Isn't a husband also dependent on his stay at home wife?

Question

Isn't he dependent on her to do all the domestic things that he would need. If she was working, he wouldn't he still need someone to clean the house, make food, watch the kids, etc...

So, what is wrong with a SAHM being dependent on her husband. Isn't he dependent on her too?

Answer 1

No...if she was working, then they would just divvy up the household tasks and childcare duties, like most families do.  Actually, the majority of housework and childrearing is still done by women, even if they work, so if his wife worked, he'd still probably have the benefit of not having to do a great deal of the tasks around the house, plus the family would have another salary coming in.  

In most families where both parents work, they don't have to hire a maid or anything.  The husband and wife manage to get all the house chores, childrearing, and cooking done, all while still having jobs.  The only thing they would really need to involve an outsider in is daycare.  Housework is not so incredibly time-consuming or difficult that the person needs all day to do it.  

I'm not criticizing SAHMs or SAHDs.  To be honest, if I was married and my partner made enough money, I think I might like to be a SAHM too...it would be great to have that freedom.  I'm just saying, the fact that tons of U.S. families have both parents working and still manage to get everything done without needing to hire outside help (besides a daycare) shows that the role that SAHMs and SAHDs play is not exactly vital, since most families are fine without one partner staying home.

If you are happy doing what you are doing, and your husband makes enough money to support your family, and you feel satisfied that the benefits brought to your family from you being a SAHM outweigh any benefits they would gain if you worked, then more power to you.  If my circumstances were like that, I'd be a SAHM too.  

One thing I can't deny--with one partner having a career and one doing all the housework, it is probably less stressful for both, which probably benefits the whole household.  The man can come home and relax after work, and the woman doesn't have to worry about doing housework AND having a day job.

Answer 2

In the situation you describe, there is nothing wrong with both partners sharing the roles equally in a symmetrical relationship.  Both are dependent, and both provide role support for the family unit.

The danger comes when certain roles are stereotyped as being applicable to one s*x (ie women as housekeepers, men as chief wage earners).  The danger is that inevitably, if such labeling of roles occurs, certain roles within a family unit are assigned more importance.  Unfortunatley, in a capitalist society such as ours, the wage earner (labeled traditionally as being in the male domain) has been given (traditionally) more credence than the homemaker.  This labelling implies that the homemaker is dependent on the wage earner which goes back to patriarchal dominance of the family unit.  

We have to remember that all roles in a family are equal and valid, and it is in modern times acceptable for both sexes to have either role (ie stay at home mum/dad, chief wage earner etc) or indeed a mixture of changing roles.  Mutual dependence is ok, as long as both partners are comfortable in that situation and that no one person feels solely dependent on the other.

Answer 3

I think before anyone marries they should be required to be self supporting and independent for at least 5 years.  That means have a job and an home away from their parents.  With that comes the awareness of what is involved with maintaining a home (apartment) and earning a living.  Then if they choose to have someone stay home with the children- they know what they are gaining or loosing in the process.   A person would know what is necessary to clean the home, prepare food, etc.  

I love to cook and was the main chef in our family.  Even when I was working at dinner time, I prepped ahead meals to be heated and served.     We had someone clean the house, mow the lawn, etc.   We had nannies at times and child care.  Yes, we were dependent upon those services.   But if one fell through we just hired someone else.    It didn't really matter who did it.

Answer 4

No, because these services can be purchased in the marketplace.  He earns money; she doesn't.  Like it or not, she is to a far greater extent dependent upon hubby (to provide for her).  

She is financially dependent upon the breadwinner of the house.  And like anything else, there are benefits and risks involved.

Answer 5

A good saying, 'You make the living and I'll make it worth living'.

Spoken by a very nice lady.  

A man is definitely dependent on his 'stay at home' wife.   To raise their children.  That is why a man picks a woman who has the best qualities for raising his children.  Sometimes love messes up the plans.  lol

Answer 6

Yes he's dependant on her. Not nearly as dependant as she is on him.

The fact of the matter is money is power. The person making the money has power over the person who isn't.

