Its a song/poem.. what do u think?

Question

Its something I wrote.. what do u think?

If a star falls tonight,

Don't let out a sigh,

Because another one gets a chance to shine.

When you reach your goal,

And decide to run the other way,

Even if its the best thing to do,

The worst feelings are the ones that stay.

I run for the hills,

Only to reach steeper paths,

Chasing a dream,

Wanting it so much,

Reaching out to something,

I'm to afraid to touch.

Running has become easy,

Knowing exactly what to do,

Knowing exactly what to say,

Him not realizing,

I never gave him a chance to stay.

I drive every night,

Where the light shines so bright,

You cannot find,

Someone who only runs,

Just to hide.

No one sees,

No one hears,

Its my place,

Where I can take this mask..

Off my face.

I Look down at the city,

What a sight.

So many things happening,

As I sit here alone tonight.

Sitting, waiting, writing.

My heart is the only thing

That won't stop fighting.

Memories flash by,

I remember every time.

I turned away,

As if I spoke a lie.

Emotions are building up,

Words come crawling,

No one is here to see,

That my brick walls are falling.

I reach out for your hand,

Wanting to feel your touch..

You reach out to me,

Somethings wrong.. im scared to much.

I end my sentence now with hello,

Not to say goodbye,

Because the decision is truly,

Reality covered by a lie.

Answer 1

very good! when you put it to music will u let us be the first to hear it :)

Answer 2

The poem is ok, but you need to work on various things:

1) you do not have a constant rhyme scheme through out the poem

    For example, the second  stanza has an AB rhyme scheme, then

    it changes after that

2) Also, the beginning of the poem needs some work, but the ending is superb, especially the last 4 lines

3) You have written alot, this is good in some cases, but it could also lead to a repetition of your ideas...soo maybe you could shorten it.

4) Where is the title????

Overall: great poem, excellent ideas, but you still need to work on it

Answer 3

..this from a mad damselfly to a wierd snail...**chuckle**

I like it and I dont care if it rhymes or follows protocol as long as it is original readable and likable.

Your audience awaits you.

Answer 4

prettty awesome and its incredibly long

Answer 5

I love it :)

I love the last stanza, very meaningful.

Answer 6

It would be clearer if you shortened the poem. I found it a bit confusing

You are the one running and hiding yet it seems the other person is running You seem to give the impression of a moth to a light.