Isn't instinct sometimes counterproductive to survival?

Question

The whole purpose (scientist preach) for evolution and instinct, is for survival of the species. So then, why are mens instinct to be nice to attractive woman such a turn off to woman? All the time, I hear woman say that men are too nice. We can't help it its our instinct, so because of this many nice guys cant reproduce. Also, wouldn't nice guys be better fathers and leaders and that would be best for mankind?

Answer 1

Of course, but instinct or "natural" behavior evolved in circumstances very different from ours today. Instinct says run away from loud sounds and fast moving objects, but now we ride on buses and planes which are loud and fast. (If we didn't, we might not make enough money to support ourselves and then we wouldn't survive.)

For some, the instinct is to eat at every opportunity and store fat against the famines that used to plague the human race. Now we risk not reproducing because we die young or are not considered attractive to sexual partners.

According to some new research using photographs of men, at different points in a woman's cycle, different men are more attractive--at least in general. When she's most likely to conceive, she wants a tough guy (one who's likely to produce sturdy children); a week later, she prefers a gentler sort, the kind that would help her raise her child.

By definition, nice guys make better fathers. The jury's out on whether they make better leaders. Some people believe that just being a leader is enough to turn some one to the "Dark Side"--power corrupts and all that. So we may never know if nice guys make better leaders--they may not be ruthless enough to get to be leaders. Our way to a better world may not be through better leaders, but through people who don't feel such a need to be led--but that's another matter.

Answer 2

You are trying to disprove evolution because you can't get a date?

I have never seen a woman say men are too nice, usually its pretty much the opposite.

If you have seen Scrubs, that lawyer is nice. He takes care of his mother really well, but would anyone want to date him? The president is nice (or tries to have a nice facade) because he dedicates his life to helping others and I am sure many women are drawn to the president. Theres a lot of different kind of 'nice' attitudes.

Answer 3

Your question begs two false premises:

1. That human beings act based on instinct;

2. That natural selection is present in all human behavior.

1. Many people would agree with you that human behavior can be explained by some kind of automatic impulse called "instinct". Still, you should first define instinct, because I am sure that you are the first guy to say there is such a thing as the "being nice" instinct. I would disregard the use of "instinct" on almost all human social behavior (but I guess you're not interested in that).

2. Now, natural selection is a law applied to the perpetuation of a species. So if you find a species acting in a way that would be contrary to it's survival then it's either not natural selection or you are using the wrong method to collect your data.

Actually I'd say you're data is far fetched.

Answer 4

What you're talking about is a result of current social conditions which fluctuate.  I think there may be some genetic basis to womens attraction to the bad boy/aggressive guy, etc but for the most part women are raised by mothers and friends that show and tell them what is attractive and what is not.  They are socialized to find jerks attractive, it's not so much a genetic (evolutionary) thing.  I bet cavewomen loved the nice cavedudes.

Answer 5

Women do like guys who will be nice to us and others.  What we don't like is spineless nice guys.  We appreciate well rounded men who are nice but also confident in themselves, men who won't be pushovers.  If we sense weakness, you're out.

Answer 6

I don't believe its "instinct" for a man to be nice to a woman. Objectively speaking, it's man's instinct to find a mate, in order to ensure the survival of his genes. A nice guy is more of a characteristic trait than a genetic attribute; because I've met some pretty mean guys who approach an attractive girl and talk to her like she's a piece of meat. Think of animals: the males always have to puff themselves up (pigeons), while the female remains aloof.  Men are not inherently nice--in fact, people aren't inherently nice.

Being nice can give off the impression that you wouldn't be a fit husband because you let people walk over you. The key would be a balance: there's a spectrum from "pushover" to "compassionate." The latter is better.

As far as fathers, "nice" fathers are fun and great, but a good father is one that maintains a balance between nice and stern. Same with leaders. They should be nice, but not too nice or they'll get taken advantage of.

Answer 7

Hmmm. Logically I would think nice guys would win out as better providers and nurturers, but from a 'biological' standpoint, aggressive alpha male types would be preferred, I guess, for athletic prowess.  Or even a rich man, because of his ability to provide. Different women are seeking a certain type of mate for their own individual reasons. Some of us are at the whim of our inner monkey and others are looking for true spiritual companionship. Why do nice guys always pursue  extremely attractive but soulless women? That's not conducive to survival, either.  ;)

As far as men being instinctively nice, I would have to see proof of that.

Answer 8

Instincts that have evolved to be beneficial in a particular situation may

become detrimental in a different situation. There are several human

instincts that have evolved in ancient times, and which still exist

today, which are now purely detrimental, not beneficial. All of the

wrongful inefficient political ideals of humankind, including theocracy,

leftism, randism, and everything inbetween, are the result of evolved

instincts that are detrimental to modern society. Likewise, certain

instincts that evolved in ancient times can be even more beneficial

to modern society than they were in ancient times.