Isn't adoption so weird?

Question

What's with the celebrity craze for adopting babies from foreign countries? Come to think of it, what's with anyone adopting babies from foreign countries? Don't we have enough orphans here in the US? Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just grow up with their biological families, and be sent to live with celebrities in cases of crisis... like sent to michael's ranch for weekend retreats and what not? ok that last part was a joke...almost...

Answer 1

Yes it is very weird isn't it? All those celebrities adopting babies because well it is the in thing to do isn't it? Wouldn't it be wonderful if instead they adopted those in foster care here in the US who actually need homes? My goodness but they are "damaged" and not infants! Truly adoption is very weird. You truly have no idea unless you have lived it as I have, as my daughter has.

Adoption is not a natural thing at all, in this day and age it is a man made construct that does not take into account the "best interest of the child" in almost all cases.The children in this country that truly need families are often in foster care, they are the children in this country who really need homes, need strong loving families. But most are damaged and seen that way. Not many want to adopt a child with problems. Adoption of infants is big business in this country. They industry is mostly unregulated and they make billions every year. All too often in the process forgetting what is really in the "best interest of the child"

In my opinion those that don't have children of their own should perhaps think about how god didn't want them to have children instead of taking others children from them. I am tired of hearing about how it was Gods plan for a child to be raised by some other woman than that childs god given mother. Don't tell me about the bs in the bible about adoption either, it is so taken out of context for the most part. If you can't have kids then maybe you were not meant to have them. Or if like some you just don't want to go about the dirty business of actually giving birth well then again just don't have children at all. It is so very simple really most women would mother their child if given the chance and support they need. The myth of the crackhead w h ore, alcoholic is just that a myth. Most women are middle class to upper middle class college bound or college educated and coerced out of their children. While there are some of those mythical women most natural mothers are not at all like that.

Lets face it there will always be children who need to be raised by people other than their family. But do we need to strip those children of their heritage? NO!

One more thing, most people who adopt from overseas aren't doing it for altruistic reasons, they go outside the country to avoid those pesky "Birthmothers" from ever coming back into their childrens lives. thereby not destroying their little "as if born to" lives. Poor poor adopters I just feel so sad for them! Truly I do because they really and truly for the most part have not a clue what it is they are really doing when they adopt. They are destroying one family to create another.. Not pretty is it?

Answer 2

I tell you Justin, adoption is weird!  I was adopted 43 years ago, and the way adoption affects my life never ends.

I really believe it's THE most politically charged issue today.  Everyone speaks for adopted people!  Can you imagine saying you know what it feels like to be black?  Can you imagine what it's like to be g*y?  No one would dare speak for these groups, but people are always speaking for us!

"My neighbor's cousin's hairdresser has an adopted child, and they're HAPPY to be adopted!  They're grateful they have a swimming pool!  They love all the opportunities they now have!  Where would that kid be without them?!  

How often do you hear someone say, "I love material THINGS and the educational opportunities I've had MORE than my FAMILY."  Never.  You've never heard anyone say that.  And if you did, you'd think they were a disgusting person--right?

But that's how adoptees are supposed to LIVE.  They are supposed to NOT have ANY feeling about ANYONE that came before their ADOPTIVE parents.  They gave you a home, bathed you, took you to soccer practice, yada, yada.

Try living like that for 18-20 years.  You don't friggin' know weird until you've swallowed that!

Thanks for the question, and noticing just how WEIRD it is!

Answer 3

This is a comment to Adoptionissadnsick.

Your demented thought that adoptive parents are lusting after a child at any cost is so inaccurate.  I'm sorry if you had a bad experience in life with adoption but not all adoption is that way.  I agree that celebrities do have the "money" to do as they please and that there's plenty of children here in the U.S., but if you'd take your head out of the hole in which is sits you'd realize that there's so many impoverished countries where children are suffering because the parents have died from disease, malnutrition or other forms.  The governments of those countries do not have the resources nor the money to do much about it.  Adoption has its problems - I agree with that.  Asking for people to give money and support so a child (facts are that a majority of birthmoms are usually underaged teenager) can raise a child is not a solution. All it says is "hey it's okay to get pregnant because we'll give you our hard earned money so you can support your children".  Hmmm sounds a little like welfare doesn't it.  And ALOT of those mothers unfortunately don't get away from it or have a very difficult time getting away from it because it's more money for them to live on welfare then to hire child care.  And guess what....  the more children they have the more money they get.   Sounds a little freaky to me.  I'm already giving to these girls (women) through my taxes and yet it hasn't done a darn thing.  Now that isn't to say that there's mothers that truly need that help and my heart does go out to them but face it....  The system has been taken advantage of so many times.  And then there's the saying "permanent solution to a temporary problem".  Another faux paus.  Not all problems are temporary, otherwise this would be a perfect world that we live in and adoption would not exist.  Hate to say it, but adoption will go on through the centuries.

