Is writing for me?

Question

Okay...so I am 14 and I have considered writing. I have an idea for a story. I have only written like 2 pages but I need alot of input. Here is the first paragraph. Can I please have a lot of feedback? I dont care if you trash it, I just want honest opinions and suggestions. Here goes...

Midnight. A full moon, I supposed, looking up at the silvery sheen of light streaming through countless treetops. My footsteps crunched down the narrow, yet steep, pathway. Forgetting my surroundings, I drew a shaky breath and sighed it back out. I closed my eyes and promptly slipped on a crumbling rock, hearing a breath catch. I looked feverishly around before realizing whose breath it was. Mine. Well, not mine for long. I would soon be dead.

Answer 1

too many commas and too long sentences.

you can't sigh out a breath

Ok as an intro. Keep writing, that's the only way you'll get good at it - you've got talent, you *could* become good.

Write something / a diary entry as often as possible. Read more books.

Answer 2

lol... too be honest i think your writing beyond yourself. you want it to read like the books that you love. " A full moon, I supposed"

this one in particular really bothered me. Why would you suppose if a moon was full or not. It either is or it isnt. But all in all it would seem you have the makings of a good writer. I could see what you were shooting for. keep at it and you will do well

Answer 3

yea no good. your sentences are wayyyyyyyyy to short, grammatically incorrect, ahhhhhh  go to fictionpress.com and see what its really like.

practice practice practice........ if its something you love, learn about it STUDY it then practice some more.

Answer 4

if u want it to be for u then its for u i don't even care bout this stink-in 2 points do Ur thing girl!

Answer 5

sounds cool, I'd like to hear the rest of it personally....

Answer 6

You are a very talented. I got shivers from the begging and when you discribed where you were i could almost see it. You should consider being a writer.

Answer 7

You have potential, but you need some work on it.

If it's a full moon and you can see it, you wouldn't suppose it's a full moon, you'd know.  I think you should replace "sighed it back out" with "let it out with a sigh."  The "I closed my eyes" sentence is confusing.  Is she slipping because she hear someone's breath catch and it caught her off guard?  Or is she hearing herself catch her own breath when she slips?  Did she fall when she slipped?

It looks like your main problem is grammar.  You're not as familiar with sentence structure as you could be, and you seem to have a little difficulty with specific word definitions and what is appropriate where.  Do some brushing up sentence structure and it should help you out a lot.  Good luck.

Answer 8

I think your writing is wonderful, and you may have a good opprotunity if you can keep a good story going for a couple hundred pages... But since I don't know if you can do that, I don't know how good it will continue to be.

Keep up the great work! :D

Answer 9

I think it sounds really good. I love how you have a lot of detail. That's what I have problems getting into my story, the detail. I think your doing great and just follow your heart and know that you'll just keep getting better and better. Check out the library for some books that will help you in the writing buissness