Issue's with Jr Bridesmaid's mother.?

Question

Here is my Problem.

My Jr's Bridesmaid is 14. Her mother is going against what the rest of the bridal party is doing. The mother wants the girls hair down and everyone including me is doing up do's, she wants the daughter to wear close toe shoes when everyone is wearing them open. She wants her daughter to wear nylons when were having a summer wedding and everyone is going bear...It's very frustrating that this mother can't listen.

Answer 1

When the bride makes unreasonable requests of the bridesmaids (updos? ouch!) it is the duty of the bridesmaid to gracefully back out. While I (and hopefully you) can completely understand why she wouldn't want her hair pulling at her scalp all day, or to have to wear bear legs or open toed shoes, she should recognise that she isn't willing to make the sacrifices you asked, rather than asking you to change.

And if it's a long dress let her wear nylons and closed toes shoes. If it's a short dress, why are you asking them to wear bear legs and open toed shoes anyhow?

Answer 2

if her dress is no different than the bride's maids' dresses and her jr bride's maid title is just that, then she needs to get with the program...simple as that...

..I had a cousin at that age be a bride's maid in my first wedding.....if I had called her a jr bride's maid she would have been insulted...my ex's 10 year old sister was the jr bride's maid...change her title to bride's maid and she'll hafta conform, lol.....and my first pair of opened toed shoes I got when I was 13.

So compromise....tell the Mom hair must be up, shoe must be opened toed( flat or kitten heel is fine)....let her have the panty hose....if it's too hot the girl can take it off in the gal's room...okay?

Answer 3

1. She should have to wear her hair up

2. She should be wearing closed toe shoes

3. She should be wearing panty hose.

You are wrong on two accounts. She is wrong on one. Just deal with it.  

Answer 4

That must be very frustrating. Have you asked the mother what her reasoning is for this? Is she concerned that the hairstyle and open-toed shoes are too flashy for a 14 year old? Perhaps you could show her what other young girls are wearing, because it doesn't sound too flashy to me. If it makes you feel better, I don't think any of those three items are going to throw the entire wedding into chaos. If the mother ultimately won't budge, is it more important the the girl is in your wedding, or that she looks like the other girls? You will have to make a tough choice so good luck.

Answer 5

wow- arent weddings fun??? lol There is always one person who has to make things diffucult.  I promise, you will look back on this and say it wasnt even worth worrying about.  She is not really a bridesmaid so it prob wouldnt be a big deal if she looks a little different.  Tell the mom that you dont mind if she wears nylons and closed toed shoes because no one will really notice that(they are all going to be looking at the beautifull bride) but say that you really need her hair to be up so everyone looks the same.  It's your wedding after all, but then maybe she will see that your are comprimising on part of it and go along with the up do without a big deal being made of it.  Good luck and try to just enjoy this time and your big day! You only get one wedding day!

Answer 6

sit down and explain that this is your wedding and those are your wishes. if she doesnt like them tell her u will find a new bridesmaid. this is your special day not hers!

Answer 7

I agree that this is not worth the frustration.  If she is the only jr bridesmaid then let her be a little different.  If there is more than one jr bridesmaid then maybe they can wear their hair down and the others wear it up.

In the whole scheme of things, although as frustrating as this is, it isn't going to change the outcome.  Regardless of how the bridesmaids do their hair, or what shoes they wear you are still getting married to the love of your life!!!

So with that in mind, take it with a grain of salt.  Everything will come together and be great!

Answer 8

I think that you should try to sit down and explain to the mother what you want everyone to look like...it is YOUR wedding not hers...If she doesn't understand, then maybe you will have to find another JR bridesmaid.  If you still want her, then maybe it's ok for her to look a little different, since she is just a JR!

Answer 9

Sorry to be contrary, but I agree with her mom - all those suggestions are more appropriate for her age!

Would it really hurt for her to have those very small changes....

Answer 10

What a nightmare.  Is she the only Jr Bridesmaid? If so, except for the hair, it's ok if she looks different.

If there are other Jr Bridesmaids, explain to the mother that the bridal party needs to look uniform.  If she isn't ok with the decisions you've made, it's her decision to pull her daughter out of the bridal party.

Answer 11

It's not worth getting all stressed out about. So she looks a little different - honestly, you probably won't even notice what your bridal party looks like that day. The only thing you will be focused on is your new husband. Those things don't matter in the end. You will have a beautiful day whether or not the junior bridesmaid has her hair down with closed toe shoes...

Answer 12

Updo's aren't painful... some answerers are a bit dramatic. I don't think it's unreasonable to want her to match! Talk to the mother,and be FIRM with her. If she decides that it isn't ok by her, then she can pull her kid out. Trust me the daughter, WIlLL not stand for that! She'll take care of her for you if she pulls her out of the party! lol

Answer 13

Some of these answers are a little rude!

Well I think that it is your wedding and your bridal party should look the way you want them to look, they agreed on this when they agreed to be in your bridal party.

1. Her hair should be up to match everyone else!

2.Shoes: Why shouldn't she wear open shoes? If they are too adult perhaps find a pair similar with out heels.

3. Nylons: Why does she need them? I bet she doesn't wear them with her school dress! Also you can't wear them with open shoes (perhaps why her mother wants closed shoes)

Good luck!

Answer 14

Know what?  None of these things matter.  

I know it seems like a big deal to you, but nobody will even notice.  Hair down, closed shoes, pantyhose - don't sweat it.  You'll just make yourself nuts over a non-issue.

Really.  NOBODY will notice or care. Let it go and save your fight for a battle that does matter.

Answer 15

are her reasons based on religious beliefs? if so I am assuming you knew or the religion before you asked the girl to participate? otherwise mom is just being difficult & its you wedding = your style decisions. but that doesn't mean she will go along . you may need to ask the girl to step out if their isn't a compromise, on these issues.

Answer 16

get a grip, she is 14. her hair down is better and open toed shoes are a little s**y for a kid. if you want her to be a part of your wedding, just go along with it. as long as the nylons are nude, no one will know anyway.  

Answer 17

ok I almost just choked laughing at the person who said open toed shoes are s**y for a 14 year old.  I had open toes shoes when I was younger then that.  kids wear sandles and opened toed shoes all the time.  This should not be an issue.  Hair up should not be an issue and I have never known many 14 year olds to wear nylons.  I would talk to the mother and say that everyone in the bridal party is dressing in a particuler way and thats how you want everyone to look.  I would eve noffer to buy the shoes and pay for the hair so she can have no excuses for her daughter not matching.  if she still makes a big deal I would basically tell her sorry then, but you've made your choices and are sticking by them.  I wouldnt let some kids mother try and run my wedding.