Is this wrong of me? ?

Question

Would I be wrong? Should I stay or go?

I still live at home w/ my mother. We just lost my father on Saturday to Stage 4 Cancer of Liver and Colon. I was home sitting w/ him when it happened. My birthday is September 15th and and told my mother it was okay to hold my father's memorial service that weekend 9/13(she asked first) so that we may accomodate family members out of town. When she & I realized we were like "oh no" but I told her it was okay and to leave it don't worry about it. I didn't want to seem like a selfish spoiled brat (I'm turning 24 by the way)

My mother said okay when I mentioned celebrating my birthday this weekend instead. My fiance (who by the way was sitting w/ me and my father when he passed & was first to notice first sign of trouble/ was by my side trying w/ aid of others to save him)...he wants to spend a whole weekend with me and has something planned but I don't know what. He wants me to get away from all that is happening b/c my father's side of the family is trippin HARD and being difficult & mean/heartless to my mother and the rest of us. I was not an only child have 3 sisters and 2 brothers...1 sister still at home and 2 brothers still home incl me. So they would be there for support.

We are not planning to go out of town far away it will more than likelly be in the area but is it wrong of me to take the weekend w/ my fiance?

Answer 1

no offense but you need to stop mooching off your mom and get a job and a house your about to get married and your still going to live with your mom..and also all your mom has done for you you need  to stay w/her and support her

Answer 2

NOT AT ALL!

it's your birthday and this is going to be an extremely difficult time for you and the rest of your family. take this weekend to relax and deal with all of this stuff when your weekend is over. you'll be a lit more relaxed and you'll have time over the weekend to think things through a bit more before talking to family you probably haven't seen in quite some time. i'm sorry for your loss... it's never any fun and it happens to the best of us. good luck dear!

Answer 3

Just go have fun with your fiance, I know I would.

Answer 4

Of course not, you just lose your father for goodness sakes you deserve something to take your mind of things

So sorry to hear about your loss

Take care

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear about your father.

Do you mean you will be going away the weekend of the memorial?  Or you will be going away this weekend??

EDIT:  If it's not the weekend of the memorial, then no I don't think you're being selfish at all!

Answer 6

there's nothing wrong with that...just try an make yourself available by cell phone or something while your away (it's probably a good idea for you to try and get your mind off your dad...)

lol this message thing says i have to much punctuation.

Answer 7

I am very sorry for your loss and it is understandable that you are having  difficult time making decisions.  

IMO, I would stay home and reschedule your birthday celebration until after the funeral.  I am inclined to think you agree because of the simple fact you are asking.  

I wish you the happiest birthday possible and good luck on your engagement.  Are you going to push back your wedding date?  

Your father's family may seem irritable right now but everyone grieves in different ways.  Your mother is his wife so all of her decisions are final no matter how much grief they try to give her.

Remember, it is good to stay strong, but allow yourself to mourn your loss as well.

Answer 8

Life goes on go live it to the fullest.  You dad wanted only happiness for his little princess..

Answer 9

It's one weekend and could be very instructional as to how people close to you react.  You will see a lot of emotions and acting-out that you would not normally see.  I would recommend it because it is your dad and it will definitely be  interesting and you will learn a lot about the people around you.  Plus you don't want to give ammo to people that wish you bad.

Answer 10

why don't you celabrat your birth day next month its not like waiting will change any thing  

Answer 11

My opinion would be no it would not be wrong for you to go away. My goodness, you just went through probobly the toughest thing in life. Loosing your father. You were their when in time of need. Your mother I'm sure would understand(talk to her about it). You need to take time away to help yourself through this time of mourning, it will also help your family when you return, for you will be stronger for them.

I lost my mother on June 14 2007 of Lung and Brain cancer.

I know what you have had to gone through...it's tough..but you will get through it. You need to take some time away to heel, even if only for a couple days. Im sorry you had to go through this. God bless you and your family.

Answer 12

I think it's something you should attend, esp. because he meant something to you and you don't want to regret it in the future.  It's the last time you'll ever get to see him, it's going to be very painful but you shouldn't miss it.

Answer 13

As long as you will attend the memorial, no. But, you do not miss it. That would be terribly wrong. Your fiance should definately understand and re-schedule to tell you the truth, I mean hello??? That should be a red flag if he didn't immediately say, don't worry sweetheart, we will celebrate your birthday after this settles, be with your family.....etc.

Answer 14

YUP

Answer 15

I don't necessarily call it "wrong," but if you go away you will always be wondering about it and possibly feeling guilty about it.

Sometimes siblings can do the guilt trip REALLY bad.

But, it's your decision.

Answer 16

i'm sorry to hear that about your father. But I think it will be a good idea for you and your fiance. It's a great time to get to know each other on a different level. and bond.  

Answer 17

no because it sounds like you guys knew it was coming right? Its not like a total shock and suprise and  there is really nothing you can do after. Im sorry for what happened, but he's gone, and im sure he would want you to be happy

Answer 18

sorry, baby you can't go.. i am so sorry to hear about your loss. Just do it up for your 25th. You should be with family.

Answer 19

well, i guess like a day would be fine(maybe you should take your mom?) but make sure you're the for the services at the cemetery.

Answer 20

its not selfish, but this thing w/ ur father is only gonna happen once then afterwards ur never gonna have to do it again, so i think u should probably stay even tho its ur bday. everyone will remember that u werent there. sorry ur in the position u are. & hope u have a happy bday

Answer 21

Do whatever you have to do to help you deal with the situation.

If you think it will make you feel better and less stressed, then do it. Try to explain this to your family. Remember, people deal with greif and hardships in differant ways. Some cry, some get angry, some blame, and some pull away for their own peace of mind. Hope that helped.

Answer 22

No, it's not wrong. You have to take care of yourself and I think the best way to honor the dead is to celebrate life. Happy Birthday and have fun!

Answer 23

When my father died, I just wanted to get away too, so I understand, but think about your mom. You said your fathers Family was being hard on her. Does she have anyone else to be with her through this tough time?

Ultimately, the decision is up to you, but don't do anything that you might look back on with regret in the future. Birthdays come every year... Your boyfriend should understand that. Go out and have fun, but make sure you are there for your mother. She will need you to help her through this tough time, whether she says it or not.  

Answer 24

no just be sensitive