Answer 4

I'm totally with you.

Isn't it funny how adopters are only concerned about the 'orphans' of the world when they are from countries that allow adoptions - like, sod the rest of them

There are ways of helping impoverished countries without relieving them of their citizens via adoption

Answer 5

Yes, it would be nice if everyone could grow up with their biological families.  I agree with you that adoption could easily be considered as weird or abnormal.  

As for why people, including celebrities, are adopting babies from foreign countries, there are two possibilities.

1.  They want a baby or child.

2.  They want to save a baby or child.

Hope I've answered your question!

Answer 6

i do not agree with people of the us going to other countrys because it causes many immgration problems and racism . it can cause less room and jobs gettin took up. it can bring back dieases and im not being cruel. or mean,. but i think the USA AND THE UK shud focus on itself until it is a nation that everyone knows can stand proud tall

Answer 7

Totally agree. How much better it would be for people to try to help the biological families from poverty-stricken countries STAY TOGETHER, rather than rip a child out of its culture, country, and family. For the people who want to adopt, there are plenty of children who actually need new families because the bio parents are abusive or neglectful.... what is the point in taking a child whose parents are loving and responsible, just stricken by poverty, social stigma, or some other crisis? It's opportunistic.

Answer 8

Yes adoption is ripe with weirdness.

I love it when people say "anyone can be a mother or father..." usually it's spoken by some infertile that's lusting after someone else's baby. Apparently NOT everyone is meant to be a parent, but some will stop at nothing to become one....

The other catagory of weirdness is the thought that adoption is a charitible good deed.....ha ha... the goodness would really be keeping a family intact, by either offering support, of time, money or mentoring.

It is a weird sick institution....

Answer 9

The US has really annoying laws- like moms can change their minds years down the road and take the baby back.

You have the benefit of an uncontested adoption when you do it overseas.

Answer 10

The hurdles that parents need to jump to adopt in the U.S. are ludicrous.  You'll find that those who are in favor of abortion tend to also be in favor of increasing the difficulty in the adoption process (Oh, I'll hear about that!).

The celebrity craze is nothing more than the cause de jour for them.

Answer 11

not at all, i am adopted and soo glad i was my birth parents are weirdos.

Answer 12

Justin-----Educate yourself on adoption before you make ignorant statements please. It is all too OBVIOUS, that you have no knowledge of the beauty of adoption and it's many facets.  Unfortunately, people like you, and the media, hounding on the "negative stories", and not the positive one's give this wonderful option for families, such a bad rap. Shame on you, and yes........please go to ANOTHER FORUM.

Answer 13

ANYONE CAN BE A MOTHER/FATHER----IT TAKES SOMEONE SPECIAL TO BE A MOM/DAD......

Answer 14

Most of the time, people adopt from other countries because they don't want to deal with those pesky "birth" mothers and fathers.  They will have a small chance of them changing their minds.  

Also it is easier to adopt from other countries.  People like Madonna and Angelina point blank bought their children.  Interestingly enough, Madonna has gotten blocked on her second adoption attempt.

Answer 15

i agree that there are plenty of orphans here but the overseas children need homes too and if thats what the parents want to do then good for them. As for celebrities... i dont think they should have kids at all unless they are ready to leave the limelight. i think the insane world of hollywood with the drugs and media and short marriages is a bad place for children

Answer 16

For people who want to adopt an infant (because when you adopt an infant you can actually "build" their brain, since nurturing affects brain connections) there are no enough healthy, under-two-years-old, babies in the US.  That's why couples who want to adopt infants go on long waiting lists or else adopt from countries where there are a lot of orphans.

I have one adopted (from infancy) child and two biological children.  I believe it would be nice if everyone who wanted three children would/could adopt one of them in order to offer a good childhood/home to a baby who needs one.

Have you ever heard little news pieces about animals that start to care for baby animals of another species?  There have been dogs that "adopt" kittens, cats that "adopt" skunks, dogs that "adopt" squirrels, and any number of other animals that adopt baby animals of other species.  

While maternal instinct does not come naturally to men, who are biologically hard-wired to lean away from loving the offspring other than their biological offspring, female animals generally have a strong maternal instinct - and that shows when one animals adopts a baby of a different species.

Adoption is as natural as anything else that's natural; but sometimes culture has a way of blurring that.

It would be nice if everyone could always be raised with nurturing loving families, but that isn't reality.  Some babies have parents who fracture their skulls.  Some have no parents and live in African orphanages, half starving to death.  Some have 15-year-old mothers who take drugs while they're pregnant and deliver drug-addicted, damaged, babies.

