Its all my fault, so his mother says! What do you think?

Question

Ok, my husband has had depression on and off for the last few months, i have tried getting him help and talking to him, but he doesnt want to know about it, also his parents have tried but also no luck. He had gotten better and was doing fine untill a few weeks ago we bought a new house, and are in the process of selling ours (by the way this was HIS idea), but now the stress has gotten him all depressed again, to the point of him just sitting there not talking to anyone, ive tried to talk and ive gotten his parents to talk to him he just wont snap out of it. We have two kids and i work nights and it breaks my heart to leave my babies with him when hes sooo moody, but with our new mortgage i have to work. So yesterday he came home all angry and i told him i didnt care anymore, that my kids happiness is the most important thing, and that i was just going to go on as usual and basically ignore his mood. Later that night i got a phonecall saying i was selfish and it was my fault he was depressed and that we were only getting this new house to keep ME happy. So is it my fault, i just want my family to be happy, i dont know what to do anymore AAAARRRGGGHHHH. What do you think?

Answer 1

I think, I would tell dear old M-I-L that as much as Ya appreciate her care and interest in your family problems with your husband that you would be far happier to live in a cardboard box, than constantly worrying how to help your husband on your own with his depression. That if she truly wants to help now, she can help you talk hubby into going into a hospital to get help before it spirals too far out of control for him, OR for you to keep dealing with. That you're only 1 woman, doing the best you can for your husband and children, and hubby is no longer in control of himself. As it does sound like it's time to get him some outside help.

Being depressed is a normal thing for most everyone. However, it is NOT normal for it to last as long as it has with him, it sounds like he needs to be under a doctors care, and on some anti-depressants.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

I think there is an underlying problem here. Was it really your husbands idea to move house? I wonder if he thought by moving he could leave problems behind and start fresh, when in reality he has taken his problems with him.

I think you two need a baby-sitter for a good few hours, so you can get out for a drink and get to the bottom of things. He must be completely honest about everything, only then can you begin to mend everything, one way or the other.

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Answer 3

Buying a house and moving are among the top 5 most stressful occasions in life. Please take that into consideration. I would be concerned to leave my babies with anyone that is really moody and depressed! Whatever you do try not to blow up again and tell him that you don't care about what he is going through and all you care about is your kids. This may send him the wrong message and put bad thoughts into his head. It sounds like you both are stressed and are at your limits. I think it would be a great idea if you could get counseling. Maybe you could visit a local church. I know that a lot of churches offer free counseling too. But you both have to be willing to work together to make this better!

Answer 4

You are not only dealing with a moody husband that may need some medication but his parents too.  Stay away from them as much as possible. They are not helping the situation.

Answer 5

His parents are just frustrated cause they can't help hm. Don't take it personal. Maybe go to them and talk to them, explain your side, but keep it more on a note of how all of you can help him. Sounds like he needs help. Counseling, maybe anti-depressant. He needs to get help for those kids. In the mean time maybe see if his parents can watch the kids while you work. YOu need to clue them in on your concern with the kids. Work with them, not against, no matter how difficult. Don't make this about you, all of you need to make this about getting your hubby healthy.

Answer 6

I'd tell that MIL to mind her own d**n business and how she hasn't done a d**n thing but cause trouble.  

Answer 7

A few things to think about...Alcohol use & depression are directly related...it falls under the 'chicken or egg' theory and unfortunatly is self perpetuating. Secondly, Excercise & depression are directly related, so, don't tell him why but..get him off the sofa and go for a stroll with him every day/other day for a minimum of 20 mins to a half hour. Just walk together quietly, don't pick his brain, don't comment on life, don't ask all kinds of questions...nothing, nothing, nothing. If you can get him out the door, quietly walk together, I'm willing to bet that in anywhere from just a few days to a couple of weeks, not only will you start to see a change in his mood, he might actually open up to you & let you know what is going on if he actually knows what it is. If what you say is true "I just want my family to be happy" you'll give it a shot for 6 weeks or so, certainly its not as mindless as popping a pill every day but that is how long medicaction takes to start to show some positive affect so why not give it a shot?