Is this unethical? am i too attached to my friend?

Question

i have lived a compromised lifestyle during my first couple years of college. i work very hard and have little time to socialize. toward the end of spring semester last year, i befriended a boy who had transferred to my university. for the first time in a while, i was genuinely motivated to fit another person into my busy schedule. i only had a few wks with him before the semester was over, but during that time i tried to see him almost every day. our relationship was platonic. i dont think either of us wanted it any other way. this summer, i had more time and started seeing another boy who became my boyfriend. even though i technically had 3 months with my boyfriend and 3 wks with the other boy, i see the platonic friend as having come first, and as being more important. i act concerned going into this school year, passing it off as a concern that less time will take a tole on my relationship with my boyfriend. in reality, im more concerned that the new school year in combination with the new boyfriend with threaten my perfect friendship. my boyfriend is so very unavailable and i see myself wanting to spend my allotted ppl-time with the friend, and not him. however, because i am someone who tends to stick very closely to principal, i will probably end up compromising the friendship such that i might get in some time with my boyfriend. this makes me feel disappointed. i start thinking to myself that i wish things were flipped and the other boy were my boyfriend. of course, i dont actually have the proper attraction to him and would feel perverted to pursue the same type of relationship with him. i am just so worried that these are the silly solutions my mind comes up with. the point is, i have these thoughts in my mind that my boyfriend is not my priority, even though i expect i will outwardly make him such. i actually do like him a lot and would like things to work out between us. i feel very attached to being with him and dont want to ruin things. is it all right to secretly feel frustration and disappointment at this situation? can i suffer more for the lost time with the friend as opposed to the lost time with the boyfriend? as long as i take the actions which show my loyalty to my boyfriend over my platonic friend, does it matter what is in my head?

Answer 1

I think your feelings are refreshing and natural.  Why do we feel that the person we feel romantic attraction to 'has' to be the most important in our lives?  I'm guessing this is a cultural idea that is pretty specific to countries where love is strongly emphasized.  I don't see any reason why we can't feel a strong connection to someone who we don't want to sleep with.  If that connection is stronger than a connection with a romantic lover I don't see any problem with it.

Of course, your boyfriend will probably have a problem with it, but that's because he's competing for your affection.  On a more objective level there's nothing wrong with it at all.

Answer 2

please dont write in block. use paragraphs. to answer your question, you sound like u love ur friend

Answer 3

Well, it looks like, you want to spenmd time with your boyfriend but don't want to abondon your friend, so maybe you should spend time with both of them at the same time, and a little time with the freind on his own and little time with your boyfriend then every body wins, and as your going through college why don't you invite them both over to study, that way your spending time with your friend and your boyfriend whilst doing your studies. and maybe at the weekend, spend the satday with your friend and the sunday with your boyfriend, then they both get equal time and you don't have anything to feel guilty about because your not abandoning any of them.

Answer 4

yes it matters what's in your head what's in your head usually comes from the heart if you feel that way about your friend and you'll become closer and you'll end up together and sadden to say break-up you wouldn't want to lose a friend as well so it's a hard choice to make I was place in a situation like this and I didn't know what I was going to do so at the end I just kept my friend. There are times that you may just have to keep distance from your friend if it seems that you can't keep your focus your main focus honeslty should be school.

Answer 5

Wait a minute I'll put on the Agony Aunt hat.

As much as you want it to, the head will never come before the heart.

This is as it should be.

It's nice that you have a friend that is a boy, but a boyfriend will always come first.  You know this.

Your friend will never be any more than just a friend, your boyfriend can become much more.