Isn't it wrong for my fiance not wanting me to play spanish music at our wed?

Question

I'm playing it for my family.That's their favorite type of music and my fiance was like,well only play like 3 songs.It's a four hour reception,I dont think so.How many songs should I play and has anyone else dealt with this kind of problem?

Answer 1

Is it wrong for him to not want to no.  What he wants isn't wrong.  Is it inconsiderate yes.  He is trying to meet you in the middle with 3 songs.  If you to are at an impasse then you need to sit down at talk to each other and come up with a number that would make both you happy.  Just because it is your families favorite music doesn't mean you have to play a lot of it.  A bit a lot of people attending the wedding wouldn't care for that type of music.  

Also speaking from experience, not a lot of people are going to stay for all four hours of the reception.  They leave after the cake is cut, and the first dance, and all that jazz..

Answer 2

That's a little weird.  Is there a bigger issue re: ethnic/cultural issues?  A fair split, in my mind, would be, for every 10 songs, 2 are country, 2 are Spanish, and 6 are something that everyone likes to dance to.

Answer 3

I think that you very much have the idea that this is not a request that he should be making of you. It's your wedding too and if your guests feel comfortable, you feel comfortable. You and he should sit down either on your own or with the DJ and discuss the play list in detail. This may seem time consuming and trite when you've got so much else to do but the fact of the matter is that this is a 50/50 deal and you have just as much right to your preferences as he does. I'm not entirely clear what you mean b 'Spanish' music, but may I suggest a variety of all music. With the wide variety of musicians out there you can find something to please all parties involved with some work on your parts. You're uniting two people that day, why not unite two play lists too?

Answer 4

THat is unreasonable of him. Explain that you are trying to make it accessible to both sides of your families. It is rude to know that half of the guests in attendance like one kind of music and the other half like a different kind, and then to cater to just one side. Mix it up, and go with what both of you like too.  If it comes down to it, use the example you gave us with the country music.

Also, I don't think you are ebing a bridezilla! It seems like you are trying to compromise to please ALL of your guests, not just your family or his family. As long as you play music for his family and friends too, you ar ejust trying to be a good hostess. If anything, he sounds like he's being a groomzilla!

Answer 5

What is he?

I love spanish music! It was hard with my husband and I ...he's from honduras and im mexican american. We had a mexican band that was supposed to play for 3 1/2 hours and a DJ for 2 1/2 hours...but when the DJ would play - lots of peeps would sit down so the band would take short breaks and continued to play. Just go by with what the guests seem to like...s***w your fiancee! lol its your wedding too!

Answer 6

I'd say you pick half of the music and he pick half, and alternate, but since it seems like it's going to be a problem with the % of Spanish music played, I'd suggest for every 2 or 3 songs of his choosing, play one Spanish song. So, if his genre is country, play 2 or 3 country songs followed by one Spanish song, repeat, and averaging that most songs are 3-4 minutes long, you'll play 15-16 songs per hour, so 12 minutes country, 4 minutes Spanish, and repeat, you're looking at probably 3 or 4 Spanish songs per hour or 10-13 Spanish songs in total so he should compromise with you on that.

Answer 7

I would say play a Spanish song after every 2-3 songs that everyone else likes..I went to my uncles wedding and they played ALL Spanish music I think they had 2-3 songs that were not spanish it it offended me because it made me feel like that everyone else does not matter...

Answer 8

Yep stand up for the music now because he's going to have to get used to the idea that your family and heritage are important to you.

Answer 9

You're being a bridezilla. It's his wedding, too, so why doesn't he get to have an opinion? Playing it "for your family" isn't really a great reason, since it's not their wedding, but it is your fiance's wedding! His opinion should mean much more than theirs.

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that his family loved polka music, and so he thought that your reception should include 3 hours of polka music. Would that be ok with you?? I'm guessing it wouldn't be, and you'd be throwing a fit. What type of music does he like? What type of music does HIS family like? And why shouldn't that be equally important? He's trying to compromise by agreeing to having a smaller amount of spanish music played (rather than none), but you refuse to come to a compromise! If you plan to take this "my way or the highway" attitude for your entire marriage, you might as well not get married, because it's going to be a disaster.

