Is trans-racial adoption positive?

Question

Yahoo News recently had an article saying that black children adopted into white families have a "higher rate of problems" than those adopted into same-race families.

Upon reading the report summary, the problems are defined as struggling with appearing different, and "racial pride". It makes sense that these will be additional challenges in a trans-racial adoption.

However I think the report glosses over the biggest benefits of trans-racial adoptions. Namely that the children are in a family that *wants* and loves them, and also usually has both parents living with the child.

Don't these kinds of benefits far outweigh the costs? Is anyone aware of studies showing the long-term benefits black children receive when they are adopted (trans-racially) vs. those raised in foster-care or in single-parent homes?

My wife and I have adopted trans-racially after hearing pleas from young black adults (who were raised in foster-care and never adopted) that they just wanted a family.

Answer 1

I've heard of some new research projects currently being carried out on this exact same topic - and it will be very interesting to hear of the results.

I believe you are looking at this issue through your rose-coloured adoptive parent eyes.

There are far more benefits to adoptive parents than adoptees in adoption, and in my experience with adoptive parents, too many are too quick to dismiss an adoptee's losses out of hand - too often because they just don't - can't - fathom what those losses really mean to the adoptee.

You get all the wins.

Adoptees get so many many losses.

To tell an adoptee that they should be grateful - because you believe that their life would be infinitely better - is wrong - in my eyes.

How can anyone ever predict that life will, in fact, be better??

Have you got a crystal ball???

I believe it's far more complex than that.

For adoption to happen - even non trans-racial - so much has to be lost - for an adoptee - for an adoption to happen.

Loss of mother, father, siblings, extended family, loss of genetic mirroring, loss of knowing those that share genetic traits and talents, loss of a greater sense of self.

To fully know who you are - you truly have to know where you came from - who you look like - etc, etc, etc.

For non adopted people - such losses are very very hard to truly understand.

For trans-racial adoptees - the losses are even greater.

Heritage, culture and often language are all lost as well.

And if a trans-racial adoptee is adopted into a fully white neighbourhood - the feeling of being an outcast can be quite extreme.

I'm white - adopted into a white family - in a white neighbourhood - and even I felt like I didn't truly fit in.

It's far more complex than just saying that the pros outweigh the cons in trans-racial adoption.

Many many TRA's have finally started speaking up - through blogs - telling of how they really feel.

Too many (non-adoptees) are too quick to say that they should be grateful for their circumstances - when those that say such things could never fully understand what losses that adoptee has had to face.

Sure TRA adoptions can work - but for the adoptee to be far better emotionally and psychologically cared for - the adoptive parents really need to understand what it means to be a TRA in a white-world.

I'm certainly glad that such articles have finally opened real dialogue about the issues.

I hope that it continues.

As for the single parent issue - it's a non issue.

It is better, emotionally and psychologically for a child to grow up with a bio relative - even if it's just one - for the reasons I've outlined above - as long as the child is loved and cared for.

Adoption does not mean that divorces still won't happen - or partners will not die.

My a-father died just before I was one.

I was essentially raised with a single mother - and she did a d**n fine job.

(apart from me being a bitter and twisted adoptee - said with tongue firmly pressed into my cheek - as my mother's parenting has nothing to do with my grievances with adoption - as an institution - as it currently stands)

The single parent argument means nothing.

For me - my parents married just 6 months after I was born - and they're still together. They were forced to give me up because of the times I was born in - and they were unmarried.

Sure - kids in foster care do need loving homes.

There are thousands of them in need.

No argument there.

But maybe this research is trying to make people aware that more training and knowledge is needed by those that wish to adopt trans-racially - as there are far more issues to be aware of - for the better emotional well-being of the child.

And isn't that what adoption is supposed to be about - doing the best thing for the child????

Why not be better prepared - with eyes wide open - with greater compassion - than to steam roll in - and just say - "Oh it will all be OK - because I say it's better than what you had - so that's how it will be!"

Isn't that just a little arrogant??

I'm not trying to be rude - really - but please take a walk in an adoptees shoes for a moment - and really think about what you are saying.

Here are links to adoptee blogs - many of whom are TRA adoptees - these are the people that live it -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

ETA: You should perhaps also read the comments to this resolved question - also on this is issue.

Some great points.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 2

If you got your arm cut off in a freak accident, would having a prosthetic mean you didn't lose the arm in the first place?  Would it make the memory of the pain go away?

There are two separate issues here:  the child lost his/her heritage, culture, family, genetic mirror, etc.  And, the child gained a new family, with a new heritage, culture, and no genetic mirror, or any kind of a replacement of it.

