It feels like my mom and i are drifting apart, and i don't know what to do. She used to be nice to be around..

Question

now, it's like i can't even ask her for the hairdrier without her blowing up in my face!Like today, i walked my dog to the vet's office today to get a shot. (that's about..1.4 miles.) and i walked back too. I gave my mom the paper-work when she got home, and she threw it on the ground! Minor, i know, but still, it's stuff like that ALL the time!! i'm afraid to ask her for help when i need it, 'cause last time i did, she ended up making me feel sooo bad for asking, that she didn't think it was important that i couldn't stand up bacause my head hurt that badly. And then my brother comes along with a paper cut, and she gets out the anti-bacterial creme, and 3 different types of band-aids!! we used to be friends almost, and now we're on different worlds. I'm soo mixed up on how to feel, or what to do. should i try to be more flexible, should i ignore her, or will she have to make the first move? soo confused!!!! I told my therapist this, she talked to my mom, then told me that she didn't know what i was talking about, because my mom was the nicest person ever. I'm just sick of this feeling, and she does this to my other brother too, well, at a lower degree, but he's told me "mommy doesn't like me anymore". Other days she'll be the perfect mom and take us to the movies, or the beach and stuff like that. My dad notices it and tries to talk to her, but it only leads to a fight. please let me know what i should do. sorry this was long, but thanks for reading, and hopefully answering. :)

Answer 1

Ask your doc for some bipolar meds and crunch them up in her food. J/K. Probably one of those things  you'll have to tough out until you leave home. My grandmother used to be like that to my mom, she said it took a while for their relationship to get back on track all the way up to her early 20's but she said it helped her to just step back and not try to get too involved with her mom when she was like that. Try not to take things too personally from her, she most likely has some crazy things going on in her life/head that she doesn't want to tell you about, but is taking them out on you. Get a really loud IPod and a lot of patience. Sorry you have to go through this. Good luck.

Answer 2

this isn't your fault! so no matter what, don't think you did anything wrong, because you didn't.

no one did. i think it just may be an inner battle your mom is facing right now. she may have a lot on her plate right now, so offer to help her a lot, and no matter what just support her.

i hope everything turns out okay!

much love, tasha

Answer 3

Hi,

You sure are mature and understanding.  You are looking at things from her side and have reached out maturely for help.  You are better than I would have done.  And you sound like you truly want to have a good relationship with your mom.

Parents, especially moms are our own people, have problems, and get emotional.  Just like girls can be emotional due to their period and hormones, moms are often having similar issues, or when older, are emotional when their hormone change during menopause - their periods stop.  Are you the oldest?  Only girl?  Quietest or most responsible?  She may for no reason, or reason out of your control, be crankier with you.  

Even though she is the parent, she is human.  If you can, forgive her and keep working on your relationship.  You could even say something like "I am sorry you are having a rough day.  Can I help?" or "I love you" or even just give her a hug.  Snippiness is usually acting out frustration, stress, I can't handle anymore.  Parents often don't tell their kids all their problems.  It is not your job to know all and feel the stress of her problems.  But it is affecting you.  

If you had a good relationship, you can still.  How would you be with a best friend?  Help, forgive, talk...

Answer 4

Sounds like something else is going on here.  Perhaps the change of life, or maybe troubles of another sort.

I'd talk to her, without anger, maybe asking if there is something you can do to help your relationship.