Issues with parents help!!?

Question

i have some really bad issues with my parents. i need help! you see, for the last couple of weeks my parents have been arguing a lot about stupid things. in the past they have agrued a lot too but not like this. this time it got worse. my grandma was here to stay with us for a month and during that time my dad was on his best behaviour. my grandma left last week and now my parents continue with the arguing as soon as she leaves. yesterday it got so bad that they physically started to fight and my mom was breaking down doors in the house and it was horrible. i tried to stop them but they didnt listen. i told my dad that he should leave the house but he's like "No this is my house" and then i told my mom to leave and she's like "No im not letting him push me out" Neither of them refuse to leave. i tried to work things out and then my dad got mad at me cuz he thinks im taking my moms side over his and now he's not speaking to me. i dont know what to do anymore i need help! what to do??

Answer 1

i went through something like this just a while ago , and i know everyone is probably going to say go tell someone that you trust or dont worry it will get better i hate when they say that because you may not want others to know about your personal family problems .

my advice is to say sorry to your dad even if you didnt do anything wrong ! ...... and try your best to butt in before the fight starts and say "i cant take this any more if you want to fight dont do it around me ,im sorry but i just cant take it its all too much for me,i cant go out without worryng about you to fighting " this will make them see that their fighting is effecting you as much as it is them and they wont want you to be unhappy and they will try there best to stop . i done this and my parents felt bad that beacuse of their stupid arguments i was getting upset and not able to go out with out worrying about them fighting .

good luck

ashley xxxx

Answer 2

Is there an adult who can remain calm and administer to both parents, like a Pastor or Priest?  Someone who will help your parents see the godly-side of things?  It sounds like both want to be boss; both want their way like children.

When familys don't have a spiritual grounding - with members answering to a "higher authority" for their behavior and attitude, then a breakdown of the family unit occurs.  There needs to be solidarity between the two primary members of the union (Mom & Dad) in decision making, authority, parenting, leading the family spiritually....

And then the kids are, literally, forced to be the adults, and end up being in the cross-fire - like you've had to face.  Don't be prideful as they....apologize to your dad, but do it with a good heart (not for the purpose of funding your education, but out of love).  Step back, find some very stable person(s) to speak with them in privacy (then together) to get things ironed out.  Since it doesn't appear to be one of infidelity, then healing should be a bit "easier" to take place.  Once one of them gets physically hurt, then the damage may be severe enough to stop all communication.  So long as they are COMMUNICATING, then there is HOPE.

Please forward their squabbles to someone who is experienced, trained, and not emotionally involved to assist them in stopping the fighting so that the healing can begin.  You need to step back and not get involved until the counselor asks you to join.

073008  1:30

Answer 3

Hey

I really hope things get better, the best thing to do is let parents be parents. If you try to take sides you will end up being the bad person. I think you need to talk to your dad and tell him what is on your mind and your mom. Try to sit them down and work things out. If you take all that fighting to your head it will have bad effects on your life, and health. I think you should get student loans if he wont give you money. Also try to get out the house time to time so you get refreshed and dont feel cramped up. Everyones parents fight and also make up but it takes time. So I hope this at least gives you hope. things will get better over time.

Good luck,

Answer 4

Your parents need to seek counseling ASAP.  The fact that they argue with other is no excuse to ruin your life or your future...especially that you now have some big plans for college.  If they can't afford it, there is always free marriage counseling in churches....I'm not religious, but that's what I'd do if my marriage was in trouble and couldn't afford help.

Answer 5

Id go live with a friend or family member... if it becomes slightly more public how abusive your parents are... it may be enough for them to smarten up!

Answer 6

I'd love to help, but considering I don't know you all that well, perhaps go to an adult you trust such as a coach, teacher, neighbour, etc. Kid's Help Phone might also help. Good luck with your situation. I'm sure everything will turn out fine.

Answer 7

okay i've had bad family stuff too so i think i can help you first off about your dad i tink you need to go confront him and make sre he knows you're not taking sides because that only makes things worse if they think you're taking sides second if things start getting physical it isn't safe i've seen violence in the family as well and it isn't a good thing if you have younger siblings i wouldn't leave them in that environment and as for yourself if things keep getting physical and don't change you need to get bigger help by that i mean like doctors shrinks and try getting out of the house more you don't have to babysit them they will fight anyways you just don't need to be in that environment hope i helped a little and good luck.

