Isn't it hypocritical to claim you fight for the freedom of choice and then turn around and condemn others for

Question

Many times I find feminists claiming they are fighting for women to have choices, but then they condemn those women that use their freedom of choice and choose to be wives and mothers w/out a career.

Thoughts, please.

(NOTE: No condemning people for making choices different from yours. That's not the question, and I will report such behaviour.)

Answer 1

Who? what feminist have done this? can you give me an example of such an incident? Who did it and who did she say it to?

Answer 2

I totally understand what you're saying. It drives me crazy! My mother does that c**p....she is Unitarian and claims to be accepting of ALL religions, however she will go on and on about how ignorant my husband is for being Catholic. It drives me up the wall! My husband does it too though...he thinks that desecrating the American flag should be illegal and that people who do so need to realize the freedoms they have. But it's like, yeah, one of those freedoms is the freedom to protest/burn the flag/whatever. Drives me crazy!

Answer 3

Actually, I have come across this myself.  I have had some people saying that being a SAHM is a waste, and that I should be out working and fighting for my rights.  Well, staying at home is a choice I made, and it is my right to do so.  I think that it is best for me to raise my daughter at home, and then start my career when she goes off to school.  I can have both worlds- but not at the same time.  My daughter is more important to me that a career.  However I underatand that some mothers must work, and that some make the choice to work.  It is all about what is best for the individual.  This happened to be what is best for me.

Note: Although I have gotten a few digs because of my choice, the overwhelming majority do not do this- they are supportive of a womans right to choose what is best for her and her family.

Edit: Wendy has a point- they were probably douches!

Answer 4

Hello darling. Nice to see ya. It's been a looong tiiiiime...

Sorry.

I was supposed to be in bed and now I'm singing. :)

I agree with you to a certain extent. There was a Family Guy where Peter took sensitivity training, and the leader made Peter get in touch with his feminine side.

Any-whoo - the person who put Peter into that said to Lois that she should be happy that there are women fighting for Lois' right to stay home with her children.

And Lois says," I CHOOSE to be a wife and mother. And it's that what feminism is about? The right to MAKE that choice?"

EDIT - just an example of the pestering, people. I don't condemn anyone who makes the choice to do what they want.

Answer 5

Who? When? Where? Please explain where I can find the feminists who say these things, because as of yet, I haven't seen any trace of them.

Answer 6

They are just jealous they can't find a man to put up with them. How about cementing male alliances rather than rivalry?

Answer 7

I have a right to be critical of women who choose to breed before they are able to support themselves.  As long as a third of my taxes goes to support ignorant, unemployable girls and their children after Prince Charming dumps them, I most certainly will oppose the "barefoot and dependent delayed childhood" choice.  I was a completely traditional SAHM for 25 years.  

Although I have never seen any feminist here condemn SAHM, I have seen copious condemnation for working mothers.  And, back when women hit the workforce en masse in order to merely support their two-income families, back in the 60's-80's, hate groups like the Eagle Forum and Phylis Schafaly's pseudo "Family Values" anti-working women's crusade made it absolutely brutal for working women who were literally spit on back then.  Those same anti-working women crusaders maligned childcare and made-up nonsense about how foul women were for putting their children in nursey schools.  The same freaks, though, the wealthy, like Phylis Scahfaly, always used nannies and fancy nursery schools.  During WWII, the U.S. instituted an outstanding childcare system to support working women holding down the fort for men at war.  But, when working women needed that same support, "traditionalists" savaged them.  

Women used to arrive at my nursey school in tears over c**p they heard constantly on the TV, in the newspapers, by their moronic clergy and by the Phylis Schafaly's about how self-centered and bad working women were as mothers.  Phylis Schafaly, by the way, was a full-time working attorney at the time she was advising PTA's to "resist the ilk of the selfish working mother" and schedule PTA meetings only during the day when "real" mothers who "really care about their children" can attend.

Answer 8

Yes, it is hipocritical, there will always be some people that will judge others because it may seem like it isn't helping the cause. But, the is the human equation, and everyone will feel free to speak ... and that has to be alright.

peace.

Answer 9

You're right- it should be a choice and I think that true feminists are about choice. However, I think their are people that judge on both sides. Like the stay at home mothers that accuse women that work as not caring about their kids as much as they do because they stay at home.

Every family's different and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another. Many people do not even have the choice- they have to work to pay the rent and buy food.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother to your children and to not waste your life working.  h**l if I find a women that makes more money than me I'll stay home and be a house husband it could be fun(oviously it isnt all fun and games but kids only grow up once it is great to be there for it).

Answer 11

WHEN has this happened? do you really know people who criticize someone for wanting to be a SAHM?

