I do have a history of mental illness and so does my family. Lately, I have been extremely perfectionistic. Like, for example, if I fall on waterskis I will start crying and become very depressed. Everything I write has to be spelled completely perfect and everything I own and buy has to be perfect in every way. I make lists all the time and I have a bit of a hard time throwing things away in fear that they may be important, even if it's just a cheap little stuffed animal from way back when. I have also felt inadequate with my looks, and have self injured and punched my stomach. I have huge crying spells where I even hyperventilate sometimes when I don't do everything perfectly and half the time I just want to avoid everything. I also sometimes try to figure out which friends are the best because I have to have them be perfect. I feel bad for that too. I also felt like i had to get rid of two of my dogs because they were too scruffy and didn't match my other dogs. I also have extremely low self-esteem where I cry and feel insanely depressed. I would run around the house screaming and sobbing or lay on the bed yelping because my nose is too fat or my face is hideous and no one could possibly love me. It's like, I already have bipolar, and anxiety, what more do I need? Just feeling like everything has to be perfect and the best is killing me and it makes me feel awful
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