Its impossible to make me laugh, please help

Question

I haven't seriously laughed hard in like years. I am an extremely funny guy. But there is noone that can make me laugh. Its almost impossible to make me laugh but I LOVE laughing its the best thing.

SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE ME LAUGH

I want to cry of laughter.

Answer 1

Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls.

He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice.

"It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool..

They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them. I'm telling ya man...you'll have all the babes you want!"

The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato.

Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!

Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now?"

"Lard-Almighty Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"

Answer 2

try this. get a sodium thiopental, which is known to reverse the effect of most chemicals. then add some onions. the reversed effect of onions would make you laugh.

Answer 3

i don't know what your sense of humor is, but if you like weird sarcastic stuff like me maybe you'll like maddox. (a lot of people hate him though).



http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/...

that's one of his articles, i literally fell out of my chair laughing when i read The Smoking Gun part.

Answer 4

This is a long one but I LMAO everytime I read it.

Here's a prime example of why "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:

Rebecca and Larry.

THE STORY

(First paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So Chamomile was out of the question.

(Second paragraph by Larry) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he Felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law permanently abolishing war and space travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Larry) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks that pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires that were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

(Rebecca) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

(Larry) Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic, whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--ING TEA??? Oh, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels that I simply can't decide. "

(Rebecca) A-hole.

(Larry) B****h.

(Rebecca) F__ YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Larry) Go drink some tea - w***e!

(TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one

Answer 5

How to bathe your Cat

Thoroughly clean your toilet.

Lift both lids and add shampoo

Find and soothe the cat as you carry him/her into the bathroom

In one swift move place cat in toilet and close both lids and sit on top

so cat can not escape.

The cat will self agitate ample suds (ignore ruckus from inside toilet, the cat likes it)

Flush 3-4 times. This provides a power rinse which is quite effective.

Have someone open the outside door, stand as far from the toilet as possible and quickly open both lids

Clean cat will rocket from inside the toilet and rush outdoors where they will air dry

Sincerely yours

The Dog

(FYI- I love cats and would not really do this)

Answer 6

What did the naked queen say to the king?  She snapped her fingers 3 times in the air and said, "OH NO YOU DIDN'T, you know your wife don't do you like I do, you betta recognize!"

Answer 7

http://icanhascheezburger.com/

That place always has a pic or two to make me smile even when I'm at my saddest. <3

Answer 8

this will make you laugh...look at is as in hes jumping off a swing

http://estrip.org/elmwood/users/paul/ima...

look at it the funny way...i couldnt stop laughing

Answer 9

sorry...i am not a good joke teller...i personally like the short corny ones.....lol..you should hang out with me and my girlfriend sometime cause we are ALWAYS laughing so hard we end up wiping tears away....guys have actually given us the line(yes, i realize this is lame) but they have come up to us and asked what we were drinking cause they want to laugh as hard as we do....AND NO THAT WASNT SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH..lol...

i find the things that make us laugh the hardest is mulling over the funny situations we have shared together over the years...that and oh yeah..i bet her to do alot of crazy stuff for money...lol..