It's been 5 years since my husband died, how does one get through this?

Question

He took his own life, and when he did that, he took mine too, because nothing is as it was. We had so many plans and even though he was bipolar, we had so many good times. I've tried to join groups, or get involved, but I never was a 'joiner'. When my son died from leukemia in 1998, I thought that that was the worst thing that could ever happen. Not so. I've gone on a few 'dates', what a horror they were. It would be nice to have company, but even thought I'm not trying to 'replace' my husband, that's what it feels like.

Answer 1

Hugs to you! It is difficult to overcome the loss of a loved one. I strongly urge you to contact The Crisis Hotline with your employer and have them set you up with a professional counselor.

They should set you up with at least two free sessions. My employers did this for me when I lost my parents in 2004, (Dad) and 2005. (Mom)

I suggest you ask your counselor when they think you should attempt dating again.

Prayers to you.

Answer 2

Wow!  While my ex didn't kill herself, she's bipolar as well, and did try on numerous occasions, so I can at least partially relate, and say that I know some of what you've gone through.  The best thing that you can do for yourself is to take your time.  First, NEVER consider it as replacing your husband.  If you find a guy that makes you really happy, he's not a replacement.

Think of it this way.  If your husband loved you, which I'm sure he did, then he'd have wanted you to move on, and be happy.  It would kill him all over again to know that you were suffering, and not able to move on.  If you meet a guy that you like, take the time to get to know him.  Find someone who doesn't mind you talking when you need to about your husband, and won't be jealous about it.  You don't want to talk about him all the time, but a good guy who appreciates you for who you are will not mind the occasional conversation, and will understand that it's how you're trying to heal, and will want to help.

You'll know when you've found the right companion.  Take your time and heal.  You could also find a couple girlfriends that you could go out with just to go out.  But either way, the key is to remember who you are, and go from there.

Good luck, and I hope everything works out.  Your husband would have wanted you to be happy.

Answer 3

My condolences to you on your loss. I lost my first wife in a car accident just one year after we were married. We had met and dated all through college and were in grad school. We had just started our lives together and had so many plans for the future. (sound like you?)  I could not move on until I moved to a different apartment where she had not stood at that stove, nor been in that shower, or sat on that porch, etc. Once the "ghosts" were gone, I found it much easier to live. I could live with the dishes and furniture, but I had to get a new bedroom set (from Salvation Army store). I did not really fit in with our old married students group, so I formed a complete set of new friends. They pulled me out of my funk and got me back to living life. When I started dating, again, no woman could spark my fire like she did. After grad school, I took a job in another city. I stopped for a hot dog one night at 1AM, after taking home another loser date. And I met a woman in line in front of me. We went out, fell in love, and my world turned right side up again. (have been married 42 yrs next month) There is an old saying that "before you find your prince charming, you have to kiss a lot of toads." I found that to be true. How many men did you date before you found your first husband? You may have to date that many again. Look at each new relationship as an adventure instead of a romance. I was fixed up by friends, went to parties, bars, concerts, all the "right" places, and found love in line for hot dogs. You will find love again too, I promise. Now get out there and start kissing those toads. Good luck.

Answer 4

Try taking it slow. The time you had with your husband changed you.. You now look for those little things that you loved about you husband in a prospective date without realizing it.

Expand your circle of friends. Get a facebook account, Look for true friendship and find people with common interests that you can feel safe and comfortable around. Once you have achieved this, you will find the guy that just clicks with you, and you will both know.

Answer 5

*virtual hugs and kisses to you*

Answer 6

I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. It is good that you have dated others. It may take time but someday life will get better. You don't need to stay by yourself. Get out and find new friends.  

Answer 7

well, maybe it would be easier for you to find someone special in  your life if you started being nicer to people. Your husband  probably killed himself because you drove him insane!