The loss is still a loss.  The gain does not negate the loss.  It doesn't even AFFECT the loss.  The loss is still there, still the same loss it always was, still just as painful, still the same exact thing.  The gain is completely separate, and cannot possibly make up for the loss.  That's not to say that there is no gain.  But the gain does not make the loss go away, and it doesn't/can't change the structure of the loss.

This gives adoptive parents an enormous amount of pressure to foster a positive sense of self in their children, without having all the tools that naturally come with being related to someone, having experienced what they WILL experience, knowing what it feels like, having the same cultural awareness.  It's a big job.  Not impossible...but really big.

Best of luck to you and your kids.

Answer 3

My husband and I adopted transracially (and trans-culturally through International adoption).  I don't think these reports say that transracial adoption is inherently bad, just that there are challenges and issues unique to transracial adoption that the adoptive parents may not be aware of or completely comprehend.  It is really up to the adoptive parents to help the adoptee foster a positive sense of ethnic pride, including finding healthy adult role models of the same race.  And being educated on how to care for ethnic skin/hair, which is SO important to self esteem! Not to mention helping adoptive parents address racial issues with their children, including how to respond when confronted with racism.

I feel that acknowleging these challenges and giving the adoptive parents tools, resources and training to deal with them is far preferable than pretending that they don't exist.  Parental love may be colorblind, but we don'tlive in a colorblind society.  

I was shocked and dismayed to read that those who adopt transracially through the foster care system are given NO training or education on these issues.  Whereas, the vast majority of the classes we took on preparing for international adoption was all about racial challenges, racism, promoting a healthy racial identity, preserving culture and so forth.

Answer 4

I am happy for him/her and for you.  To me loving a child or children is the most important thing.  I know several families that have adopted trans racially and they are very happy.  They have problems just like every other family but work on them as they come.  I think both can come out of the experience winners if they really try.  Congratulations and good luck.  Any adoption is positive.

Answer 5

I'm sort of an unusual adoptive parent, because I'm also adopted. We're in the process of adopting from Ethiopia, and during this process I was doing reunion with my birth family. One  person clearly nailed it right on the head, that adoptive parents win. That said, adoption is an exhausting process, especially when coupled with infertility. While we will come out with everything we've ever wanted, I don't want to belittle the process of adoption from our side. It's heart wrenching at times! It's heart wrenching most of the time.

However, in the end we will be very, very happy! And yes, our beautiful baby will have already lost so much, As an adoptee, I think going through reunion I've only now begun to really be able to articulate and feel the losses I struggled with as a child. My father's dead, and that's something I'll never be able to recover. My birth Mom is in a bad place, luckily I have a brother and sister I adore to pieces! It would be really easy for most people to think I should just be grateful I'm adopted so I didn't grow up around the problems they have, but I'm not. I love my mom to death, and wouldn't trade her for the world, but it doesn't make being apart from my troubled family and birth parents any easier. There's a huge loss there, and huge emptiness I'm only beginning to work through. It breaks my heart knowing my baby will grieve much the same. That there is no magical solution to this, no words that can possibly be enough to forget the ache.

Adopting trans-racially I'm lucky my sister's half black and I have two beautiful nieces who are black.  Our baby will have wonderful family members that will hopefully give them a connection.

My brother in law is adopted and he's native so we'll be using him as a resource as well. I'm well aware his experience and my sisters was not the same as mine.

He was raised by parents who believe it didn't matter he was native. It does! He should've been raised with an understanding of his amazing culture and he was not only robbed of that, but left with racist ideas of what it means to be native that have impacted his self esteem and wounded him deeply. It makes me angry when I think of him being raised "white", and his own genetic make up disregarded,

Here's a wonderful quote from a book my husband is reading on trans racial adoption:

"Before I was adopted I was separated from two families-my birth mother's and my birth father's. I was also separated from my culture and my race. These losses have been huge. People interpret honest talk about them to mean that I wish I weren't a part of my family. OR that I am not connected. OR maybe even that my mom and dad did something wrong by adopting me.OR that I am not grateful. But you know what, I am not 'grateful', that I had to be adopted. I don't feel 'wonderfully lucky' that I was raised in a culture different from the one I was born into. What I do feel is that I love my mom and dad very much. I do feel totally connected to them.I wouldn't trade my family for any family in the world-and I still know what I have lost."

To me that sums up exactly what adoption should be. It should be feeling connected to your family, but understanding the loss and being allowed to talk about and feel the loss. I pray our baby will grow up and talk to us about their losses. Tell us they're sad they were separated and never ever worry that our feelings will be hurt.