Answer 10

First of all your wedding should be memorable for you and your new husband. Of course, all family members and friends invited will expect good food, music, drinks and other nice things. But remember, the ones that are to be pleased are the bride and groom. Since it is four hours you will need like 12 to 20 songs (more or less). These can be played two at a time then a small break between the songs. If the guests are up to it and no one is drunk to ruin things, you can maybe later one play 3 or even 4 songs straight.  The type of music must be suitable for you and your new husband and for the guests. Check what type of music everyone likes and you can play 2 spanish songs and 1 english song, and one of another style this would be 4 songs straight.

Don't play all spanish songs because some guests may leave a bit up set and talk negative about your reception and the whole wedding for ever. So do variety.  You may would like to include kareoke which will also liven up things. Remember, your wedding is to be memorable and charished not critisized.

Now depends also on if you have a DJ, and/or a real band.  A combination of both is good so when the DJ rests, the band can play and this is real variety. My sister-in-law when she got married did this, she had a DJ and a band play and kareoke. It was fun, different and everyone loved it. You can dance to all types of music and keep everyone happy.  

Answer 11

Ask him if he thinks Spanish Eyes, La Bamba, and the Mexican Hat Dance are enough.  Then you play whatever music you like.  And do the same with your marriage.  Take charge honey.

Answer 12

hecks yeah!

he has to realize that if he is going to live "forever" with you, he has to accept something that comes within you, that is your heritage. and most important, your family ^ ^

Answer 13

I feel your pain!!!  My groom wants to have a say in EVERYTHING from the food, to the cake, to the photographer, to my gown, to the music...etc.

I understand your feelings completely.  You've been dreaming of this day for forever probably, and he hasn't.  Your parents are probably footing the bill, not him.

My suggestion is to deal with it the way we have been dealing with my fiance.  We let him have his way sometimes, but when it is important to me or my mom, we compromise or he loses out.  In the end it's about who is footing the bill.

Now, if he is paying for it, I think you should take his compromise of 3 songs.

Are there any dances or anything that goes along with the spanish music?  Because you could turn that into part of your theme for your wedding since you are of spanish heritage (I assume).  I'm from SC and our state dance is the Carolina Shag.  We're having blocks of shag music, an article in "newletter" the guests receive upon entering the reception about the dance, and possibly giving a short demonstration at the wedding.  That way, the guests who don't know about it can hear and learn and appreciate it.

By the way, just a little trick I've learned with dealing with MY fiance:  if you make it sound fun and exciting, you may be able to win him over.  He's probably just worried that his friends and family (and he) will be bored/irritated with the music if it goes on and on.  Also, bargain with him.  Tell him that if he'll let you play more spanish music, he can have his favorite food, favorite songs played, can change into sneakers or flip flops at the reception, will leave earlier to get to your wedding night, etc.  Whatever you know he wants, but you've said no to him already.

Answer 14

I don't see a problem with incorporating Spanish songs into a wedding reception- my fiance's family is Spanish and not only are we honoring them by having a special family dance to a Spanish wedding song at the beginning of the reception, but I'm also hiring a mariachi band to serenade us with Spanish songs during cocktail hour and dinner.  (OK, the mariachi band is for me as well- I think they're awesome!!)  My point is, if you love someone enough to marry them, you should be willing to compromise over relatively small things, like music selections.  Do you think my punk-rock loving fiance is super-thrilled to be walking down the aisle to a John Lennon song?  Probably it's not one of his favorites but he knows how much it means to me, so he's fine with it.

I suggest you use the Spanish music as a bargaining chip when he wants something you're not too crazy about.  For instance, if he has requested a big-screen TV at the reception so he and his buddies can watch football or something, say, "OK, as long as the DJ is allowed to play at least 2 Spanish songs per hour."  It's all about compromise.

Answer 15

Yes it's wrong!! It is your wedding, just as it is his. I think it would be a wonderful tribute for your family! I would say pick ten to fifteen songs, and have the DJ spread them out. Your fiance needs to understand that.

I'm not dealing with that exact problem, more of ceremony music. There is a song that I want to walk down the aisle to that I do not want played on the organ, so I want the recording played. My fiance's father is the senior pastor at the church, and he does not want us playing any recordings. Ha. It's my wedding :) Just as it is yours :) Good luck!

Answer 16

It's both of your wedding and therefore you should both have a say in what kind of music is played.  He's already showing that he is unwilling to really compromise and is unappreciative of your culture.  Not a good sign!