June 27th.  I don't think it is rude and you have a very valid reason for it.

And a year is a long time.  Who knows what will happen since she has not known him that long.,

But even if she goes through with hers I am sure you will both have beautiful weddings and your family and friends will support both of you.

Best of luck.  May you have a wonderful life together full of happiness and all the love your heart can hold.

Answer 11

Nope. Not at all.

I have family coming from overseas, and so I moved my wedding up two weeks and it's the week before my cousin's (with whom I'm really close). The problem with July 4th is that you should send out Save the Dates ASAP since it's a long weekend.

I don't think it really matters how long you've been with someone. To have it on the same day, or the same weekend would be, not rude, but inconsiderate, since it would make life hectic for both of you, moreso than needed. The weekend, or two weekends before is more than fine. We have a close group of 10-12 friends who hang out every weekend, and three of the pairs (6 of the friends) all got married in a three week period-one pair was moving to Japan, one to Toronto, and the other got married the same weekend as her parents did and her grandparents.

But no, I mean, if she has a problem with it, then explain it to her, but if it were me, then I would and could cope. Everyone has their reasons for choosing a date.

Answer 12

The length of time you've been together compared to the time they've been together is a moot point.  Actually, I quite find that comment rude, trying to show that you are better and should get the best date because it took your fiance longer to decide if he wants to marry...

Just talk to her about it.  She may come up with a really good suggestion-or maybe not, since she's only been with him for like 6 months.

Answer 13

Why before her? Are you entitled because you've been engaged longer/ THAT is stuff & nonsense...the length of both your engagements/courtships have nothing to do with anything......

Since you are changing your original weding date, and hers is already fixed, yes, it will look like you are trying to upstage her ........ even tho you do have a right to any day except hers......

Why can't you hold your wedding after your brother returns from basic training.....boot camp doesn't last for ever, ya know, and he'll be stateside before he's deployed........

...or move your wedding up earlier than that....say mid-spring (May to early June) and if it's questioned tell the SIL it's only because of bootcamp issues with your bro.....yes, it's still before hers but at least it's not nearly as close to hers........

two weeks before is a bit close and it could look like upstaging, as I said, even tho you do have a right to any day but hers......good luck.

Answer 14

Well if you are not at all close to the sister, then does it particularly matter if she would be upset?  I say move it to whatever weekend works for you and the family you are close to.  If you do choose to have it 4th of July weekend, you need to send "save the date" cards ASAP.  That is one of those weekends that people usually having standing plans for way in advance.

Answer 15

My wedding is  Friday July 3, 2009 great weekend... go for it.. July 4th was a bite expensive.....at midnight you can do the fireworks

Answer 16

SHE would probably think it's rude, which is why you sould speak to her about it first and let her know what the circumstances are.

Answer 17

yes it kind of is because you already know when her date is and to pick one so close would be rude and probably cause a family rift.  Try for another date.

Answer 18

The information you provided about the length of times does not matter at all.

Put yourself in her shoes.  If someone moved their wedding to 2 weeks before yours, how would you feel? It's also likely that if she sent out her invites already or her STDs, then all of her guests that would go to yours now won't because they're not going to spend on two weddings.  And if you do it before hers, you just took all of her guests.  Is that really fair to anyone?

There are 365 days in the year.  Pick another date

Answer 19

A wedding is alot of Pressure, but remember it is your day, I would suggest doing whatever it is that makes you HAPPY. Don't care about what anybody say. CONGRATS!!!

Answer 20

Its not the best idea but given your situation fi the rest of the family is ok with it and understanding then go for it!

and great date, thats my wedding date!

Answer 21

I think if you discussed the reasons with her that she would totally understand why you HAVE to move it.  It's not like you are purposely doing it.  Before you talk to her though, you should call venues and make sure the date is available somewhere.  June and July are really popular wedding months, so it could be booked already.

My fiance and I just booked our November 2009 wedding last night and the woman said that venue was already completely booked for next June and July.

Answer 22

I would say make it after. Beginning of July. Who cares if it's a July 4th wedding? I think everyone will understand the closeness, but putting it before hers it a little rude. She did have that block filled first.

Just because you'll have yours second and close to hers doesn't mean it'll be a less special day.

Good luck and congrats!!

Answer 23

Well, I don't think it's rude because of your reasoning behind it but you need to talk to her and let her know that, or she may take it the wrong way.

I can guarantee she will DEFINITELY think it's rude if you move it to the weekend before hers (July 4th).

Answer 24

Why not do it July 4th?  Fireworks every year on your wedding anniversary and folks from out of town will have an extra day off to travel.  And I think you're fine any time except the actual day/weekend of her wedding.