I had no reason to think I couldn't have children myself, but I saw one little, sweet, guy who needed someone to give him stability and love.  Somehow it just kind of seemed to me that my life would be that much more worthwhile if I offered these things to a child who needed them and not just the children I had myself.

No - adoption is not weird in the least.

Answer 17

no and no and thats weird and no and its not funny

Answer 18

Yes, I think adoption is soo weird, it is a lot to deal with and everyone acting like you are supposed to be happy about it.

The whole separation culture is weird.

I agree, celebrities should only be used as respite care, not actual long term adoptive parents, but kind of like the fosterers of the nation, if parents need to go on vacay or whatever, maybe then they could make up for being so vapid, over paid and pointless.

Answer 19

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could just grow up with their biological families?

Yeah, that WOULD be best!

To: beebopgirl

Beebopgirl: there's so many impoverished countries where children are suffering because the parents have died from disease, malnutrition or other forms. The governments of those countries do not have the resources nor the money to do much about it.

Reply: So why are people from this wealthy nation reluctant to give money to help families in other nations? Families include more than a mother and father – even if both have died one of your fantasy deaths - there are other members of a child’s family who could benefit from your financial support. Prospective adopters go to these places specifically to bring a child home, not to help a child, it’s not for the child, if it were you would be sponsoring a child to stay with his or her family, not bringing home a souvenir.

Beebopgirl: Adoption has its problems - I agree with that. Asking for people to give money and support so a child (facts are that a majority of birthmoms are usually underaged teenager) can raise a child is not a solution. All it says is "hey it's okay to get pregnant because we'll give you our hard earned money so you can support your children". Hmmm sounds a little like welfare doesn't it.

Reply: Hmmm, what is welfare FOR if not for crises situations - keeping families intact? And what about all of the adoption credits and subsidies that adoptive families get? That is MY ‘taxpayer’ money going where I would rather it didn’t.

Beebopgirl: And ALOT of those mothers unfortunately don't get away from it or have a very difficult time getting away from it because it's more money for them to live on welfare then to hire child care. And guess what.... the more children they have the more money they get.

Reply: Same for adoption…$10,000 tax credit per child; the more they get, the more they get.

Beebopgirl: Sounds a little freaky to me.

Reply: I agree!!

Beebopgirl: I'm already giving to these girls (women) through my taxes and yet it hasn't done a darn thing.

Reply: And yes, my taxes were going to support all of the lovely programs available to “help people adopt”. Ya know, as a woman who lost her son to adoption that turns my stomach, but hey, it’s the American way.

Beebopgirl: And then there's the saying "permanent solution to a temporary problem". Another faux paus.

Reply: Look up the term faux pas. You know neither how to spell it, nor use it, so quit trying to pretend you know what it means. (Losing a child to adoption is permanent; being young and without means or support is temporary.)

Beebopgirl: Not all problems are temporary, otherwise this would be a perfect world that we live in and adoption would not exist.

Hate to say it, but adoption will go on through the centuries.

Reply: Why do you hate to say it? It sounds as though you are quite comfortable with adoption and that you’re not interested in even trying to fix the problems in this imperfect world. As long as there is a market for babies, people will suffer.

Hey Justin, hope I answered your question!

Answer 20

Actually there aren't that many "orphans" in the U.S. and even so conditions here for children are MUCH better than in other countries from which Americans adopt. Of course, there are many children in the U.S. which can be adopted especially older and special needs children.

Adoption is not werid. It has been around pretty much forever for a whole lot of reasons. Why the celebrities? It's Hollywood. They have their own set of rules out there. Basically, who knows.

The ranch thing is not the least funny to anyone who cares for children. It just turns my stomach. I worked with sexually abused children and you have no idea how badly this affects them and for how long.

Answer 21

"iampatsajak," you're wrong, wrong, wrong.  In no state in the US can a first mother change her mind years down the road and take her kid back.  She has a very limited window in which to change her mind--a month or less.  

High-profile custody cases often appear to be about first mothers suddenly wanting their kid back years later, but what really happens is that the adoption was contested from the beginning, or not finalized, or (as in the recent Anna Mae He case) not even an adoption.  

Do some research and you'll find that in all of these cases the first mother/parents wanted their baby back right away, and those who have the kid (whether it's legally theirs or not) are the ones who stall and drag things through the courts for years, reasoning that the longer they have the kid, the crueler it will be to take it from them.

Answer 22

From my point of view with my own experience, adoption was a life saver. Litterally.  Yes it would be great if everyones biological parents were able to give their children safe, happy homes. Unfortunatley that isn't the case many times. I was with my birth mom for 18 months and I was abused and abandoned.  I am quite fortunate that my grandparents were able to adopt me and get me out of the situation. My two younger siblings were not as fortunate and suffered terrible abuse.