Its not a question ,,its a statement for self harmer ,and others !?

Question

I m not sad that much ,actually I feel nothing ,rarely I do feel things rushing to my heart like when I see a small child suffering or starvations

But I have dark sides ,I like to cause me some pain ,I like to think about suicide I would never do that because I m religious ,I play with my wounds ,not because I m sad I just enjoys it and feel numb,

Most of my life I lived watching others take what I cant take and I have to shut my mouth and pretend I m ok with this, but I didn’t find any thing silly like that ,

I don’t envy people I know that life isn’t fair,but when even my own family think its ok for everyone because they have stable families and good houses and I should do what everyone wants and Be happy with it as if I have no choice at all and when I say why ,,they say you have changed a lot ,you were more lovely

And I know big part of this WAS my fault I shouldn’t just want them all to be happy but its too late now, I m over 30 and nearly married to someone I don’t love *because the man is so good so I must love him no matter what I loved in the past its not good enough for them*

i want to say something here

not all self harmers are worthless people ,emo people aren’t that ugly ,when you hear over and over what a low family you came from and you should shut up to whatever you face and just love it because you are nothing to complain and even feel hurt ,is something you should understand and accept

then its not so far away from you to be that kind of person ,as long you aren’t taking your deep anger on people ,not hurting them .then you may have the right to be dark ,listen to dark metal songs ,cut yourself some cuts without no one seeing because people usually make faces when they see this ,they think you must be a very out of mind person ,usually people specially who lived in Disney houses with loving parents don’t get why some people can do nothing about their miserable life ,its hard to build a good life after these thunders so it’s an escape ,its not a shame to take out your pain on your own way ,

Answer 1

...Hey, you can definitely come from an overall successfully looking family that's rotting from the inside and have serious issues to deal with... I'm there with you. Cutting releases endorphins. There are other way to do it. Working out is one of them. Doesn't fit the image, but leave no scars.

Answer 2

disney dont exsit in any world. you are self harming

because you need something in your life, or some reason

to stop for. you wont find this marrying someone you dont love

its gona make it worse. STOP letting people tell you, what

is best for you ,they are manipulating you into a marriage you dont want,, whether or not this person is good an will look after you ,

its wrong to marry with these feelings. you can be happy just doin what you want , an if youv changed so what.. we all change though out our lives , dont be so hard on yourself, an stop pleasing everyone else. i wish you luck an most of all i wish you ind your own happiness.

Answer 3

Well it's up to you to change your life if that is what you want, or continue living as you are.  Sit up and take responsibility for yourself.  If you really want help and to change then you will need to seek professional help. Going to the gym is only swapping self-harm for another addiction, it doesn't deal with the source.

Appearances can be deceptive if you care to take a look behind so called happy families.  

Answer 4

From your long statement I just select the phrase: I am over 30 and nearly married to a man I don't really love but he is so good that I must love him. Excuse me for my sincerity, but that is a complete nonsense. Love is a feeling you can't force or oblige. To get married to a man you don't really love is a fraud even to this man. You can't marry a man you don't really love openhearted. Think it seriously over, a lifetime of unhappiness seems endless.  Be honest to yourself and act consequently!