It turned out it wasnt my child, why cant i let go?

Question

9 months of beleiving i was to become a father, my father becoming a grand-father and my grand-father becoming a great grand-father, witnessing the scans and holding the child after it was born. Out of gut feeling i got a paternity test and it came back as me being excluded as the biological father. I sacrafised my pride and joy car, my army career and heart for the child. Over a year has passed now...why can i not let go?

Answer 1

that sucks

Answer 2

Because you were deceived... That is why liers are horrible.

Answer 3

because you have been extremely betrayed, she broke your heart and you think made you look like a fool to the 'world' but not really. You fell for her lies, and yet why wouldn't you? 9 months of believing it was your child, that is terrible.

This time will pass, you'll meet somebody trustworthy someday, thank God for DNA.

  Why did you sacrifice your army career for a baby?

Answer 4

if you DID let it go easily, then you wouldnt be a very caring person.

this just shows how much you were willing to be dedicated to being a father. some day you will make a brilliant dad :)

Answer 5

um cuz u like the child and u havent had a child ever

Answer 6

I'm sorry you had to go through that. You cannot let go because you bonded with the child - from the ultrasounds to birth. 9 months is a long time. Is there any way you can be like an "uncle" figure to the child?

Answer 7

So sorry that this has happened to you. Obviously you love this child - even though your not the biological father.

If you want to be apart of this childs life, ask mom. Tell her how you feel. You don't need a dna test to be a daddy.

If its that your still hurt that you were betrayed to the level that you were. Time will only heal.

Wish you the very best!

Answer 8

LOVE

Answer 9

youve got attached to it and its hard to let a child go

like parents of adopted children they arent the real parents either

Answer 10

Because of the time and sacrifices you make for the child. You love grows for him/her unconditionally. One time I was in front of a judge for child support and the judge told me if I wanted a paternity test. My daughter was 4 at the time. I told the judge no because the little girl that called me dad would always be my little girl no matter what the test said. I have already invested 4 years of my life to her and nothing will ever change the way I feel about her. Your love for him/her will never change!! Love that child because in your heart He/she is yours!! Good Luck to you and your baby!!

Answer 11

because you have a kind heart and obviously wanted to be a father...  

I nearly cried reading your question.

I guess I don't really have an answer for you.  

I am so sorry that someone put you through that,

some girls are just so selfish

good luck.

Answer 12

because you love that child as if it were yours. you cared for it for 9 months. you were the father of the baby for 9 months. thats why.

Answer 13

becuase you were led to believe that you had created life and had to take care of it.

plus you had to give up a lot....thats crazy i would sue the woman you had s*x with, unless she didnt know either, cuz thats crazy information to withhold from someone.

Answer 14

because you were lied to...and she cheated on you...and you dont want to take care of a child that isnt your anymore....it's not the child fault it's your spouses....she has issues.....it has scarred your heart cause you wanted to be a father so long...and that's taken away from you...so now your heart is going to take some time to heal...

Answer 15

Maybe it's because you had all these emotions. Like excitment, pride, anxiety. And when you found that out you were disappointed and you hid all those emotions inside. You wanted a child to love and care for. But you were crushed in the end. So, you just need to let out your emotions and try being more open about the situation.

Answer 16

b/c its something you wanted very badly and you grew attached to it

Answer 17

i think your attached

and also LOVE!

Answer 18

If you couldn't handle the answer then you should have never ran the test.  If you are the father on the birth certificate then get over it you are the Daddy and let sleeping dogs lie

Answer 19

You love the child, nothing wrong with that.

I was my dad's favorite out of 7 kids. He taught me to read at age 2, we were inseperable my whole childhood. It turned out he wasn't my biological father even though I was in the middle of the brood.

It proves the worth and high character of the man that he never changed toward me. I was (and always will be) his best girl and most devoted daughter. Love knows no boundaries.

Answer 20

you can't let it go because you have a heart..it is a hard thing to deal with..but if i were in your shoes i believe that i would have just stayed in the childs life..i can only imagine the pain that you must feel.have you tried talking to anyone in the mental health field..they may have something that you can do to try and let it go...i hate that this happened brother but the only thing i know to tell you is try and drive on someday you will have your own kids and that should help ease the pain..Best of Luck

Answer 21

Because you became attached. Unless the child's mom has something against it, there's no reason you shouldn't still be able to see the baby or spend time with it-unless of course you think it'd be too hard on you.

Answer 22

Well, that's not an easy thing to let go. Were you attached to the actual child itself, or the idea behind him/her? It could be seperation anxiety. ?

Answer 23

Are you still with the mother?  My husband raised my oldest child as she was his since she was a month old, knowing she was not his.  He never treated her any different than his own three daughters we had after we were married.  Her bio-dad wanted nothing do with her, I received no support or any help from him whatsover.  The best thing he ever did was walk out on us.  My husband is truly her father in every way imaginable and in every way that counts!  It takes one heck of a man to raise another's child and call them their own.  Don't be so hard on yourself, God made babies for us to fall head over heels in love with, whether it be yours or a 'donors'.  Treat the child as your own and you will be the happiest Father on earth.

Answer 24

You are grieving, for the child you DID have, the moments you lived as a father and the belief that you were that child's father.

You are grieving too for the life you left behind, the career, the car...the time you gave.

To all and everyone, you were the father because it takes more than a drop of sperm to make a father.

You may need to face up to some ghosts to enable yourself to move on. It may be an idea to seek counseling...after all, you are bereft. Even if you do seek counseling, it will take time to heal the pain of being so cruelly lied to.... But seeking help is the first step.

I wish you all the very best for the wonderful future you deserve to find.

Answer 25

Though it may not have been your biological child, you can still treat it as such and still love it, there is nothing wrong with that. If your its care giver then its yours. You can still be its father and your parents can still be its grandparents. The child will learn to love you and think of you as its father!

Answer 26

kids have a habit of grabbing on to your heart even if they are not your own.  Lots of childcare workers find they fall in love with the ones they care for it is not unusual.  It is hard to let go you were fed a lie by someone you cared about.  I feel for you .  I hope you can go on and have kids of your own to love in the future.  You may never completely  forget but it will get easier with time.

Answer 27

Because you love that child and you had your hopes high.

Answer 28

because that was a horrible scarring moment in your life. you may never be able to let it go. but you can grow from it.

oh and the mothers a w***e if she didnt know who the father was and/or lied to you.

Answer 29

wow best of luck to you..that's messed up..you should styll be apart of the child's life..it's not your fault you were mislead.

Answer 30

i know i am not old enough to advice on such questions,but i think you should nurture the child & bring him up.its not the child's mistake,so why deprive him of a father's love.if you love the child & bring it up,its only your child.love him so much that he never questions about his dad.as time will pass,the child's innocence may let you forget it & you may accept him wholeheartedly.i know its not so easy,but now make your sacrifice worth.