Isn't infant adoption impossible now? You have to wait years!?

Question

I heard of a couple waiting more than 18 months and they still don't have a baby they wanted. They are just about ready to give up.

Answer 1

Adoption can be a long process, yes, but that's just one of the things you have to consider when you make the decision to adopt.

If more women are choosing to keep their babies, this should be considered a good thing; after all, separation of the baby and mother in order for an adoption to happen, if it isn't absolutely necessary, is a traumatic experience for the child and can be for the mother too.  After all; isn't adoption supposed to be about the best interests of the child?

Look into adoption from foster care; there are thousands of foster children who's parents' parental rights have already been terminated, and these kids, while maybe are no longer babies, are still just as deserving of a loving and stable home.  I would hope that this couple you know would not shut their hearts and minds to a child who might not be a rosy cheeked cherub.

Answer 2

I agree, perhaps more softly with some of the other comments.  We waited a long time to get a child, we just wanted under five but in our (old) province it took forever.  Now we moved and will be getting a placement very shortly of older children.  (4,5,6)

As for the baby, I understand the desire to have a baby in your arms, and the loss they may feel.  HOwever as said earlier, adopting is about finding homes for the children not babies for the parents.  

They may have some grieving to do, but I deplore anyone wiating for a "baby" to do some heavy grieving.  Don't let others on this forum tell you that you are greedy, but do process the fact that it may never happen.  Look into foster adopt programs or older children.  

This is a hard thing for a couple to go through if they cannot have their own children, and it can eithe rbring you clsoer together or drive you apart.

Answer 3

Infant adoption does take longer than foster adoption, but there are so many children in foster care who actually don't have legal families anymore.  The have nowhere to go but foster care unless they are adopted.  If you're interested in being a parent, why not check into foster-adoption?

Adoption is supposed to be about finding families for children, not finding children for people who want to be parents.

Answer 4

Well when all the world wants is a healthy white BABY and not simply to love a child you must wait and pay big money.

Children are out there waiting for a home and for some parents to love them, asdly these children are not babies anymore and are looked over by the majority trying to adopt. Tell them if what they truly want is to be paretns to go to the foster system and adopt a child who actually needs a family.

Like the first comment said it is about finding parents for children not children for you to be a parent.

Answer 5

I don't think that infant adoption is impossible.  If one is willing to work with an agressive, unethical (and very expensive) agency, I think that odds are higher.

Shouldn't we be happy that people have to wait years for the "baby they wanted"?  Doesn't that mean that parents are choosing to be responsible for their children's well being and not condemning them to live a life apart from their families?

Sorry, but I just don't get bemoaning good news.

Perhaps you could gently guide them from taking an infant from his/her mother and suggest that they consider caring for a child who needs them.

Answer 6

18 months and still no baby, huh?

Sort of blows the myth that "There are so many babies who NEED homes" right out of the water, doesn't it?

Tell them to check into adopting from the state--you know, a child who was abused, neglected, actually needs a new home--there are over 100,000 of those children waiting for parents. Side benefit: your friends won't be feeding a corrupt infant adoption industry that tends to exploit women and girls in unplanned pregnancies.

Answer 7

Infant adoption does take a long time. I think that most people are keeping their children now. They are not forced to give up their kids anymore for "appearance" sake or to hide the pregnancy from their family and friends.

Answer 8

Econ 101: Law of Supply and Demand

You want that HWI, you gotta pay. Dig deep into those pockets. Really deep.

Personally, I'd much rather take a whirlwind trip to Europe and buy a new Lexus for what it costs to adopt nowadays. The days of bargain basement infant shopping are over!

And I, for one, rejoice in that!

Answer 9

try other adoption agences from around the world not just the UK

it may be easier...

www.childrenshopeint.org

Answer 10

Some couples have a hard time adopting than others.

We have family friends whose teenage son & ex-girlfriend placed their infant in adoption about three years ago.

They poured through hundreds of family files before they chose the family that they thought would be the best parents.

Sadly, adoption is a waiting process and some get lucky very fast, and others don't.

I know that people who foster infant children can lead to an opportunity to adopt infants within their care. Your friends might want to consider that route.

Answer 11

It depends on the agency. I was adopted from South KOrea when I was six months old. My parents only waited a few months. But, depending on the agency and the country it can take a long time. But, it's worth it in the end, tell your friends to not give up.

Answer 12

There are infants and younger children needing parents in other countries. I know this board is biased against international adoption, but the children in other developing countries need parents just as much as older children do in the U.S. and other first world countries.  

And I agree, adoption should not be about finding children for parents, but rather about finding parents for children.

However, since there are children in need of families in many other parts of the world, I do not think it wrong to recommend international adoption to people seeking to adopt a younger child.

The infants and toddlers in orphanages will grow up to be the older children who need homes if they are not placed when then are infants.

Many people prefering to adopt a younger child will not elect to adopt an older child, just as many people who can easily get pregnant will not choose to adopt. It's also about family building, and people need to create families that work for them and for their children.

Children in first world countries like the U.S. or the U.K. or Canada are not more entitled to parents than kids in developing countries, regardless of their age.

Answer 13

Glad to hear they are about to give up, sad that they wanted to take a baby from a mother in the first place.

Answer 14

To what others have said I can only add that my a'parents waited 18 months for me in 1965.  I know it seems long to them, but in this day and age it's really not that long a wait.

Answer 15

Isn't that a good sign that people are raising their own children; I think so

There are plenty of children waiting to be adopted who deserve a good home.  I cannot find sympathy for people who over look them and leave them behind, demanding a baybeeeee!  ick