Is this worth a C? i AM 14?

Question

My english teacher gave me a c for this. I am 14 and ive never done something like this before.

THE LAST THREE...

The grey rain plummeted heavily to the ground, the polluted air hazed above the horizon making the sky a thick, black fog. The only noise around was the rain hitting the grey roof tiles and a tiny group of people gathered around a small fire murmuring to each other.

Snow, Maria and Darcy huddled next to one another trying to keep warm, fingers trembling over the small flicker of the fire. The fire set a welcoming glow to Snow’s pale face, which reminded Maria strongly of home.

Piles of rubble surrounded of what used to be the town square. Nothing had been the same after world war 6 but still life has to go on even if there only appeared to be three survivors left in the world.

Maria had her eyes fixed on what also used to be her home. A puddle of bricks and shattered bits of glass that was just left there as if it didn’t matter anymore to anyone. The only thing left standing was the chimney. A pathetic memorial of her home.

“How can one go on living if they don’t have anything to live for any more?” she said with a tear dripping down her cheek.

Darcy flickered a glance of anger with his eyes at Maria and said, “ Look, we have all lost everything but we have to move on. There is no point giving up, if we survived the war we can survive anything but I can’t do it alone”. Darcy and Maria never really got on even though they were brother and sister.

Maria looked disgustedly at her brother, with his mop of curly brown hair and his muddy, gloomy face. “I can look after Snow on my own, I don’t need you, all you ever do is make matters worse!” she roared out.

Darcy stayed quiet because he couldn’t be bothered having argument with the drama queen.

Maria pulled Snow closer towards her stroked her warm white face that was almost completely covered by her red and blue woolly scarf. Snow rested her head on Maria’s lap and try to make out the stars but she couldn’t see any through the thick smog

Snow was finally drifting asleep when suddenly; a terrifying noise filled the air with sheer horror. It was the light flyers coming back to bomb again making sure that there were no survivors. The three automatically picked up their things and ran for their lives; luckily it was hard for the pilot to see them in the rain.

Maria, Snow and Darcy took refuge in an old warehouse that used to trade shoes, which was the only thing left barely standing. The warehouse was a mess; there were receipts and soggy shoeboxes everywhere. Darcy picked up a receipt and said with great surprise.

“ Who wants to spend £230 on shoes!?”

Snow shyly said, “ I would!”

There were some stairs leading down to the cellar where the threesome decided to spend the night. Darcy found some old office chairs that were a torn and rather soggy but they decided that it was better than sleeping on a stone cold warehouse floor.

Maria couldn’t get to sleep because there was an awful storm outside and there was a tin can that was being blown by the wind making a constant scuttling noise. She looked at Snow who was curled up and peacefully asleep. So she decided to quietly explore the house and find some shoes because she didn’t have any. She crept up the creaky stairs trying not to make a noise so that others wouldn’t wake up and yell at her for wandering on her own when there was “Danger” about.

It was gloomy upstairs and Maria could barely only just see the rain dripping through the hole in the roof that echoed as it splattered on the floor.

Maria heard the floorboards creak ahead of her. Had Darcy or Snow followed her upstairs? The hairs on the back of her neck began to rise and she felt a tingle go down her spine. All that was going through her mind was who could it be or what could it be?

She gingerly tiptoed across the room and hid behind a rusty old filing cabinet. She could feel her heart beat pounding in her chest as the creaking grew louder and louder. Maria closed her eyes for a split second and said a short prayer. When she opened her eyes, she found to her horror that two dark eyes were looking straight back at her.

Maria froze, she felt sick with dark surprise. Her mouth gaped open and let out a tiny squeal as she felt her sweat dribble down her back.

The eyes seemed to get closer so that Maria could see a whole face. Blood was dribbling down its forehead. The lips were cracked and it had sores in the left corner. The mouth opened and said

“Hello? It’s okay I am not going to do anything” Maria could tell by the voice that it was a woman. Maria cautiously got out of her hiding spot so that she could ask if she knew any other survivors.

The lady said, “ You scared for a moment there poppet! She had a Australian accent that sounded very strange.

Maria read her top and said “THE RESCUE TEAM” Maria excitedly said “Are you from the rescue team” and she proudly replied “Why yes I am!” Maria didn’t quite understand that where rescue teams she thought the all the people were gone for good. “ How come Australia only survived?” Maria questioned. “We have been saving renewable energy for ages because of global warming so we managed to store enough power for electricity and heating for the whole of Australia!” The Lady looked around a bit and finally said, “ Well, it looks like you can’t stay here forever, come on I have got a RESCUE helicopter waiting outside for us”

Maria couldn’t believe that she could just jump on a helicopter and get away from all this madness.

The lady began to walk away but Maria shouted, “ WAIT, my friends are down stairs!” The lady turned around astonished “ There’s more of ya!”

Maria galloped down the stairs and slipped on a slippery step and cut her knee but she didn’t care. She was finally going home after 3 years of poverty and misery.

She shouted at the top of her voice “ Snow, Darcy wake up the rescuers are here, come on!”

Darcy let out a huge yawn and stretched. His hair was tangled and worse than it was before. Maria went over to Snow “ Come on Snow we can go home now it’s safe” she whispered. Snow immediately woke up and gleamed at the two of them, happy to finally to get away from this mess.

The three raced upstairs to the rescue lady who said “My goodness how an earth can three kids survive on their own! Come on the helicopter is outside”

They staggered onto the helicopter and it started to move. The trio had never been so happy in their entire lives.

The helicopter was off the ground and Maria looked down to see her old house, her old school that was nothing but mud. They all said a quiet goodbye to the little dots of rubble that would never be their home ever again. The three finally felt safe huddled next to one another excited to go to their new home.

Answer 1

whats was the topic about i cant grade something with out know the topic

Answer 2

I Would Give It A B-

Answer 3

It's not D material, if I was marking you would have gotten a low grade C.  

Edit: would you prefer it if people lied?  The descriptive passages over done in some places.  You don't put abbreviations like don't, can't, couldn't, you write out the word in full.  

Speak to you teacher and ask him for constructive criticism on how to improve the essay.  You have some good ideas but like Maria, it's a little too much.

If you want to be writer or learn to write essays well then you also need to learn to take criticism and put what you've learned into practice.

Answer 4

Maybe a B at most but you need to work on bits like this :

Darcy and Maria never really got on even though they were brother and sister.

it just sounds naff with that in it but its still really good better then i could write lol

Answer 5

I spotted a few mistakes - However, I am not paid to judge you!

I do not know what criterion your teacher should mark you on!  

You should really take it up with him/her.

Answer 6

welli dunno how to mark a piece of fiction. I guess if your teacher gave it a C then its worth a C. However a C is pretty average. But think of it like this. If your 14 its a C. You are supposed to go up a grade a year. Guessing your in year 9, well then you should be at A grade when you do your important exams

Answer 7

I would of gave it a C

world war 6? lol

There is too much to read especially at the start that is not relevant to the story. you don't have to detail everything. You lessened the bulk nearer the end which is probably you tired of writing but it improved and was not so cluttered.

Answer 8

Feck reading all that but if thats the grade you got then i assume thats the grade its worth