Answer 7

i agree with you proud. a husband is also dependent on his wife. no man wants to work from 9-5 and come home to a messy house, kids running riot and no warm food. not just house chores either. both husband and wife provide emotional support to each other. both provide a shoulder to lean on when sad and both share in laughter.

both are dependent on each other. there is nothing wrong in a man working and a wife being dependent on him to provide all the things she needs to do her job. SAHM have very tough jobs, tougher than 9-5 jobs even as their jobs are virtually 24/7.

proud, being a SAHM is what you want to do. there is nothing wrong with that. i hope you dont feel the need to prove to others that your choice is worthy. some people may come out and say that its not a real job and that its easy, but if your husband is happy to come home from work everyday, then you're doing an exellent job.

Answer 8

You're right, it certainly seems to be and should be reciprocal.

It's insulting to think that the woman is merely a "servant" by choosing to do these difficult jobs of keeping a house running

Answer 9

I agree.  Although my husband does most of his work at home, it would be extremely difficult for him to do his job if he had to look after the children as well, especially as they almost never stop fighting.

As far as cooking and cleaning go, he could probably manage okay if he was on his own, as he is quite domesticated, but not when it comes to catering for the children and cleaning up their mess, which is considerable.

I am quite happy to be financially dependent on my husband and he is quite happy not to have to worry about who is looking after the children.  It seems to work out very well.

Answer 10

A  CEO in a corporate office is dependant on his staff.   A surgeon cannot operate without qualified co-workers.  Any relationship is interdependant....  He can't live his life as effectively without you.   That being said....  it's late you are on the computer and not sounding very happy... Forget your family and friends and ask What do YOU want/need?   Then make the most of it!

Answer 11

Absolutely; he needs her strength; just as much as she needs his. There should be no room for debating on whom is doing more or who is doing less; it's thinking like that that causes a lot of marriages to go sour.  Marriage is rough; there aren't lillies around all the time.

Answer 12

Yes, that's definitely true.

Answer 13

I think they are equally dependent on each other.

Answer 14

It is not rocket science to cook food and clean a house. No, husbands are not dependent on house wives, house wives are dependent on husbands.  As a woman I would rather go to moon, travel the world, feed the hungry, become the president, invent new things, create new pieces of art work, design clothing, cure diseases, I could go on and on and on.

Answer 15

You're right. It's a give and take relationship. We're all dependent on each other somehow.

I don't see anything wrong with a SAHM choosing to stay dependent on her husband, as long as you don't feel "trapped to stay dependent" or "helpless" like many DV victims.

Answer 16

YES!!!  If he loves her (ssshh!  I'll tell you a man secret-especially when there are children involved, most men are more dependent on wives than vice versa.  We are just too scared to tell you.)  

And the older the guy gets (all this unless he makes megabucks) the more DEPENDENT he gets on the wife-on average.  Again if the guy loves you and is sensitive, he will do anything for you.  

That's a big reason why a lot of working class men collapse after a divorce.  My brother died going thru a divorce.  Trust me, us men have feelings too.  I did everything for my ex-wife and her son...only problem was I didn't marry someone who was honest.  

Peace,

Answer 17

I think they are both equally dependent.  The work the SAHM does certainly has a "marker-value" and in many cases that market value is greater than the salary of the working husband.

Answer 18

Very true its a team effort.

Answer 19

Most working single people seem to do ok taking care of their household chores.  It's not like a big deal taking care of a house these days.  I was a SAHM and pretty much had everything done everyday in the house by 10 AM.  When I was working fulltime, I don't ever once recollect being dependent on someone to pick up my clothes or use the kitchen or vacuum occasionally.  And, actually, when I was able to start hiring domestics, it still wasn't like I was dependent on them.  It was more like they came with the condo, like the furniture.  I hardly ever noticed them better yet ever felt dependent on them.  Oh, sure, I noticed and appreciated how clean things were, but the focus of my mind was on more important things.

Answer 20

I don't think it's healthy for any spouse to be so dependent on the other, especially when there's money involved. Both of them should do some things for each other and other things for themselves. For example, I think SAHMs should build up their own money before marriage and keep it in their own name. I also think their husbands should help out more with the childrearing; this shouldn't be a one-parent domain.