And are you sure that they are "feminists" and not just total douches?

Answer 12

Your grandmother and a movie with Julia Roberts is not a great deal of information to base your assumptions about feminists on-believe it or not-your grandmother is not the only feminist in the world and a movie is not reality. Here's an article titled: "Caregiving is a Feminist Issue" found at the NOW web site-which is made up of a few feminists: http://www.now.org/issues/mothers/caregi...

Based on your age-your grandmother is probably from the 2nd wave of feminists who were rebelling against the entrenched and rigid gender roles that women had prior to 1980 or she's just stuck in her ways (jobs were advertised by gender until a Supreme Court decision in the 1970's and women were expected to marry or else you were an old maid). As the majority of feminists marry and have kids and stay home at least part or all of the time with their kids-you're telling feminists who stay at home that they are condemning themselves-which they are not.

Ironically the people who I often see condemning SAHM's or F's are anti-feminists who say that SAHM's are lazy gold diggers just waiting for the right time to pounce and divorce their partners and steal all their money and take their kids-check out Angry Harry's popular web site for men's rights and father's rights groups:    http://www.angryharry.com/reCourtsDriveD...

Answer 13

I get a lot of flack on Y/A for being out spoken about my belief that women should stay home to raise their own children. I'm always being told, "well you're so b*tchy about it" or "you're so narrow minded" etc.

The truth is most people don't want what they believe to be challenged, they simply want it to be reinforced by like minded people. So when someone comes along who is educated and has researched a topic like feminism and finds it to be a destructive movement, that is too challenging for some people to deal with. So they lash out in ignorance and fear.

Answer 14

This is typical of certain political philosophies.  They believe everyone should have a voice as long as they're enlightened enough to agree with them.  So yes,  I would say it's hypocritical.

As a man, I have to say that I admire stay at home mothers.  There is no more difficult job in the world.  Some women may disagree but I Wonder if they ever tried it.  I was a stay at home dad for six months and I couldn't wait to go back to work.  I said to my wife, do you know why women have babies?  Because if it were left to us there wouldn't be any.

Be proud of what you do and how you do it.  Not just as a women but as a person.

Answer 15

Feminism is about personal choice.  Many times I think people mistake what feminism is saying and think it is about condemning the choice to be a wife/mother.  It's not.  As feminists, we want to make sure that women have FREE choice and not FORCED choice.  An example of forced choice would be leaving your job to become a stay-at-home mom because there were simply no affordable child care options.  Feminism asserts that a choice is only a TRUE and FREE choice if someone chose to be a stay-at-home mom even though there was affordable child care.

Does this mean that women who do have the means to afford child care and still choose to stay at home are wrong?  Of course not.  Again, true feminists want all women to be empowered to make the best choices for themselves.  At the same time, we also think it is our duty and the duty of women everywhere to continue to fight for the women who do need affordable child care, to fight for equal pay, equal educational opportunities, access to health care, reproductive freedom, to feel safe in our homes and communities, and to be respected as human beings.

Answer 16

No ~ you need family counselling, not answers from feminists.

My grandmother has been a staunch feminist all her life and doesn't rail at anyone for being a SAHM.

So she cancels your grandmother out. Now we have an equal playing field.

What was your question?

Cheers :-)

Answer 17

Rant disguised as a rhetorical question.

The mere fact that women have the option to stay at home with their children (if they can afford it) is down to the efforts of feminists.  Yours is a non-argument, and a rhetorical question doesn't qualify as an argument.

Answer 18

I believe you are taking the term, "choices" in the emperical sense.

Your decision to stay home with your children has absolutely nothing to do with feminism.  You chose to live your life as you wanted, and it was not a political statement, one way or the other.

Answer 19

I completely see what your saying, but if they do have freedom of choice, they have the right to be doing this. They also have freedom of speech. This is both my opinion, and the law. Sometimes people can get to be annoying about stuff like that, but they have the right to fight for something, then be a hypocrite by going against what they are fighting for.

Answer 20

It would be hypocritical. You're right.

Women should have that choice. It's offensive to the women today and the women of the past who fought for choice to say that they don't have the other option anymore.

Answer 21

Amen!

I watched a segment on 60 minutes a couple years ago that was about some very successful women that gave up their careers to stay home with their children.  It was what they WANTED to do.

They interviewed a female professor that criticized these women and said they had a duty to society and the feminist movement to keep working.  I couldn't believe it. It did seem a bit hypocritical.

To be fair, I've heard many feminists (my sister is one) that are fine with women choosing to be SAHM, even if it's not for them...but there are a few that can't possibly fathom the thought of a woman actually CHOOSING to stay home.