I can't even express going through reunion the emotions that I felt that surprised me. I was furious, heart broken and devastated.  Adoption is a beautiful thing...A really beautiful thing. But it comes out of loss. It's still beautiful, and I believe you get the children you're meant to have. It's a good thing. At the end of the day, it's still an incredible thing to be united with your family, no matter how you all come together. Learn, learn and keep on learning. Being a parent is a lot of education, and we never have any excuse to stop learning when it comes to our children's well being.

Answer 6

Sometimes it is positive and sometimes it is negative. As I have often said: Adoptions are as individual as the people involved in them. Each adoption also has positive and negatives within itself.

While love is very important in adoption, it is not a cure all for every issue adoption raises. Love does not make DNA match nor does it prevent adoptees from having thoughts and feelings about their adoptions which are sometimes painful or frustrating. These feelings may have nothing to do with their adoptive situations but with the simple fact that they are adopted. Sometimes experiences and people outside the immediate situation can influence these feelings. There are many reasons for adoptees to experience negative feelings even when their adoptive situation is positive. The individual themself may have issues with identity, questions about their first families, medical concerns and a million other things. Some individuals have intense feelings about this and no amount of love will "fix" it. It depends on the individual in question.

Race is an important part of identity and, as with many other things such as disabilities, & religious/cultural differences; can be difficult for people who are NOT adopted. Adoption can simply compound these issues - even when the overall experience is loving and supportive.

Adoption of children who need families is a noble undertaking, but education plays a huge role in how well many will play out. To adopt solely to "save a child" or to provide one's self a family simplifies something that is far too complex to survive on merely good intentions or personal fulfullment.

No doubt there are many positive trans-racial adoptions - I have been privy to a few and witnessed first hand the benefits which can be provided in a stable, loving and supportive environment. Education was key in helping these families cope with the issues they encountered. Everything from hair and skincare to how to handle offensive remarks has caused bumps for these families but most of these things were resolved through education and openness.

Adoption is difficult enough without thoughtlessly adding further challenges to the situation. IMO, trans-racial, international, special needs, foster care and older child all require very special people who are willing to fully educate themselves about both adoption and the needs of their child, are open and honest about the challenges they may/will face and are willing to enlist knowledgeble help for their families when they need assistance.

I am not against these kinds of adoptions; but I feel that there should be requirements concerning specific education, screening of candidates etc. to ensure that adoptees are placed in situations which are as prepared as possible for the challenges faced by the individual child and have the proper support systems in place in the event that an issue arises beyond the abilities of the immediate family.

OK, I could go on but I'll stop. :) I commend you and your wife for giving a loving home to children in need. I wish you and your family the best of luck! You sound like good parents.(That you are curious shows you are thinking about these things!!)

BTW: The study in the article was done by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. This and many other interesting studies and information can be found on their web site.

www.adoptioninstitute.org

Sorry about any typos...

ETA: Possum, as always a poignant and well thought out post! I agree with all your points! :)

Jennifer L., Beautfully stated! Your statement about society not being color-blind is so eloquent... :)

Answer 7

I have a lot to say on this question, but not enough time right now to get it all down. I will try to come back, but for right now let me start with this.

I am reading Barack Obama's earlier memoir, Dreams from my Father. In it he says, "I was trying to raise myself to be a black man in America, and beyond the given of my appearance, no one around me seemed to know exactly what that meant."

That is the situation we have placed our children in, as transracial adoptive parents. And yes, I have done this also, as a white mom to a daughter from China. The problem is is better defined as one of "racial identity." Growing up in a white family, many adult adoptees of color say that they have had a very hard time developing a strong identity as a person of color. In the face of ongoing and pervasive racism, a strong self identity is essential. This was a very difficult struggle for Barack Obama. And it will be a difficult struggle for our kids.

Coming on top of all the losses inherent in adoption just compounds the issues.

Lots more to say, and lots of books and websites to recommend. More later I hope...

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ETA: Okay, I'm back and working on adding more to this. I will give you some suggestions for reading and websites below first.

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Okay, I have probably overwhelmed you with sources below! Sorry, I got a little carried away; this subject is VERY important to me (and to our kids, at least I think it will be). I will try to address your questions directly now.

All children have the right to a loving family. It is by far the best if that loving family is the one they were born into--their parents. Second best is one of those parents, possibly with a loving and respectful stepparent.**  Third best is extended family. Forth best is a loving family of their same racial and ethnic background in their country of origin. Fifth best in the case of international adoptions (like mine) is a family of their same race/ethnicity in another country. Last comes a family like yours and mine -- a family of another race and culture.

That doesn't mean we aren't great parents to our kids! We truly can be if we work really hard at it and keep our eyes wide open. But we are not the "best" parents for them, not in an ideal world. This world is not ideal, though, and I believe that for the majority of kids it is much better to have a family than not have one.