Answer 8

Sounds like things have gotten really bad between your parents. It doesn't sound like its over issues pertaining to you though. As their child it is not your responsibility to break up your parents fights though. Don't feel bad that they are fighting because it happens in all families. It should definitely not get that bad though and the first sign that it is truly bad is that there is violence and it is a threatening environment for you to be in. I would without a doubt recommend you to seek help from someone outside the family. You should definitely go to a counselor in your area or call a hotline in your area to get someone involved in the situation. You at least need someone to talk to to help you straighten out what is going on. If possible get your parents to go to marriage counseling because it sounds like they need to straighten out things in their marriage. Family counseling works well too. But you should probably have your parents start working out their issues before you get involved.

Just remember, this is not your fault and don't feel like you need to solve their problem. I hope everything works out for you and if you need to you can email me for support. Good luck and stay strong!

Answer 9

Be grateful you're leaving for school in a month. This is not your burden, and I'm sorry they're making it that way.  If things are truly that bad, I can only hope for their sake and yours that they seek counselling or a trial seperation....there's nothing that you can do outside of trying to remain neutral in this whole thing and ride it out.

Answer 10

a kid shouldn't have to work out her parents problems. you should tell another trusted adult in your family and have them help.

Answer 11

Well, I recommend seeking professional help. Call Marital counselors. Or ask them more about what is really the reason of their fighting. No marriage is easy. And fighting, as well as divorcing is unfortunately very common these days.

Answer 12

I think you need to seek help somewhere else. If you are old enough, you need to leave. Go to a relatives house or something, but they should be the bigger people and not put you in the middle. I can't stand self-centered people that act like it ALL revolves around them.

DON'T babysit your parents! Leave, and let them get there s**t together. Tell them each how you feel, just lay it all for them, and if they don't like it....WHAT THE h**l EVER!

Answer 13

that is so sad. I feel so bad for you. First thing I think you should know is that It is NOT your fault!! They are grown ups and will do what ever they want to do. You cant change them all you  can do is what is expected of you. you can tell him that you are sorry you got involved and that you were only trying to get the fighting to stop. then you are done. stay out of it and just go to school. If he doesnt give you the money for school you will just have to go to a regular school I dont really know how old you are or what schooling you are talking about when you say you are to go away for school. If its a private one you may end up in public, if its a university you may need to go to a community college. either way make d**n well sure that you go to school somewhere. And I just bet he settles down and sends you off to school like he must have planned in the first place. good luck and remember ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. that is most important right now.

Answer 14

They are grown and it is not your responsibilty to feel like you have to babysit them.  You need to stop feeling responsible for them.  You need to go to your Mom and Dad and tell them both that you need to speak with them together.  This is where you have to be mature.  Tell them you love them both and this is really out of hand.  Tell both of them that you refuse to take "sides" about any of their arguements and tell them not to put you in the middle.  You need to stay out of the middle of this mess and don't take any sides.  Talk to both of them and tell them both that you love them but the fighting is just becoming too much.  Your Mom and Dad will come to a point one day when one of them will leave.  It is not your place to encourage either parent to leave the house because of the fighting.  This is where you just stay out of the middle of it.

If you make your views known that you are not taking sides then you will see that you will be leaving for school just as planned.  Stop taking the burdens of your parents.  They are not yours to take on.  You have enough burdens of your own just growing up in a household like that.  Good luck to you and I hope things get better.

Answer 15

Their relationship is theirs alone.

But they seem to be causing you strife as you seem to be stuck in the middle.

If you are old enough, then get out. Just leave them to it as they may still want to be together but this is just their way.

You've spoken to them both and said your piece. After that, just start your own life... even if it's without them. If you are too young to move out, then just tell them you want no part in this anymore and just get on with your own life.

You cannot change them. Be strong.

good luck.

Answer 16

its not right for them to pull you into this situation, and then further more "punish" you by not giving you money for school. I would look up a local family counciler and ask to speak with them for free. tell them your story and ask to see if they have any advice. in the mean time i would sit down alone with each parent and explain to them how this is upsetting you and how it is not fair to you. tell them that if things dont get better you will have no choice but to leave, maybe you could move in with  a friend or even better your grandma for a couple of days. Also i would call her and explain your situation, im sure she could straighten them out!

i hope this helps, and remember this is not fair for you and you did nothing wrong to cause this.