Isn't it against the law for adoptive parents to buy first moms anything before the adoption?

Question

I've seen questions about adoptive parents buying gifts, letting first moms live with them etc... before the adoption. My adoption agency told me this is completely illegal. I bought my son's first mom some lotion and the adoption agency told me I couldn't give it to her. So how is this going on? Is it only illegal in certain states? Please explain.

Answer 1

As I understand it, it is perfectly fine for you to pay for medical expenses, and other expenses.  However, this, in NO WAY obligates the mother to give up her child to you.  After the child is born she has EVERY right to change her mind and keep the baby.  No refunds.  Nothing is final until she signs the paperwork AFTER the baby is born.  Otherwise, you are talking about BUYING babies, and that is NOT acceptable.  (It's done, but not legally)  A mother has no way of really knowing how it's going to feel to be a mother until she gives birth and sees that baby.  She is not in a position emotionally (or legally) to give that baby up until she actually gives birth and sees the life that has grown inside her.  That's the way it should be, by the way.

Answer 2

That all depends.  If you're going through an adoption agency, and the adoptive parents are paying for things; either bills or by giving gifts,  It can appear that the birthmom is being bought to give up the child.  

What I would suggest is do some search for your specific state and find out what the actual legal laws are.  For me when I gave my baby up, the adoptive parents did give me some gifts, but mine is an open adoption and they are like family (before I gave birth).  So any gift that was given was given with joy and understanding that I helped make their family complete.  

but yes I would do a search for the laws in your state.  But if you want to give or receive a gift there is nothing wrong with that.

Answer 3

in private adoption you can pay for her medical expenses and this is legal. i don't know about other things though

Answer 4

This varies widely by state.

The state in which we adopted allows only medical bills to be paid by the adoptive parents.  We were advised by our adoption agency not to even bring flowers to the hospital, unless they were less than $50 in value.

Answer 5

I believe it is dependent on the state regulations specifically, but typically, anything that can be construed as "buying" a child is not allowed.  Gifts are also frowned upon.  The ironic thing is that it works both ways.  Bio families cannot provide the APs with anything either.  

When we adopted our son, his bio-grandparents wanted to set up a savings account for him for college.  The lawyers and agency both told us that they should wait until the adoption was finalized.  Anything that they did prior to the finalization would be viewed as an "illegal" activity.  I was in shock because it was going to be in my son's name.  But we certainly didn't want to jeopardize the adoption, so we waited until everything was final.  

You'll want to check your state laws specifically to determine what is and what isn't allowed in the eyes of the law.

Answer 6

As I understand it, adoptive parents can provide assistance for medical care and possibly living expenses, but "gift" things could be interpreted as a persuasion or even a coersion tactic.

Answer 7

It depends on the state.

Answer 8

This varies state to state.  In most states, no money, gifts or support can be given directly to a potential birthmother from a potential adoptive parent.  That is where coercion or the potential for abuse can occur.  Any support must go through a licensed agency or in some states an adoption attorney.  That is part of the adoption fee -- which  covers expenses related to the birthmothers housing, groceries, utilities, clothing, medical, legals, etc.   In your state, gifts must be illegal, but in some, a nominal or token remembrance gift can be given, as long as it is not substantial in value.  In some states, adoptive parents cannot even send/bring flowers to the birthmother at delivery.