Growing up transracially adopted is almost always something of a struggle, at least somewhere along the way. ALL kids these days have to struggle growing up, as our world is so very complicated now. Adding adoption on top of that can make that struggle more difficult -- moreso for some than others. Growing up as a child of color with white parents can make it a lot harder yet. It is important for us as white adoptive parents of children of color to be aware of these struggles, to follow our children's lead in understanding the issues they face, to provide many role models of our children's ethnicity and culture that will help them to grow into healthy adults. A big job, but as with all parenting it brings great rewards as well. Good luck!

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**Regarding Single parents:

Above in my hierarchy of the best family for a child, being raised one of your natural parents as a Single Parent came in second best -- way above transracial adoptive parents. I hope you were not suggesting that children be removed from black single mothers in order to be raised by white adoptive families. Because to my mind there is no contest about who is best in the vast majority of cases. I urge you to look deep into your heart on this one.

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I may not get to much more commentary, but you have gotten so many good answers. I hope you take them to heart. Some of this may be hard to "hear," because you went into this innocently trying to "help." We are trying to help, too! There is so much for us to understand as white adoptive parents of children of color. Most important is that we CANNOT really understand the lives our children will lead. We can offer our empathy and support them, but we cannot experience racism as they do/will. We must give them adult role models of their race and ethnicity who will be able to understand. All children grow away and into separate identities from their parents. But our children will have an even more separate identity -- as a person of color. As loving parents our job is to nurture them, bring others in to nurture them -- and let them grow and go. Good luck!

Answer 8

I'm bi-racial and my adoptive parents are white. Did they not understand me at times? No, i'm sure because of our cutural differences the couldn't understand where i was coming from. They tried to understand and did their hardest to show that they did. Am i happy with the family that i have, even though they are white? You, bet I am!! I wouldn't trade them for the world. I was in a happy, loving home enviroment. I was nutured and encouraged to spread my wings. Nothing prepares you for being a parent, but having compassion and understanding can get you in the right track. My word of advice is to read up on their culture, and as they get older seek out activites where they can interact with people of their culture. Maybe you and your hubby can learn their language or to cookl food native to their culture, or make friends that are part of their culture. Most important LOVE your kids. My parents loved me, and i don't think i turned out damaged just because i'm bi-racial and they are white.

Answer 9

I completely agree with you that the benefits do outweigh the cost. However, I have observed in my personal experience (my husband is white) that the general dynamics of a black social experience in terms of family are quite different. This happens to be the only aspect of trans-racial adoption that may be detremental to a child in the long run. There is also a difficult aspect of life, racism, that cannot be overlooked or ignored Having said that, it is difficult for someone who is not a minority to identify with some of the stigmas that are associated with being black (or any minority for that matter) However, I agree with you. There is nothing more detremental to a human than being abandoned and unloved Any child you take into your home is most appreciative of being cared for and race (from the childs perspective) tends to hit the back burner

Answer 10

I saw a show once that told of a white couple who adopted a black baby when he was an infant and his parents gave him up and they adored him, he was the light of their lives, and because of some misguided court ruling about being better off with his won race, he was forcibly removed from the only family he ever knew (he was about 3-4 at the time) and went off in a car with the black family who refused to allow him to take one single toy with him. He waved at them out the window and they were holding his toy they wouldn;t let him take and crying. Six months later after suffering torture and unimaginable abuse, they finally succeeded in murdering him which begs the question why they took him to begin with.

So the answer is this: The adopted child can learn all about his/her own race throughout their lives, as long as the people who adopt them are good kind people and willing to give them a loving home, color should never be allowed to play a part and certainly no child should ever be forced to go through what that poor little boy did. It broke my heart and everyone who was in the audience, the parents and the interviewer were crying.

Answer 11

I completely agree with Jennifer.  There are many aspects to adopting a child transracially that adoptive parents really need to be educated about.  I believe walking into this blindly or the "color blind" attitude can be hugely detrimental to the child.  Love just isn't enough in American, sadly.  

If a family truly "wants" and loves these children then the adoptive parents should go the extra mile in educating themselves in their children's culture and heritage.  Its kinda like comparing apples and oranges.  I believe trans-racially adopted children need both the love of their adoptive families and involved, educated parents who instill racial pride.

Raising black children in america is not the same as raising white children.  You will have to face those facts and do the extra work required.  I don't hear anyone saying just because you are a caucasian parent, you can't do a good job raising your trans-racially adopted children.

I also totally agree with Possum, she gets it completely.

And MamaKate gets it too.